


The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage

by 50ShadesofGerardGay



Series: Liars and Monsters [2]
Category: Victorious
Genre: Bade friendship, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Femslash, Language, cade friendship, cat/oc, jade/oc, minor incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-04 13:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 84,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1780039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50ShadesofGerardGay/pseuds/50ShadesofGerardGay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We're still so young, desperate for attention." Raising children in college is never easy. Cat, Jade, and Tori all have new secrets that threaten their lives and their relationships. No one said it would be easy. Drugs, sex, femslash, and occasional language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Somebody Told Me

* * *

_"I'm breaking my back just to know your name. But heaven ain't close in a place like this. Anything goes." – The Killers_

* * *

 

The sound of glass shattering startled Cat from her nap. She shot up from the couch to find the window by the front door broken in several places.

"Toy!" Cassie screamed from the foot of the stairs. She screamed the world again, pointing her chubby little finger at the window as her face started to turn bright pink. Keeping her finger pointed at the window, she started thrashing her legs and slamming her other hand down on the carpeted stairs.

With a tired sigh, her mother pulled herself up off the couch and trudged her feet across the beige carpeting to the broken window. Taking in the sight of the scene, she sighed again and held her head, hiding her fingers beneath her hair. Luckily, all the glass had fallen outside…into the tiny garden she'd planted to make the outside of the house look a little prettier.

"Hey, Kitten!" Bryce exclaimed, popping up by the window and startling his little sister.

Cat squeaked in fear and jumped back. "Don't do that!" she shouted through the window, her eyes turned down slightly with fright. She quickly scurried to the front door and pulled it open, ignoring her daughter's continued screaming.

"Man," her brother mused as he held up his niece's Miami Kate doll. The frilly pink dress on the petite doll had holes in and was discolored, and the doll itself was missing one of its ridiculously long legs. There were brown patches from old baby food and only God knew what in its blonde hair, and the left eye had been scratched off by Cassie's rapidly growing nails.

"She's got the Valentine arm. You should sign her up for the softball team."

Cat gasped happily and her eyes widened with excitement. "Baby softball!" she exclaimed. "It'd be like Baby Golf but played by babies! I could dress her in a cute little outfit and everything!"

"Babies can't play softball, Cat," Jade pointed out as she reached the top of the stairs. She clenched her eyes shut and rubbed her temples. "Can you  _please_  shut that kid  _up_? She's giving me such a bad migraine that I said 'please.'"

With a loud sigh, the redhead ran over to her bellowing toddler and picked her up. Cassie continued to thrash in her mother's arms, occasionally crying for the toy in her uncle's hand. Nervously, Cat bounced in place in an attempt to soothe her daughter. When that didn't work, she continued to bounce Cassie and moved back to her brother. She held her hand out for the doll and Bryce handed it over quickly.

"Hey, Baby Girl," she cooed loudly in her airy voice. "Do you want your toy?"

Slowly, Cassie lowered the intensity of her screaming and opened her bloodshot, tear-stained eyes in curiosity. She looked at the doll for a moment before snatching it from her mother's hand and throwing it across the room. "Toy!" she screamed once more, bringing her tiny fist down on her mother's clavicle.

"Okay!" Bryce shouted quickly before his niece could start up her screaming. He reached out and took her from his sister. "Let me try something." Although Cassie thrashed in her uncle's arms, he kept a tight grip on her and gently sat her down on the carpet. Kneeling beside her as she started to wail, he placed one of his large hands on her nose and mouth, keeping her pressed into his hand by holding his other hand on the back of her head. Frightened, the toddler started slapping at his hands and kicked her legs around on the floor, trying to wriggle away from him.

"Stop it!" Cat screamed, pushing him away. She picked up her daughter when Bryce let her go. "Are you crazy?!"

"You're just now asking that?" Jade quipped as she descended the stairs.

"Relax, Cat," Bryce ordered as he stood up straight. "Collie's family's done this for generations. She says if you hold your hand over their mouth when they cry, then they'll associate crying with not being able to breathe. It's some psychological stuff the Indians came up with."

"You're full of shit, Bryce," Jade called from the kitchen. "And so is Collette's stupid family."

"Love you, too," he called back with a goofy grin. He looked back to the broken window. "I'll call Collie's uncle and get him to fix that."

"Kay, kay," his sister breathed. She looked to the stairs. "It's time for my baby's nap." She turned back to her daughter in her arms and kissed her nose. Cassie hit her on the head and Cat let out a small noise of pain before heading upstairs.

She yawned quietly as she entered the nursery and her daughter fidgeted in her grasp. She was having a good nap, dreaming of rainbows and sunshine. She had been dreaming about her daughter running through a field with her, laughing and smiling. But the girl would be older, probably about to start preschool because Cat definitely wanted her to go to preschool. She would have her mother's big brown eyes and her daddy's charming smile. Her hair would probably be black like her father's as well, and it would be long and pin-straight. She would have her mother's cute, button nose as well as soft, little hands. She wouldn't be a bad girl anymore, and she would never stop smiling.

Her mom said that Cassie was going through her 'Terrible Twos' and that all babies did it. They would be the worst they'll ever be, and they would drive their parents crazy. It wasn't fair, though. Darla and Jensen weren't being bad babies, and pretty much everyone expected them to act like their mother.

But Cassie wouldn't share, she refused to learn to talk or walk, and she would often fuss if anything didn't go her way. Whenever she and Darla played together, she would snatch Darla's toys and hit the little West-Oliver girl if she wanted something Darla had.

Jensen's only 'bad' aspect was that he would pull off all of his clothes whenever someone dressed him. While Jade was out, she put one of Darla's dresses on him and he didn't bother taking it off. But Cassie wanted to be the only girl in the home, so she would always try to pull of Jensen's dresses whenever they were around. It was a good thing Darla chose to wear her brother's pants and overalls all the time.

"Time for nap-nap," the teen mother announced as cheerily as she could in her tired voice as she put her daughter in the crib. Cassie banged her hands onto the crib's white-coated rails in protest and shouted "No!" over and over. She only spoke when she wanted something, and she most certainly wanted out of that crib.

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

Around seven thirty, Cat decided to go lay down, as if she felt like doing anything else after dealing with her troublesome toddler. She must have been tired, though, because she didn't wake up until she felt a cold hand on her shoulder. Startled, she jumped up on her bed with a gasp, turning to see Robbie smiling at her, back from his four day trip with his parents.

"Sorry," he apologized. "My hands are still cold from the mountains."

"Did you have fun?" she asked, sitting on her knees and putting her hands in her lap.

Robbie shrugged. "All I could think about was you," he confessed. Leaning into her, he cupped her and against the side of her neck and leaned in to kiss her.

Cat flinched at his cold touch but happily kissed him back. Kissing him quickly turned into the highlight of her weekend, making her feel less empty inside. She wanted to keep kissing him until her lips fell off if it would always make her feel as good as she did right then.

"I missed you so much, Cat," he whispered between neck kisses.

"I missed you, too, Robbie," she returned as she twirled her fingers in his curly hair.

His hands traveled up and down her body, his lips hungrily grasping hers. He desperately needed her, and four days in a dead zone only made his need worse.

They hadn't had sex yet—and he wasn't going to pressure her—but they'd gotten close on more than one occasion. He knew how to set her body on fire, and she was so close to giving herself to him. But the nagging thought of another pregnancy kept turning her off from sex. She always wanted another baby, to have a really big family since it was just her and Bryce growing up, but she didn't want to get pregnant again.

There was no doubt she loved her daughter—even with her recently developed bad phase—but she hated being pregnant. She was always hot, tired, and cranky. She was mean and she hurt in places that she didn't know could hurt. She threw up every day during the first four months of her pregnancy and she was always uncomfortable, no matter how she sat or stood. Yeah, she would have Robbie by her side if she got pregnant, but she just didn't want to do it again, especially not in her first year of college.

So that meant no sex.

"Stop," she murmured as his hands started to slide up her dress. She put her hands on his and pushed them away. "I don't want to."

With a loud sigh, he collapsed beside her onto the bed. "You never want to," he mumbled.

"I just can't," she said as she scooted back onto the bed. "I don't feel good. Let's just go to bed!" Then she bounced on the bed, grabbing the covers and pulling them overtop her head, despite the fact that she was still wearing her day clothes.

He sighed dejectedly, climbing off the bed. "If you get hungry, I'll be downstairs making spaghetti tacos."

Cat bit her lip, trying not to squeak. Even if that was one of her favorite foods, she couldn't be around Robbie right now. She rolled onto her side and clenched her eyes shut beneath the blanket. She hated making him sad and really wanted to be with him the way she was with Danny, but she just couldn't get pregnant again.

Not right now.

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

When her phone alarm woke her up the next morning, Robbie wasn't there.

Cat  _hmph_ ed and closed her eyes, forcing the oncoming tears to go away. He was probably still mad at her…

She grabbed her bathrobe from the closet door handle and draped it over her arm. When she looked down, she realized she was still wearing her frilly pink dress. And it was wrinkled!

She sighed again and made her way to the bathroom for her shower. Inside the bathroom, she quickly undressed and hopped into the shower, even though the water was cold when she turned it on. Though she held herself as she shivered, she liked getting in when the water was cold because it made her appreciate the warmth more when the heater kicked on.

After a rather long shower, she donned her robe and went downstairs for breakfast. Her brother told her when she was younger that towel drying was bad because it made your skin wrinkle faster. No one would love her if she had wrinkly skin.

In the kitchen, Beck was making breakfast for everyone. It was their first day at college and he didn't want everyone to go on an empty stomach. He currently stood at the stove making scrambled eggs and turned around when he heard Cat's slippers scrape on the floor. "Morning, Cat," he greeted back.

"Good morning!" she greeted in her usual chipper demeanor as she returned the smile and took a seat at the small round table in the dining room. "Where are Jade and Robbie?"

"Jade's getting a shower," he answered as he turned back around to move the eggs from his skillet to two plates. Beside the plates was another one with toast and bacon on it. Bacon sounded really good right now… "Robbie just left a few minutes ago. Said he wanted to go ahead and find his classes."

"Oh," the petite girl breathed dejectedly. Her ears perked when she heard Cassie crying, and she sighed tiredly. "I'll be back in a minute…"

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

Cat bounced excitedly, her red dress flapping all around her. "Hurry up, Jade!" she whined as the taller girl walked out of the door with her twins in two separate baby carriers.

"Some of us weren't so lucky to only have  _one_ baby," Jade reminded her in a huff of breath. "I'd move faster if someone helped me, y'know."

The tiny redhead sucked her teeth in a fluster and bounced over to her friend. She took Darla's carrier, since Jensen didn't really like when she picked him up, and walked quickly with the toddler back to the silver hatchback in the driveway to allow Jade to lock the front door.

Cassie, who already sat in her car seat in the backseat of Jade's car, played with her fingers while cooing noisily. When her mother walked up to the car with another child in tow, her face fell and her eyes narrowed. She made a noise of disapproval as Cat placed Darla in one of the spots beside her and popped her mother's hands continuously as she tried to strap Darla into the seat.

"Stop it, Cassie!" Cat exclaimed, gently swatting her daughter's hands away while trying to settle Darla in, "Bad girl!"

" _Bad mama_!" the little Valentine shouted at the top of her lungs.

Cat gasped—completely forgetting about Darla's safety belt—and shot up quickly in shock, hitting her head on the top of the car. She fell back on the ground dramatically, crying out in pain, and Jade hurried over to her.

"Cat!" Jade cried, running up to her friend on the ground. "Are you okay?"

Cat's lower lip trembled and her eyes started to water. "No," she answered with a breaking voice. "My baby's so mean to me!"

Jade rolled her eyes and reached out to pull Cat up off the ground. "Be mean back to her," she advised simply. "You're her mother; you're the one in charge. You keep letting her walk all over you!"

A tear rolled down Cat's cheek as she rubbed the top of her head. "But I can't be mean to her," she cried out. "I love her!"

"I know you do," Jade allowed as she walked around the car and placed Jensen in the free seat beside Cassie. "But you have to discipline her. Otherwise, she's gonna turn into a little brat." As she situated Jensen and buckled all the necessary belts, Cassie tried to push her away in the hopes that she would take him away. But as soon as the other toddler touched Jade's hand, Jade shot her a dark glare that instantly made her stop. She turned away from her aunt and started to cry loudly.

Cat gasped and ripped open the passenger's door, quickly climbing in to soothe her daughter by rubbing her arms. "What did you do?" she hissed, shooting an accusing glare at her friend once she'd calmed her daughter.

"She hit me and I looked at her," Jade spat honestly as she continued to fix Jensen's seat. "I let her know without words not to bother me when I'm helping my son."

Cat frowned and watched Jade through the rearview windshield as she walked around the back of the car to make sure that Darla was set as well. "But you made her cry," she whispered sadly.

"Babies  _cry_ , Cat," Jade pointed out, not taking her eyes off her daughter. "They'll get over it if you let them. You can't run to them every time they cry. She won't even remember this happened." She looked up at Cat with a hard, serious gaze. "They'll never learn how to be independent if you never let them cry it out."

Cat huffed and turned around, plopping down in her seat. She didn't want Cassie to grow up to be a bad girl, but she didn't want to make her baby cry in order to teach her to be good.

But maybe Jade was right. She was really protective of the twins, but she didn't baby them the way Cat babied Cassie. Darla was a well-behaved baby and Jensen wasn't destructive or bad either. Jade never spanked them and Cat told herself she would never spank her children, but what if Jade made her do it? Would she be able to deal with putting her hand to her daughter? What if Cassie hated her?

She wouldn't be able to live with that…

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

"My anniversary is coming up," Cat announced quietly after a brief silence on the car ride to school.

"You don't sound happy about that," Jade quipped with a small smirk that her friend didn't see. They both kept their eyes on the road.

"I know you and Beck like to be together on your anniversary," the redhead said sheepishly.

"We like to be together in general, Cat," the Goth pointed out. "If you're talking about sex, just say it."

The smaller girl gasped. "You can't say that word around the B-A-B-I-E-S!" she exclaimed, giving her an embarrassed, sidelong glance. "They'll think bad thoughts."

"They don't even know what sex is," Jade spat, gripping the wheel a little tighter "And even if they learn today, they won't remember it. Babies don't remember anything before three." She scrunched her face slightly. "And you don't have to spell out what they are." She rolled her eyes at how silly her friend was as she took a left. "Anyway, what about anniversaries?"

"Robbie will want to…to have sex with me," Cat announced as she closed her eyes and brought her knees to her chest.

"He wants to have sex with you anyway, Cat," Jade pointed out, her head snapping to her friend when they reached a stoplight. "Is he doing anything he shouldn't? Did he make you play 'Pirates' again?"

"No!" the Valentine girl quickly refuted. "We haven't…I'm just scared. I don't want to get pregnant again…" She lowered her head in shame.

"Then I'll take you to the doctor and get you some birth control," her friend offered.

"But you got pregnant on birth control," Cat reminded.

Jade sighed as she turned back to the road. A car honked behind her, so she stuck her hand out of the open window and flipped them off before speeding off. "I know I did," she said with a curt nod. "But things like that are very rare. Beck and I also don't use condoms because I think they're gross and I hate the way they feel. Make him use one and you'll be fine."

"I don't know," the petite mother breathed. She rested her head on her knees. She shouldn't have even said anything.

Jade didn't understand.

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

Aside from sex with Robbie and how much she wanted and didn't want it at the same time, Cat couldn't stop thinking about how she would discipline Cassie on the way to school. She had to stop, though; today was her first day of college and she needed to focus on school.

When they were registering for classes two weeks before school started, Jade told Cat it would be a smart idea to take early morning classes since their toddlers needed constant care. She also told her it would be smart to take her General Education courses to get them out of the way so she'd signed up for a Math, English, History, Science, and a French class since she already knew a little bit of French. Today she would have her English, History, and French classes, but she would be done by noon. She didn't like not being able to take any singing classes or music classes, but Jade would never tell her wrong.

When they reached UCLA, Jade turned left toward the middle of the campus where the daycare would be. Neither of the girls felt comfortable leaving their children, but they had no other options. Jade had no nearby family members that would be able to watch the children, Beck and Robbie had to go to school, too, Cat's mother had to work, and Jade sure as hell didn't trust Cat's brother to watch the babies. She made the mistake of letting Bryce watch her house once when everyone went on a group outing and came back to half the furniture missing. They found the missing furniture in an alleyway guarded by a hoard of feral cats.

The West girl pulled up to the daycare and both girls got out of the car. She unbuckled Jensen first while Cat unbuckled Darla. Cat waited until she came around the front of the car before handing Darla over and getting Cassie out of the car. Cat led the way and opened the door since Jade had her hands full, and both girls were greeted with a wonderful little building.

The walls were painted to make the room look like the inside of a gingerbread house. A box of toys sat neatly in the corner and gumdrop-shaped tables sat in the middle of the room with neatly stacked crayons and papers on top. By the wall across from the toy box sat a bin with blue and purple sleeping mats as well as little blankets and pillows. Beside the bin was a shelf full of little stuffed lions, bears, monkeys, pigs, and more, making Cat smile.

And a desk sat on the wall where the door was, adorned with drawings and crafts obviously made by distracted toddlers. A woman, around thirty-five with long and naturally red hair pulled into a messy bun atop her head, rose from the desk and smiled at the teen mothers. She wore faded blue mom-jeans with a loose, white blouse tucked into it.

"Good morning," she greeted. "I'm Miss Haggerty." She bent over and placed her hands on her knees, smiling at the toddlers once at eye level. "And who are you little angels?"

Cat smiled and placed her hand on Cassie's head. "This is my daughter, Cassidy," she announced proudly. "But we call her Cassie." She pointed at Jade's children. "This is Jade's daughter, Darla, and her son, Jensen." Then she gasped, realizing she'd forgotten something. "I'm Cat, by the way!"

Jade rolled her eyes at her friend's cheery disposition. "We'll be back around noon," she stated pointedly, getting right to the point. She glared at Miss Haggerty as she stood upright. "You may have a fancy degree and training or  _what_ ever, but if I find out that anything bad happens to my kids…well, you'd better sleep with one eye open."

"I don't appreciate being threatened," Miss Haggerty spat, crossing her arms. "Jade, is it? I've worked with children for twenty years. I've raised three boys that are now in high school. Whatever your children throw at me, I can handle. I take my job  _very_  seriously." She held the scary girl's gaze for a moment and Jade scowled. This stranger seemed legit, but that didn't make she want to hand over her children.

However, she still didn't have any other options.

Her professors wouldn't take kindly to babies in class, some had made that clear on their syllabi, and she was going to be late to her first class if she didn't give Darla and Jensen to this woman.

Fighting an annoyed growl, Jade reluctantly handed over the baby carriages to Ms. Haggerty. She kissed them both on the head and glared once more at the daycare runner. "I'll be back at noon," she repeated, turning on her feet and exiting the room.

Cat sighed as Miss Haggerty placed Darla and Jensen's baby carriages on the carpet. "I'm sorry about Jade," she apologized. "She's been through a lot and she's really protective of her babies. She means well, though."

"I'm sure she does," the daycare runner announced with a small smile. "She's not the first overprotective parent I've had come to my nursery, and I'm sure she won't be the last. But I promise that your children will be just fine. Others should be on their way, so I'm sure they'll make a lot of friends."

Cat smiled. "I really want Cassie to make friends," she confessed, "But my mommy says she's in her 'Terrible Two's' stage and she's not a good girl. She's a little bit of a handful…"

"That's perfectly alright," Miss Haggerty assured her. She held out her hands for Cassie's baby carriage and Cat handed over her daughter with ease. "I've worked with difficult children before, and I try to help them behave more. And if her behavior is still bad after a few weeks of attending this daycare, I have a lot of references that may be able to help you."

Cat gasped with a wide, open-mouthed smile. Cassie wouldn't be bad anymore and she wouldn't have to be disciplined! Her daughter wouldn't hate her and everyone would be happy! "Thank you so much!" she exclaimed joyously. She leaned over and pecked Cassie on the forehead. "I'll be back after class!"

With that, she bounced out of the nursery and into Jade's car to get ready for her classes.

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

Cat loved her French class.

Her teacher was a grey-haired fifty-something and devilishly funny. Granted, she was a bit of a nerd when it came to things she loved, but he made hilarious French-related jokes that she just couldn't get enough of. She also made friends in class because of the small group-setting format of the room. They even played an ice breaker game that she loved that made her feel comfortable in the lumbering classroom.

By the end of the class, she became giddy with excitement, ready to pick up her daughter from daycare; the longest she'd ever been away from Cassie was the very first day of Senior year when her teachers told her around lunch time that a high school was no place for an infant. (Jade, however, 'convinced' Principal Helen to look the other way so the three girls could bring their children with them.)

"…and starting Wednesday we'll be partaking in complete immersion," her teacher, Dr. Patrick Beasom, announced. " _Je suggère que vous étudiez vos livres_. If you don't know what I said, then crack open your textbooks!"

Cat smiled to herself, feeling proud that she could understand his request.

As soon as Dr. Beasom released the class, Cat shot up from her chair. She almost made it out of the class when a slender hand landed on her shoulder. She turned around to see a girl, around 5'5" with long, black ringlets and bright blue eyes—brighter than Jade's on occasion—smiling at her. Though Cat didn't pay much attention, this girl was strikingly beautiful. Tiny freckles danced along her porcelain skin and her full lips doused in red. Her clothes were subtle, but still managed to show off her curves in a dignified manner. Her nails were pristinely polished and manicured, painted light blue to match her blouse. And to top this magnificent girl off, she had a silver bar running through her eyebrow, just like Jade.

"Hi!" Cat greeted happily.

"Hey yourself," the girl greeted back. "My name's Natalie."

"Hi, Natalie!" the redhead exclaimed a little loudly.

"I need four semesters of a foreign language to graduate," the raven haired girl announced, cutting to the chase and flashing enticing eyes. "French is really hard for me, but it was the only language class open when I registered. Do you think you would mind tutoring me?"

Cat opened her mouth to respond when her phone buzzed in her bra. She jumped in shock and quickly pulled it out before Natalie's curious eyes and saw she had a text from Robbie.

**_Sorry I rushed out this morning. Miss you, Cat!_ **

Cat's smile twitched. She hadn't completely forgotten about Robbie, but she had a lot going on with the babies and the first day of class that she managed to not think of him for a whole two hours. Seeing his name again reminded her of last night, and how they almost had sex.

Thinking about her talk with Jade, she held no doubt in her mind that she would make Robbie use a condom. And if he didn't know how to use one, she would show him; she'd seen Danny do it every time they were together (except for the first time). But what if it broke? She took one of Danny's condoms once because she was curious about how a tiny little circle could fit on…

But she put her hand in it and, not long after she put her fist in it, it broke. How would they know if Robbie's would break while they were together? When she broke it, she didn't even feel it snap out like she would if it were a rubber band; the only thing she felt when it broke on her hand was the slimy stuff on the inside.

And then if it broke, what if her pill didn't work? Jade said it was rare, but what if it happened? And what if she had twins like Jade?! She couldn't even  _imagine_  raising three kids in college!

"Are you okay, Cat?" Natalie questioned, worry marking her perfect features.

Cat shook her fearful thoughts away. "Yeah," she lied with a wide grin. "I was just thinking. But yeah, I can help you study. When did you want to?"

The taller girl smirked. "I was thinking 'the sooner, the better,'" she answered. "Since it's only the first day, there won't be many people in the library."

Cat frowned uneasily. "I don't know," she hesitated. "I have to get my daughter from daycare and my friend is gonna drive us back home."

"I love kids!" Natalie exclaimed with a pleasant smile. Her full lips nearly spread from ear to ear as a new idea filled her head. "I live in an apartment just a five minute walk away. You can bring your daughter over and I'll drive you both back when you're ready to leave."

Cat visibly thought it over for a moment. Cassie probably wouldn't want to meet Natalie and she would probably be fussy after spending time in the daycare, but that would give her a reason not to go back home and a reason not to see Robbie. She could spend a lot of time studying with Natalie, and they could hang out if they didn't want to study anymore. Then she could get home late, probably when Robbie was asleep or about to go to sleep, and he wouldn't have the energy to touch her.

"Okay," she caved. "Just let me go pick Cassie up and we can go back to your place."

"Great," her new friend breathed, her azure eyes capturing the little redhead. "I'll come with you and help you carry your stuff."

Cat smiled brightly, happy that she'd made a new friend.

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

Cat had to resist the urge to run across campus since she had Natalie to walk with. The sound of her black flats slowly  _tap, tap, tap_ ping along the sidewalk made her antsy; she just wanted to be near her daughter again. She missed holding Cassie and reading to her. She'd only been away from her daughter for three hours, but it felt like a lifetime!

And Cassie would be getting hungry soon.

Natalie tried to make conversation during their walk, but Cat was too preoccupied with her thoughts of Cassie to form coherent sentences. By the time they'd walked far enough that the daycare was in sight, Cat took off running, her dress flowing around her wildly in the wind. Natalie stared off at her for a few moments, but quickly took off after her to catch up.

The petite mother didn't even bother hesitating to catch her breath when she reached the front door; she simply ripped it open and bounded inside. Jade sat in a little chair with Darla in her lap, reading to her quietly. Even though it was a baby book, Jade didn't seem to mind reading it to her, especially when Darla managed to say her first word: cat.

Both of them looked up when Cat entered the daycare and Darla smiled broadly, waving her arms excitedly. "Cat, Cat!" she exclaimed.

The redhead gasped excitedly. "She said my name!" she cheered wispily.

"No she didn't," Jade denied with a scowl. "She said a word from the book and it just happened to be your name, too." She picked up a stuffed bear off of the nearby windowsill and held it up in front of Darla. "What's this?"

"Cat!" she answered, whining slightly as she squirmed in Jade's lap, trying to grab the stuffed toy.

"See?" the angry teen rebuffed, glaring at her friend.

Cat looked away and began searching the room for Cassie, trying not to meet Jade's terrifying gaze again. When she spotted Cassie in Miss Haggerty's lap, she smiled softly. From the look of it, Cassie played peacefully with the older woman's finger. But when Cassie saw her mother standing at the doorway, she reached her arms out and grasped at the air repeatedly. "Mama!" she screamed, her face starting to turn red. The obviously new and unpleasant attitude startled the woman holding her, and she bounced the toddler gently on her knee as she continued to cry. Cat quickly ran over to her daughter just as Natalie opened the door.

Jade eyed this new girl suspiciously, sensing something off. Maybe it was her maternal instincts or whatever, but she now had a way of telling if a girl or woman had a baby. And by looking at Natalie, Jade was absolutely sure that this stunning girl was  _not_  a mother.

Therefore, she had no business at the daycare.

"Is everything okay?" Natalie questioned, looking to Cat bouncing Cassie on her hip.

Cat nodded and walking over to her new friend. Her daughter put her head against her mother's chest, sucking her thumb softly. "She just missed me," she answered quietly. She kissed the top of Cassie's head with a pleased smile. "I missed her, too."

"Are you ready to go?" Jade interrupted snippily, standing up with Darla on her side.

Cat looked to her friend reluctantly. "I was going to take Cassie and go study with Natalie," she stated. "She offered to take us home afterward."

Jade grimaced and glared at Natalie before going back to Cat. "Keep your phone on," she advised. "You'd better pick up if I have to call you."

Cat lowered her head. "Kay, kay," she responded glumly.

"Cat," Miss Haggerty called from her desk. "Can I speak to you for a moment?"

The synthetic redhead spun on her heels and walked with a bounce in her step while Jade prepared her twins to go home. "Is everything okay?" she asked with a hint of worry.

Miss Haggerty pursed her lips. "I'm worried about Cassie's behavior," she declared, getting right to the point. "When you left her here this morning, she got really angry. She refused to cooperate for the first ten minutes, and then she didn't want to listen to me when I tried to get her to behave. She threw toys around the room and snatched them out of the hands of children that came later on in the day. I wanted to ask you how often you discipline her."

Cat shrugged her shoulders. "Not much, I guess," she retorted. "Jade and I live together and her son cries when she disciplines her. I don't like when my baby cries."

"I don't assume that you would," the daycare runner acknowledged with a small smile. "But she's at that age where discipline is critical. If she poses any bad behaviors, you need to instantly stop her, otherwise she'll never learn."

"You sound like Jade," the younger girl mumbled, looking down at her feet.

"Maybe you could learn from her," Miss Haggerty suggested. "She may seem a little…rough around the edges, but her children are better-behaved than most I've seen."

Cat pouted. She didn't want to discipline Cassie, but she wouldn't be able to handle it if her daughter continued to misbehave. Maybe she was being a little irrational. Darla and Jensen didn't hate Jade, or at least didn't act like it.

She sighed loudly and silently assured herself that she would be able to do this.

She would be strong enough.

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

**7 PM.**

"I think I've had about enough French for the night," Natalie announced, falling back onto the carpet. She and Cat were in the living room, because she didn't like trying to do work in her bedroom. Her roommates were all out at the moment, and Cassie was asleep in the corner, clinging to her stuffed frog.

"Are you gonna take me home now?" Cat questioned, closing her textbook.

"You don't have to go home right now if you don't want to," the raven haired girl informed her as she slowly twirled her ankle in the air. She sat up with a wide, mischievous grin. "I know a guy throwing a party tonight. Wasn't planning on going, but maybe I could take you. You look like you could use a good party."

"But what about my baby?" the redhead asked without hesitation. "I can't just leave her here, and I don't think babies like parties very much." She looked down at her hands in thought. "My brother used to like parties when he was a baby, but then a horse bit him."

For a moment, Natalie looked at the petite girl in confusion. Then she shook it away, her ringlets flying around. "We could run her by your place really quick and head off," she suggested.

"Can I wear this dress?" Cat asked excitedly.

Her new friend chuckled, her tongue lightly dancing on her lips. "You can wear whatever you want."

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

Robbie smiled to himself as he entered the mall. He was going to buy Cat a present to celebrate their one year anniversary. He was going to present her with one of the most magnificent presents he could buy with the money he made secretly selling his paintings on eBay. He would have to email the strange puppet connoisseur and thank him for buying the various paintings of Rex. Maybe he would paint more pictures later to make enough and take her out on a fancy date.

He didn't tell her about it, but he'd opened up a bank account and stashed all his art money in it. He would tell her about the account later and share it with her, but now he had sole access to nearly $2000 wired to a bank card to spend on his whimsical desires.

He looked around the mall for her favorite jewelry store that he may or may not have forgotten the name of. From what he could see, Bale's was the only jewelry store on the first floor. He was pretty sure that store was on the second floor, but there were two jewelry stores there. He remembered going with his step-dad one day to pick out an engagement ring for his mother, and his step-dad told him they were going to her favorite store. Cat was a lot like his mother, so Robbie hoped they liked the same store.

But what was it  _called_?

Robbie jogged up to the nearest escalator and climbed it quickly as if it were a set of stairs. He didn't have much time to waste with frivolous luxuries; Cat would be expecting him home soon to make up for leaving so early.

Once at the top of the escalator, he looked to his left. Some jewelry store with an unbelievably French name that he couldn't pronounce stood by The Cookie Cutter.

But that wasn't it.

Looking right and down the large corridor, Tilly's sat facing Robbie, its pink sign glowing radiantly.

That's it!

He took off at a fast paced walk, keeping mind of his speed since running wasn't allowed in the mall. And when he got there, a young man with hair as dark and as long as Beck's but skin as pale as Jade's looked up from his computer. He wore a Jade-like scowl, nearly convincing Robbie to turn around and leave.

"Can I help you?" he asked with a not-so-friendly tone.

"I'm looking for a promise ring for my girlfriend," Robbie announced with a broad grin, despite the man's unpleasant demeanor. "It's our anniversary next week."

"Charming," the clerk sighed apathetically. He moved over to a glass casing system at the far end of the store and away from the register. He took in a deep breath. "This is our collection of promise rings," he sighed emotionlessly. He gestured to the left side of the case. "These are our 'wallet friendly' collections. Take your pick."

Robbie fought the urge to roll his eyes. So much for customer service.

While he wanted to get Cat a nice ring, he did have to keep the price in mind. He still had to help out with the bills. But as long as he could paint, he'd be able to make money…

Scanning from left to right, he found a set of promise rings with ridged-shaped bands that almost looked like crowns, yet looked softly rounded like clouds at the same time. The inside of the smaller ring was a soft gold color, while the inside of the larger ring was a dim silver. They were somewhat plain, but Cat would like them; he could always add things to them as well, which he planned to do.

"How much would it cost to get rings engraved?" Robbie questioned, keeping his eyes on the bands.

"It's three dollars a word, per ring," the clerk announced, looking down at a magazine. "Accents range from twenty-five to one hundred dollars, per ring."

Robbie bit his lip in deliberation. That didn't sound too bad, and Cat was worth it. He just hoped she would like what he picked out.

"I want these two," he announced, pointing down at the ridged bands. He looked up at the clerk. "And I want the words 'I will always be with you' engraved on the outside of them so we can always look at them."

"Is there anything else you'd like on the rings?" the worker asked, not moving from his seat.

"Um…I think I want 'Caterina Valentine' engraved on the inside of the bottom of the bigger one," Robbie stated. "And I think I want 'Robert Shapiro' on the inside of the smaller one."

"You think or you know?" the worker clarified impatiently, narrowing his eyes slightly at his magazine.

Robbie sneered. "I want that," he told the man adamantly. "I also want a diamond at the start and the end of the sentence. Can you tell me the price of the rings with the engravings before the diamonds?"

"The price of the rings is right under them," the cashier pointed out. "You want less than twenty words so multiply that by three and that's the most you'll be looking at before the diamonds."

Robbie looked back down at the price of the rings. The whole set was an even twenty dollars. If he got twenty words, which he wasn't sure he did, that would be sixty dollars. Eighty dollars for two rings didn't seem too bad, but then again…he had never bought a ring before, so he wasn't sure if this price was reasonable.

But he had $2,000 to spend, so it wouldn't matter if he spent $200 on a set of rings. After all, Beck told him that Jade's engagement ring was five times that amount.

"What kind of diamond can I get for thirty dollars?" Robbie asked, staring straight at the clerk.

He rolled his eyes. "I hope you have enough room in your pocket for all that money you're not spending," he quipped.

Robbie narrowed his eyes. "How about you stop giving me such a bad attitude when all I'm trying to do is get a gift for my girlfriend who stood by me while I was in a coma even though she was pregnant by a douche who didn't have the balls to raise his own baby and help me get a good ring?"

The intensity of Robbie's voice shocked him and prompted him to help Robbie, without the annoying disrespect.

* * *

_Don't blink. You might miss._

* * *

Dropping Cassie off was simple, quick, and easy. Cat slipped into the house and upstairs without a sound, gently placing her daughter in her crib between the twins. Beck almost caught her as she was leaving, but she moved too fast for him to stop her.

On the way to the party, Cat and Natalie didn't really say much, not that anything could be heard over the earsplitting guitar riffs from Papa Roach blasting through the speakers of Natalie's escalade.

As she pulled up to a house thirty minutes from campus, Cat grew uneasy. She never went to parties, and she wasn't sure she wanted to go to one without Jade. But maybe there would be cake!

"You ready?" Natalie asked as she cut the engine.

"Yeah," Cat breathed, plastering on an excited smile. Together, the girls climbed out of the black escalade. Natalie walked around the front of the car and locked arms with the redhead. She wore a sexy smile as she led her tiny friend to the front door, and Cat looked on in awe as Natalie simply opened the door and walked right in.

A loud rap song echoed through the house, shaking the walls packed with mingling people. Some of them had Solo cups, others had bottles, but everyone had something in their hands. Some took swigs of their drinks as they danced to the beat, others just watched their company with intoxicated grins. Girls danced on tables, twirling their shirts around their heads and hooting louder than the music.

"Nat!" a boy with sandy blonde hair and glazed green eyes called, running up to the girls. He looked to be about Beck's 5'10" stature, and Cat thought he smelled funny. She wasn't sure what it was he smelled like, but it made her scrunch her nose.

"Joey!" Natalie returned enthusiastically and coolly, letting go of Cat's arm and enveloping the boy in a hug.

He looked over her shoulders as he hugged her and winked, causing Cat to blush a little. "Who's the new girl?" he asked, nodding slightly.

Natalie chuckled and held her guy friend a little tighter. "Back off," she threatened lowly so Cat wouldn't hear it over the music. "She's mine."

Joey laughed slightly, keeping it below the music. "Learn to share, Natty Bear."

Before the dark haired girl could utter a witty response, Cat enveloped both of them. "I love hugs!" she shouted over the roaring music as it changed to an upbeat rock melody.

The boy in her arms laughed again and ducked out of the hug. "I have something else you'd like," he told her, nodding his head toward the stairway. He grabbed her hand and led her upstairs, Natalie following close behind with her arms crossed.

Someone didn't fucking listen.

Cat's shoes scraped against the red carpeting, and she looked all around to take in the décor hidden behind drunken partiers as Joey led them through another throng of people. He took them down a long corridor packed wall to wall and opened a door to the left, ushering the girls inside. They practically fell into the room, and he had to push people away to keep them for coming in. He locked the door before turning back to the girls who'd taken the liberty of sitting on the bed, Natalie pressed close to the redhead.

Joey reached into his back pocket and pulled out a rather large joint, as well as a lighter. Natalie's eyes light up and she grinned from ear to ear. "Score!" she exclaimed, reaching her hands to him. "Gimmie, gimmie!"

"Ah, ah," Joey spoke, shaking his head slightly as he walked over to them. He shifted the lighter into his other hand and lit the joint, mesmerizing Cat. Her eyes widened in confusion as he gestured it toward her. "We let our guests go first, Nat. What kind of friends would we be if we hogged it all?"

"W-what am I supposed to do with it?" the tiny girl asked sheepishly as she looked from the burning hand-made cigar to the average-looking boy holding it.

"You smoke it, silly!" Natalie said incredulously, nudging Cat in the shoulder.

The redhead gasped and turned to her new friend. "But smoking is bad!" she cried, her curled locks bouncing slightly.

Joey rolled his eyes. It was typical of Natalie to bring goodie-goodie girls around. "Jeez, where'd you find this girl?" he grumbled.

Natalie wrapped her arms around Cat's shoulders and rubbed the left one protectively. "Smoking _cigarettes_  is bad," she clarified. "This is weed. Smoke that and you'll be the happiest little kitten in the bunch."

Cat clapped her hands joyously. "I love happy cats!" she beamed. She looked back to Joey as she lowered her hands. He gestured the joint to her once more and she took it. Her first thought was to put the burning end in her mouth because her brother said that's where the best smoke came from, but Natalie quickly grabbed her hand and turned the joint around so she could bring the non-lit portion to her lips.

"Breathe in and hold it," the older girl instructed as the joint touched Cat's mouth.

The redhead nodded determinately and inhaled the burning mass. It tasted like that awful smell that she got a whiff of downstairs: dirty grass mixed with old dandelions. Some of the smoke billowed to the back of her throat and she pulled the cigar away before a coughing fit took her over.

Joey laughed while Natalie patted her on the back, and he took a long drag before handing it to his friend. "You can't cough it out," he said, inhaling with every word. His strained voice made Cat giggle, and she giggled harder when he puffed his cheeks out like a squirrel.

"I'm gonna let you try again," Natalie announced, "But we do 'puff-puff-pass.' You get a hit and you give it to Joey. Got it?"

Cat gave a sharp nod as the girl beside her took a short drag. "Kay, kay," she breathed. By the time Natalie handed it back to her, she was already starting to feel lightheaded. She was about to take another drag when Joey let out a loud gasp and shocked her. He laughed at her reaction and had to take a step back to keep from falling.

And though she couldn't help it, Cat snickered.

She was starting to feel a little tingly. She could feel her blood bubbling beneath her skin, and it seemed to concentrate on the sides of the bridge of her nose and beneath her bottom eyelids. She tried blinking, but she could only move one eyelid at a time. Joey snickered at her and Natalie gasped for air, falling back on the bed as she laughed uncontrollably.

Trying to suppress her giggles, Cat took another small drag from the joint and handed it back to Joey who gladly took it from her. She tried her hardest to keep the smoke in her mouth, but slender fingers danced along her hips and she couldn't help but let all the smoke out through her nose and her mouth as she laughed.

She fell back into Natalie's arms and both girls giggled wildly. Everything started to blur around Cat as she looked around the room, and she wasn't entirely sure she could feel Natalie's arms around her waist anymore.

Nothing could register.

Her eyelids felt heavy and she was sure that she kept falling asleep. She would wake up when she felt something touch her neck, and her eyes would shoot open. She could see the top of Natalie's head as the girl kissed her neck, but she felt the kisses in different places, like she was a lagging computer. When Natalie kissed her lips, she wasn't sure she felt it.

Everything moved too fast for her to stop.


	2. 21 Guns

* * *

_“When you're at the end of the road, and you lost all sense of control, and your thoughts have taken their toll, when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul, your faith walks on broken glass and the hangover doesn't pass.” – Green Day_

* * *

_Kiss me._

_Run your hands along my thighs._

_Drag your teeth up and down my neck._

_Call me dirty names like I like it. Tell me I’m a bad girl. Say that I’m yours and no one else’s. Pull me closer to you._

_Be my everything._

She would often dream of her skin pressed against her boyfriend’s. That was the only way she could do it, really. He would always touch her in her dreams, always tell her he loved her whenever she wanted. He would do whatever he could to please her, even if it wasn’t sex since she didn’t really like it that much.

In her dreams, he was perfect.

But this wasn’t a dream. This was reality, and Tori Vega’s reality involved her lying in bed—alone—while Andre was probably knocked out on the couch. Last month, he got picked up by a music producer and he’d been working on demo tapes nonstop.

 _I can’t stop_ , he’d said _. I gotta finish these songs!_

Pop, rock, EDM, just name it and he would be working on it. He was writing lyrics around the clock, syncing them up with the music he made on his laptop’s piano extension. He ignored her and their son, and the only time he gave her the time of day was so he could ask her to sing the vocals on some of his songs. Those ten minutes that she spent helping him record were the longest she’d spent with him since he’d been picked up.

‘Lonely’ was just the tip of the iceberg for her. She rarely left her house since her mom did all the grocery shopping. She opted out of getting a job, even part time, so she could focus on her schoolwork. Even though all thoughts of college flew out the window when she found out she was pregnant—not that she really wanted to go anyway—she enrolled in an online university to make her parents happy. She rarely saw her friends from high school; they had their own kids to worry about. She had very little human contact aside from her parents and occasionally Trina—she’d only met her sister’s boyfriend, Blake, once or twice.

She imagined it would get worse after the label signed him.

She wondered if this is what broke up Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson.

With a sigh, Tori rolled onto her side, resting her hand between her head and the pillow, and stared into her son’s crib. The crib would start out in Trina’s old room where it was supposed to be as it had become the nursery once she moved out, before his mom would get paranoid during the night and roll the crib into her room and place it by her bed.

She wished she could be like her son; it was as if he didn’t have a care in the world. And why would he? He was only two. He wouldn’t remember anything until after he turned three, according to the baby book she read when she was pregnant with him. He didn’t know that Andre didn’t give him attention, and he wouldn’t remember even if he did. She knew that he knew his mother loved him, and that would be all that mattered for now.

Every time she looked at her son—the long curve of his nose, his prominent brows, the downward curve in his upper eyelids—she was certain that Andre would see that there wasn’t a hint of his DNA in the precious baby.

And she was right.

After Antonio’s first birthday, Andre began to notice. The baby’s skin was too light. Tori’s skin had a hazel hue, so there was no Andre’s dark complexion could make a creamy-toned baby like Antonio; he should at least be a cinnamon or chestnut baby. Antonio didn’t have any of his father-in-question’s facial features, no birthmarks that could have spawned from Andre, and his hair texture was nowhere near what Latino/black hair could have been.

There were no other men in Tori’s life besides her father and occasionally Beck and Robbie, and she wasn’t a very good liar, so he didn’t think she was cheating on him. He highly doubted that she could have gone out and found a guy to sleep with; she wasn’t the type to get intimate early on in a relationship, and she wasn’t one to keep her relationships a secret. He also doubted that it could be Danny since they hadn’t had contact in three years.

He also…wasn’t entirely sure she loved him, not in the way he loved her. Their sex life was virtually nonexistent. The first time they had sex—when he supposedly got her pregnant—she seemed like she couldn’t get comfortable with him. When Antonio was about twenty months, they tried again, and she just seemed…disinterested in sex with him.

He knew that a couple didn’t have to prove they loved each other by having sex, but it felt like he didn’t turn her on. And if he didn’t, someone else _would_. It worried him. In the back of his mind, the thought that she could be using him so she wouldn’t have to raise a baby alone plagued him. Maybe she was just waiting for someone better to come along and he was just her safety net. But how could be bring that up to her?

_Hey, so I figured out that your baby isn’t mine and I’m pretty pissed that you’re just using me so you won’t be alone since I don’t think you love me._

It seemed simple enough, but he couldn’t force himself to say that to her. Only some heartless subhuman could say something like that. And what else was he supposed to do? He fell in love with her when she first came to Hollywood Arts, and he’d invested all his time with her. He even moved in with her at her parents’ home after graduation, planning on saving up money so they could get a house like Beck and Jade did. His entire life was devoted to her and their kid.

His entire life was devoted to a lie.

He wanted her to tell him the truth, that Antonio wasn’t his. But, he knew he would believe her if she said she was positive that the little boy was his. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have dedicated the last three years of his life to her.

So when he got picked up by Macabre Records, he decided that he would continue to work towards getting a house. He would put his blood, sweat, and tears into the tracks so he would get somewhere with his music. Then, he hoped that she would finally come clean. If she didn’t, he would man up and tell her that he wanted a paternity test. When the results came back negative, which he was sure they would, he would ask her if she knew.

Surely, she would.

So if she tried to lie to him, he would leave her. As much as it would kill him, he would leave her and _her_ son. He wouldn’t care if Antonio was someone else’s son, just as long as Tori was up front about it. If they couldn’t be honest with each other, then the relationship wouldn’t last.

He needed to be able to trust her.

* * *

  _Nothing's ever built to last. You're in ruins._

* * *

Tori took in a deep breath as she hoisted her son onto her hip. She was glad they’d widened after she gave birth; she’d seen her hipless boyfriend try to carry Antonio, and she could see the discomfort on both of their faces. Her post-baby curves made her feel a little more confident, but Andre’s neglect took that confidence away.

So she had to fix it.

She lifted her chin up and tried to muster as much confidence as she could as she walked up to Beck and Jade’s house. She hadn’t been here in a few months, nor had she talked to Jade, so maybe this wouldn’t be a hostile visit.

As she stepped up to the front door and prepared to ring the doorbell, she hoped that Jade would be able to help her. Even if she was mean with her ‘advice,’ Jade more than likely would help her. It was just a matter of if she could do whatever Jade would suggest.

A few seconds after ringing the doorbell, Cat opened the door and smiled lazily. “Hey, Tori,” she greeted, followed by a small giggle.

Tori raised an eyebrow in confusion. “H-hey, Cat,” she returned. She looked her old friend over, taking in her…unusual sight. Her normally pin-straight hair was curled at the tips and frizzy—on the verge of unruly. Her clothes were disheveled, like she couldn’t put them on right. She wore black leggings, but the right side of them weren’t even over her bottom, causing them to be bunched up at her knee. She wore a white shirt that was obviously way too big for her, hanging off her left shoulder to expose one of her twisted bra straps. She also only wore one bunny slipper. “Are…are you okay?”

The little redhead smiled lazily. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“W-well,” the Latina stammered. She shook her head. “Never mind. Is Jade home? I need to talk to her.”

Cat reached out and tickled Antonio’s bare feet. “Hi, Tony,” she cooed as the little boy giggled.

Tori furrowed her brow but looked to her son as he pressed his face into her shoulder and hid behind her hair. “Say hi to Cat,” she ordered softly. “You remember Cat.”

The little boy peaked out from his mother’s hair and quickly waved at the woman in front of him before quickly hiding back behind long brown locks.

Cat snickered and brought her hand to her mouth to hide it. Her depth perception, however, was off and she slapped herself, overdramatically wiping her hand up her face and scrunching her nose. She blinked in confusion, as if what she did couldn’t register. Her chocolate eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment, but then she shook it away and looked at the mother-son duo in the doorway with a curious stare. “Can he talk yet?”

Tori nodded with a worried look. “It’s just random words and small phrases right now,” she answered hesitantly, “But he can say my name; he calls me that instead of ‘Mama.’ Andre doesn’t really like it, but I think it’s cute.” She pursed her lips. “Listen…if Jade’s not here, I can just come back later.”

Cat’s eyes widened and she gasped. Her hands shot out to grab Tori’s arms, and she pulled the Latina and her son inside. “No, no!” she cried, stumbling over her feet as she stepped backward. “I never get to see you anymore! How’s Andre? It’s been so long since we talked!”

"I know," Tori sighed. "We've both just been really busy lately; he's putting a lot of focus on his music and I'm putting a lot of effort into taking care of _mi angelito_."

The redhead gasped in wonder. "What does that mean?"

“’My little angel,’” the taller girl responded as she tousled his messy black hair.

The little boy looked up and spotted the twins playing with Cassie in their playpen in the corner by the kitchen. He started to wiggle in his mom’s grasp. “Play!” he cried. “Play with baby!”

Tori smiled softly and walked over to the other three toddlers. She gently set her son down beside Jensen, and the little West-Oliver boy quickly welcomed the new addition by handing him a toy airplane. “So is there any reason why Jade's son's wearing a dress?”

“That’s all he’ll keep on,” the Valentine girl retorted with a small smile after a quick, slightly startling, cackle. She waved it off and threw herself off balance, falling onto the length of the couch. “He just rips everything else but his diaper off!”

Still put off by her friend’s weird behavior, Tori turned back to the toddlers and gently played with Darla’s nose. “You must be the only normal one in this house, Miss Darla,” she quipped quietly.

The little girl looked up when she heard her name and smiled before giving her full attention back to the toy fire truck in her hands.

The Latina sighed after a small smile and stood up, turning around to Cat who played with her hair as she lay on the couch. Her leg hung off the sofa and she swung it slowly, her slipper a few feet from the edge of the couch. Tori wanted to leave, but having Antonio play with the other children would be good for him, considering he hadn’t seen them in months.

Taking in a deep breath, she walked over to the couch and moved Cat’s legs so she could sit down. The other mother simply sat slumped into the cushion, apparently unfazed. “Can…can I ask you something, Cat?” She came for advice, and hopefully the strange-acting redhead could give her some.

The petite girl jumped upright onto the couch and tucked her legs beneath her, looking Tori straight in the eyes, trying to be serious. She started snickering again and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she apologized when she regained her composure. “Of course you can. Why would you even ask that?”

Tori looked back down at her hands and sighed. “I just…don’t know who to talk to about this,” she mumbled. She looked up at Cat with sad eyes. “Andre…I’m worried about him…”

Cat gasped and held slapped her chest as she tried to hold her heart. She visibly fought back oncoming giggles. “Is he sick?”

Tori shook her head and stood up. She began to pace around the room, wringing her hands and looking at her feet. “Do you have any idea of what I can do to get his attention back?” she asked pleadingly. “We haven’t even… _hugged_ in six months.” Her eyebrows rose on the emphasized word to signal that it was a code word for something else.

Cat gasped again. “That’s a long time to go without hugging!” she cried.

Tori bit her lip. “You know I don’t really mean hugging, right?” she clarified uneasily.

Cat looked confused. “So, you two still hug, right? Everyone needs to be hugged…”

“Well…not really,” Tori answered looking away, “But I mean…we haven’t been… _intimate_.”

Cat stood up and threw her arms down dramatically. “You can’t say that in front of the babies!” she hissed. “You’ll make them think bad thoughts!”

Tori rolled her eyes and walked over to the toddlers to pick Antonio up. He struggled a little, reaching out to Jensen, but she held him tightly. “I should go,” she said in annoyance. “I’m sorry I brought anything up.” So much for getting advice. Maybe she should just talk to her mom. Or, worst case scenario, her sister.

“But why don’t you try harder to make him do the stuff you used to do before the baby was born?” Cat suggested, sitting back down, her face completely serious.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, why don’t you try to distract him from his music?” the petite mom threw out. “Jade says that guys all want the same thing, so try doing whatever that _thing_ is. You could try hugging him more…but give him special hugs. Beck and Jade still go on dates, so try getting him to go on one with you. I bet your mommy would babysit for you! Jade likes to dress up for Beck sometimes in these really cute outfits—but they’re still kinda scary—and they make Beck happy.”

Tori smiled brightly. “That’s a great idea, Cat!” she exclaimed. “Thanks so much.”

“You’re welcome,” Cat smiled. “I hope everything works for you!”

Tori opened her mouth to say something else when Antonio started fidgeting in her arms. He started tugging on her hair and she let out a small pained noise before unlocking his tiny fingers from her brunette locks. “Someone’s cranky,” she cooed as she tapped Antonio’s nose. He whined softly, scrunching his face up like he was preparing to cry. “He hasn’t been sleeping well, lately,” she announced. “But the family doctor said that we should let him sleep whenever he needs to; his schedule will work itself out. He tried sleeping in the car, but the ride wasn’t very smooth. I’ll see you later, Cat.”

“Bye, bye!” Cat parted, waving off the pair.

* * *

  _Nothing's ever built to last. You're in ruins._

* * *

Tori wasn’t as quiet as she thought she was when she left her house that morning, so she inevitably woke Andre up. She could cross ‘master sleuth’ off her resume.

Like any other day, he pulled himself up off the couch and went to the cabinet beside the fridge to get some Aleve for the pounding headache he had. He needed to sleep in a bed like a normal person if wanted to avoid seeing a chiropractor, but that required talking to his girlfriend about something he wasn’t ready to discuss.

That, and the bed that used to be in the basement had been given to Trina and her boyfriend as an apartment warming present.

Today, he thought he’d make himself a decent breakfast instead of his regular bowl of Honey Cluster Crunch Bomb’s.

Eggs sounded good…

As he pulled the bottle of aspirin out of the cabinet, he brought Antonio’s jar of formula mix down with it, spilling the contents onto his black night shirt. “Crap,” he hissed, looking down at the empty jar and the mess that surrounded it on the floor. He sighed, looking at his shirt. A large amount of milky dust resonated over the Hollywood Arts logo. He tried wiping it away, but simply smeared it in.

With a groan, he went down into the basement to grab the broom and returned quickly to clean up the mess. After discarding it into the trash, he put the broom by the fridge and went to Tori’s room to grab her dirty clothes. Her mom would get mad at him if he wasted water on one shirt, and he was currently wearing his favorite night shirt. It was either that, or no shirt at all. And that would be disrespectful if he continued to sleep on the couch.

Once in Tori’s room, he looked around for his wallet. If he hurried, he could buy more formula before she got back so she wouldn’t know anything happened. If anything, he could trust her to make sure his wallet was safe, but he couldn’t trust her to come clean about her child.

How messed up was that?

Normally, he left the wallet on the nightstand, but it wasn’t there. He pulled open the drawer, but it wasn’t there either. He didn’t remember just tossing it on the floor, and he doubted Tori would let it get there since the baby could get it, so he went over to her desk in the corner where she usually did her school work. Sifting through the clutter of papers and textbooks, he still couldn’t find his wallet.

He moved to the middle drawer and pulled it open. A small red booklet jumped around, being that it was the only thing in the drawer. He knew he shouldn’t have picked it up, but he went against his better judgment. He wanted to think it was a day planner, but why would it be alone in a desk? And why would Tori even use it when she had her phone? Turning to the first page, he studied it in depth.

_9/22/2011 – I’ve never missed a period before. Maybe I’m just a little late. Last period – August 15 th._

_9/28/2011 – I bought a pregnancy test today… It was positive._

_9/30/2011 – Andre and I had sex today. Didn’t tell him about the test._

_10/8/2011 – Told Andre I was late. Took another test. Positive._

_10/12/2011 – Andre took me to the doctor. Made him wait outside. Eight weeks pregnant. Heard baby’s heartbeat!! Expected to give birth on May 21st._

_10/28/2011 – Told my friends I was pregnant. Jade attacked me and I went to the hospital. Baby’s okay._

_11/5/2011 – Told my family today. Mom cried. Dad won’t speak to me. Andre not allowed over._

_12/25/2011 – Merry Christmas! Nineteen weeks pregnant today. Dad started talking to me again. Andre still not allowed over._

_1/8/2012 – Second ultrasound today. Having a boy!!_

_2/14/2012 – Felt my first kick today! Happy Valentine’s Day to me!!_

_4/13/2012 – Last ultrasound today in 4D. Got to see his face. He’s so handsome! Can’t wait!_

_4/24/2012 – Had my son last night at thirty six weeks. Named him Antonio David Vega. Dad cried when he held him. Doesn’t look like Andre…_

And there it was.

There was the proof that he couldn’t be Antonio’s father. He wanted to scream; Lord knows he wanted to cry. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even get angry. What did that say about him? He just found out that his girlfriend that he planned on marrying had slept with someone—who presumably wanted nothing to do with the baby, if she even told him about it—and lied to him so he’d help her raise her child. He should be furious, but he just couldn’t feel anything.

Apathy at its finest.

He put the little book down on the desk, not even bothering to put it back in its rightful place, and went back to the living room in wait. As soon as he fell back onto the couch, he lowered his head and held it in his hands.

Today would be the day.

* * *

  _Nothing's ever built to last. You're in ruins._

* * *

Tori sat in her car while Antonio napped in his backseat car seat. With a small sigh, she checked her phone, silently berating herself for leaving it in the car. Part of her hoped that she’d woken Andre up and made him notice she was gone. She hoped that if she had any missed calls or texts, they would be from him and everything would be right as rain like it once was.

That part of her crashed and burned when she saw it was only a text from Danny.

**_Tried callin u. Where r u?_ **

Tori bit her lip uneasily. She and Danny hadn’t really been talking, and she’d been avoiding him all week when he’d tried to contact her. She told him last week that they needed to talk in person because it was important, but she kept backing out whenever he tried to make arrangements.

She shouldn’t have gone to see Cat.

Now that Antonio was getting older, it was obvious that he was starting to look like his parents. Anyone who looked at him could see that Andre wasn’t his father. Tori was stupid for letting Cat see him, even if she was acting stranger than normal; she’d only sped up the inevitable.

Taking in a deep breath, she dialed Danny’s number.

_“I was starting to think you were ignoring me,” he quipped as soon as he answered the phone after two rings. “Why would you tell me you want to talk to me and then not do it?”_

“I’ve just been busy lately,” Tori breathed softly. “Can…can you come over? I’m ready to talk.”

_“I can’t right now, Tor,” he told her. “I’m out of town and I won’t be home until midnight. My mom’s still pretty mad at me about Cat, so I won’t be able to see you when I get home. If I ask you to wait, do you promise we’ll talk tomorrow?”_

Tori laughed slightly to herself. “Meet me at nine,” she said.

_“Not a minute late,” he assured her. “I’ll see you then.”_

“Okay,” she breathed before ending the call. That would be good. She could sleep and then prepare everything she had to say. And hopefully, she’d be able to get Andre out of the house for a little while.

Sleep would definitely do her good.

* * *

  _Nothing's ever built to last. You're in ruins._

* * *

For the first time in two months, Andre actually smiled when he saw Tori enter the house with Antonio on her hip. She was so beautiful, standing there in the doorway with him. As he stood to greet her, he realized he would miss her.

But there was no going back now.

“I love you,” he breathed as he walked over to her. She looked at him in shock, especially as he leaned in to kiss her on the forehead.

“I…I love you, too,” she stammered out. She forced a smile; suddenly, it fell wrong to say that she loved him. _Did_ she love him? They’d been friends for years now, but did she love him more than that? As much as she hated to think about it, she wondered if she latched onto him because he was the first guy to come along when she found out she was pregnant and show her some sort of affection.

“What happened to your shirt?” Tori quickly blurted out, trying to rid herself of those terrible thoughts.

“I spilled knocked over the formula mix in the cabinet,” he answered nonchalantly as he plopped down on the couch. He put his feet up on the coffee table and grabbed the remote, quickly flipping on the TV and turning it to HBO. He had to make it seem like everything was normal. If he acted like he knew, then she would try to deny everything. He still had hope for the relationship, but it would fly out the window if she didn’t come clean today.

“Did you buy some more?” she questioned as she moved around the couch to sit down beside him, carefully shifting the toddler onto her lap. Something didn’t feel right.

He changed the channel, keeping his eyes locked on the TV. “I was going to,” he told her. “But I couldn’t find my wallet.”

She pursed her lips. Something was definitely up with him. “Did you check our room?” she interrogated. “I don’t know where else you could have put it. And why didn’t you change?”

He turned to her with an annoyed look. He didn’t want to continue this stupid small talk, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to her. A rush of cold swam over her, and it started to make her a little angry.

 _Keep calm_.

“Are you okay?” he accused. “You sound like you’re trying to find something out.”

“Well, maybe I am!” she exclaimed, her voice louder than necessary. Antonio squirmed in her tightened grasp, but she kept him pressed against her hip. “That’s the point of a question, isn’t it?” She closed her eyes and visibly relaxed. She was slightly tense about meeting with Danny, and Andre was starting to test her patience. She opened her eyes and forced another smile. “When was the last time we went on a date?” she asked.

Andre shrugged in response. “You know I’ve been busy lately.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I know,” she agreed hurriedly. “But why don’t we go on one tonight?”

His face relaxed and he shook his head. That meant being alone with her…and he wasn’t ready for that. “I got a lot to do with this deadline coming up,” he stated.

“What about tomorrow?”

“I’ll probably still be working.” Why couldn’t she just straight out tell him? She could tell him in front of the kid.

Tori’s eyebrow twitched like it usually did when she got angry, but she wasn’t sure he paid enough attention to her to know that. She clenched her teeth behind closed lips as she tried to think of something to say without exploding.

Then an idea sparked.

She placed Antonio on the floor and leaned toward Andre on the couch. “You can take off a little time for some fun, right?” she asked before kissing his neck. She nibbled slightly on his ear. “Maybe I can be your muse. We can do more collaborations.”

As she continued to kiss his neck and even rest her hand on his shoulders, he couldn’t shake his growing feeling of disgust. Was she playing dumb? Did she really think that if he went searching for his wallet, he would just give up? What if she knew he found something and was trying to distract him? He was getting tired of this game.

Gently, he placed her hands on her shoulders and pushed her away with an apologetic look. “As much as I want to,” he began, “I got other stuff to do. I have to work on another demo tape and I only have beats for two songs finished. I do want to, Tori, don’t get me wrong. But I gotta finish this.”

She shot up from the couch and turned her back to him, crossing her arms. “I’m finding that really hard to believe,” she seethed.

“What?” he questioned as he rose to his feet. “What are you talking about?”

She snapped around with fire in her eyes. “We’ve been together for two years now,” she reminded him. “I understand how we didn’t do much when the baby was first born, but then you stopped paying attention to me altogether! All I want to do is spend time with you, but you keep pushing me away.” She didn’t know she started to cry until a tear rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, refusing to let him see her do it.

“I’m sorry, Tor,” Andre apologized as he started to move toward her. Maybe it was silly, clinging to this hope. Maybe he should just go with the flow and keep pretending. “I can try to push things around and we can go out.”

“Don’t,” Tori demanded. “You shouldn’t have to make time for me!” She looked away from him. “Maybe you should spend some time at home so you can get your priorities straight.”

“What are you saying?” he cried with worry. What kind of game was she playing?!

“I’m saying get _out_!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, her hair flying around wildly as she turned to face him. She picked up a pillow off the chair beside her and threw it at him. He ducked and it made a soft thud as it hit the fridge.

“We got a kid, Tori!” he cried. “You can’t kick me out!”

The Latina laughed scornfully and walked over to the kitchen where Antonio sat in the middle of the floor playing with the pillow. She picked him up and stormed over to Andre. “Look at him,” she demanded, bouncing her son roughly on her hip. “Do you realize how stupid you are for not noticing? For waking up every day and going to bed every night with a child that _obviously_ isn’t yours?”

Andre clenched his fists. “I’m not stupid!” he yelled. “I knew all along, Tori! I knew somethin’ won’t right and I found your little book to prove it! I knew, but I didn’t say anything because I _love_ you.”

“So why don’t you act like it?” Tori challenged. “It’s hard to love someone when you don’t give them the time of day!”

“Well I’m sorry if I’m trying to work so I can make a life for the three of us!” he screamed. “I’m _sorry_ if I can’t bear to look at you ‘cause you wanna break my heart by lying to me and just _using_ me so you won’t be a single parent!” The intensity of his voice frightened the toddler and he began to cry. His mother quickly shifted him around on her body and held his head on her chest, resting her hand protectively on the back of it.

“I think you should leave,” she advised in a softer tone with a pointed glare.

“What’s going on up here?” David questioned as he emerged from the basement, wiping oil off his hands with a dirty rag. “I heard yelling.”

“It’s nothing,” his daughter lied, keeping her eyes on Andre. “Andre was just leaving.”

“Tori, we can talk about this,” he told her loudly. “We can work something out.”

David quickly crossed the room and stood between his daughter and her boyfriend. “She wants you to leave,” he stated authoritatively, staring the boy down. “I suggest you listen before I convince you otherwise.”

Andre grimaced at Officer Vega and quickly walked around the couch so he wouldn’t have to walk past Tori. He stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him, rattling the decorations on the walls.

David turned back to his daughter to ask her what happened, but she was already halfway up the stairs.

* * *

  _Nothing's ever built to last. You're in ruins._

* * *

As soon as she got in her room and slammed her door, Tori collapsed onto her bed, clinging her son tightly as she sobbed softly. She never wanted to tell Andre like that. She never wanted him to find out that way. She should have told him from the beginning, before the baby was even born, that it wasn’t his. She shouldn’t have lied to him.

Maybe things would have been different.

As she continued to cry, Antonio squirmed out of her arms and crawled beside her head, poking at it softly. “No cry,” he pleaded as he tugged gently at her hair. “Tori no cry.”

The young mother sniffled loudly and opened her eyes, smiling at her son as he eclipsed her view of her ceiling. She placed her hand on the back of his head and tilted her own up to kiss his forehead. “I’m sorry, _angelito_ ,” she apologized, her voice barely above a whisper. “Mama keeps making bad mistakes.” She moved out from under her toddler and sat up, pulling him into her lap. She pressed her chin atop his head as he hugged her and nuzzled into her chest. “I’m trying not to,” she breathed.

* * *

  _Nothing's ever built to last. You're in ruins._

* * *

Angry couldn’t even _begin_ to describe how to Andre felt. Everything he did, he did for her. Who was she to throw that all away? Who was she to _use_ him like that and not even bother telling him the truth? Who did she think she was to say he didn’t love her? Of course he loved her! How could she think otherwise?

There had to be someone else.

Why else would she suddenly accuse him of not loving her if there wasn’t another man involved? But who could it be? As much as he hated to admit it, he assumed that it was Beck, but there was more than enough evidence to disprove _that_ theory.

Who could it be if it wasn’t Beck? The thought of Tori being with someone else—the knowledge that her baby wasn’t his—already broke his heart. She didn’t know that many guys, so to think that she could have been with a stranger tore him to pieces.

There was no doubt that even though she was wrong, he was in the wrong, too.

He’d been neglecting her, consciously and unconsciously. He put his music first, used it as a distraction. He knew that she would be perfectly content living in her parents’ home, even if it were permanent; he knew he didn’t have to work so hard. He just…wanted to be worth something in her eyes. Her love wasn’t enough; he needed her respect, since she apparently didn’t respect him enough to tell him the truth. He needed to be able to make a living with the job he loved. He needed to buy her a home, create security for her and her son, to protect _his_ family.

And now that was all gone.

They were over. He didn’t have to try so hard for her anymore. He didn’t have to take care of a kid that wasn’t his. He was done.

He didn’t remember the walk home.

Before he knew it, he was in his old room back home. He slammed his door, rattling his bedroom walls. Rage consumed him, making it nearly impossible to do anything but reach out to support himself on his dresser. His chest rose and fell as his growing hatred overwhelmed him. Red clouded his vision and his hands began to shake.

He wasn’t violent, nor was he an angry person, but he screamed with such fury as he found the strength to throw whatever he could find on his dresser across the room. With all his strength, he tossed his dresser over, shaking the ground beneath him as it made a deafening crash.

He brought his foot up and kicked his bed with enough force to slide it across the room and dent the adjacent wall.

He took staggering breaths to steady himself, and his whole body trembled as he breathed. He needed to calm down; he was causing too much damage. He was enraged, alright, but he couldn’t let it control him.

Intoxicated by resentment, he stumbled through his home, down the hallway, and into the kitchen. He needed to calm down; there was no other option. His mother used to tell him how a small glass of wine would always calm his grandmother down whenever she went into one of her manic frenzies.

Maybe it would do the same for him.

His body felt weighed down, as if he moved through quicksand. His hands continued to shake as he reached for the refrigerator handle upon entering the kitchen. He was so close.

Through much strain, he pried the refrigerator door open and reached down to the bottom shelf to pull out the bottle of expensive wine his mother saved for special occasions. If there had been a cork on it, he probably would have smashed the bottle atop the counter in his angered haze. Luckily, he was able to unscrew the top like he would a soda.

Without hesitation, Andre brought the bottle to his lips and tilted it as far back as he could without spilling it. The stinging liquid flowed into his mouth as he chugged the raspberry liquor and small streams of wine trailed from the corner of his lips. As he started to swallow, he felt calmer, but he didn’t feel normal.

Taking a minor break from the wine, he could see clearer. But even that wasn’t enough.

He placed the bottle on the counter beside the fridge and reached up to the overhead cabinet where his parents kept all the medicines and vitamins. A white bottle with a thick blue label stood out. Andre recognized this as the ibuprofen PM and quickly took it. As he opened the cap, he made sure to only empty two little blue pills into his hand; he didn’t want to overdose.

Obviously, he knew that drinking alcohol while taking sleeping aids wasn’t the best idea, but that didn’t stop him as he downed each blue pill with a large swig of wine. And before he knew it, the last drop of wine evaporated on his tongue. He felt…fuzzy.

Without thinking, Andre let the bottle fall out of his hand and shatter on the tile floor. He snickered slightly as the noise scared him and stumbled back to his room. He obviously knew he was drunk, but that made him happy. There was nothing but joy radiating inside of him. He knew that he was angry about something, but he couldn’t remember what that something was.

Wait. Maybe it had to do with a girl? Yeah, that was it! He was angry about a girl. But the only girl he could think of was Tori; how could he possibly be angry at her? He loved her and she loved him.

But…why wasn’t he at her house? Why was he in his room? Why was his dresser knocked over? Why was his bed pushed against the wrong wall? And more importantly, why was he so tired?

He didn’t expect the sleeping pills to kick in so fast! At least he had his bed.

Andre collapsed face first onto his soft, terribly missed bed and bounced slightly. He snickered more as he bounced a little and fought to stifle a yawn. He was in bed and he knew he was tired; he didn’t need to yawn!

He turned slightly on his bed and felt unnecessarily restricted. He laughed a little too loudly when he realized he hadn’t even bothered to put on his night clothes. But it was too hot for real clothes! So instead, he kicked off his shoes and shimmied out of his pants, kicking them to the floor as well when they were around his ankles. His shirt came off in one fluid motion and he sprawled out on his bed in nothing but his boxers.

His eyelids started to droop, but he knew that he’d feel better whenever he woke up.


	3. Bad Reputation

* * *

_"You took a part of me you took a part of me; I knew you'd take up all of me with no apologies. You can't out run a bad reputation. If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead." – Joel Faviere_

* * *

_She was cold._

_Everything around her felt distant and vague, like she couldn't piece herself together with the world. She wanted to open her eyes, but she couldn't move her body._

_A gust of wind washed over her and caused her to tremble, finally allowing her to open her eyes. She awoke in an empty, white room, dressed in clothes as pale as her skin on an unfamiliar bed. Looking around, she saw a black door contrasting the blinding walls. She wanted to get off the bed to inspect the door, but piercing cries stopped her from doing so. She covered her ears to block out what seemed to be babies crying. She tried to pull her knees to her chest, but a grotesquely bulbous stomach halted her. Looking down in shock, her body felt heavy and it grew harder to breathe._

_Then she felt a sharp kick that cracked her ribcage._

_She screamed out in pain, fear consuming her. She pressed herself against the wall behind her, holding her stomach. Though she continued to scream, the ominous black door at the edge of the room flew open and slammed against the wall with a deafening_ crack _._

_She jumped at the sound, her mouth agape as she gasped for air. The pain was starting to blur her vision, but she vaguely made out a man in the doorway after a flash of lightning. She couldn't make out his features, but she could definitely see the off-green color of his shirt and the dark green—or was it brown?—of his pants._

_She must have met his eyes._

_The sharp kick in her womb continued, and she fought to breathe. Her arms shot out to the bed and she gripped the sheets, trying not to scream or look away from the man in the doorway._

_Something told her to never look away._

_She began to claw at her neck in the hopes that it would help her breathe, but the figure stood beside her in another flash and wrapped his hands around her throat. Suddenly close to him, she met his cold, blue-green eyes as the burned into her. He shook her roughly, slamming her head against the headboard. She tried to cry out, but she couldn't make a sound. And though she tried, it only made the grip of his large, burly hands tighten._

_The lack of air and the blows to her head began to take their toll on her and her vision darkened. Soon, it failed her and she could only see darkness._

_But as the figure raised her one last time, his face exploded into her sight and she could finally know who he was._

Jade awoke in a cold sweat and a loud shriek as she shot up in her bed.

Her heart beat quickly as her chest heaved. Her eyes frantically darted around the room, unable to register the purple walls with black molding that surrounded her. She still only saw white.

She heard her name in a muffled distance, and she screamed again, clenching her eyes shut tightly, when a hand touched her bare arm. She lashed out, ripping her arm away. Her arms flew around in a flurry as she swatted at her supposed attacker and her feet collided with skin as she kicked around with as much force as she could.

"Jade," Beck called calmly, his voice strained as he tried to fend off her blows. He tried to grab at her arms while staying calm. It would take longer to settle her if he were to yell. Her arms lashed out at him, landing blows to his face and shoulders. And in the flurry, he managed to pull her close, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Jade, it's okay," he breathed soothingly as she tried to pull away from him, still trapped in her nightmare.

After a few more seconds of struggling, she finally settled.

As she opened her eyes, the purple of her walls calmed her slightly and brought her back to reality. Panting heavily, she buried her face into her fiancé's shoulder, holding the back of his head with both hands.

That was the third time this week.

She'd had the same nightmare since the twins had been born, but it had only become more frequent in the past month. Every night, she would dream, tossing and turning wildly. And when it took her over, she would shoot up in her bed and terrorize Beck. She was glad that he was there to calm her down, but she knew that it was starting to take a toll on him as well.

Because she couldn't sleep peacefully, neither could he. He walked with a sluggish stumble, his hair styled messily and lazily. He didn't get irritable like she did when she'd missed out on sleep and her morning cup of coffee, but his near-zombiefied state worried her.

She needed to put an end to this nightmare.

But she'd be damned if she went to a stupid therapist. She was her mother's daughter down to the core, and her mother always said "What happens in this house, stays in this house," so Jade would never bring anyone else into her drama. She hated herself for getting Beck, Cat, and Robbie involved with her Liam drama, but now they were part of her house. Unless any of them decided to pursue psychology, a therapist never would be.

She had to figure this out herself.

* * *

_If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead._

* * *

Jade was  _pissed_.

Beck was leaving, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. He'd be gone for three whole days and there was nothing she could do about it. Why did his stupid Canadian aunt have to die?

Or maybe that was just an excuse.

 _Oh_ , if it was just an excuse for him to get away from her and his kids, there would be  _hell_  to pay. He should know to  _never_  lie to her. Sure, she lied to him for a long time about her brother, but that was for his safety. But him lying to get away from her? No dice. If he was going to act this way then he never should have knocked her up and proposed to her in the first place. All the bullshit she went through while she was pregnant was for  _him_ , and how he was  _leaving_? Nope. That wasn't gonna cut it.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed, snatching her arm from him and spilling a little bit of her coffee on the floor.

"Jade, why are you acting like this?" he asked calmly, hurt in his eyes. He kept his distance. "It's only for a few days."

"Acting like  _what_ , Beck?" she shouted. She stamped her foot on the ground. "I'm  _angry_. How the hell else am I supposed to act?"

Beck crossed his arms. "I can't talk to you like this," he said, turning on his heels to leave the kitchen.

"Like what?" she screeched, her voice ringing in her own ears. Upstairs, one of the toddlers began to cry. She stopped in her tracks and through her coffee on the ground, the black mug shattering on the linoleum floor. "Now look what you did! You woke the kids up and you made me break my favorite mug!"

He spun around and threw his arms down to his sides. "I didn't make you do anything," he countered, his voice straining to stay calm. But his sleep deprivation was getting to him. "Why are you acting like a brat?"

Shit.

He instantly regretted what he said.

" _Oh_ ," Jade uttered lowly, her eyes dark with sheer malice. She turned around and went back into the kitchen to grab the coffee pot, maybe to throw at him.

"Jade, you know I didn't mean it like that," he quickly tried to recount, storming after her.

"Then what  _did_ you mean?" she snapped, shooting back around to face him. He shrank back at the intensity of her voice and the menacing stare in her eyes. Obviously, he'd seen her angry before, but this was a new side of her that he'd never seen. And it scared him. "You can just go ahead and leave if I'm being too much of a  _brat_  for you!"

He sighed and rubbed his temples, trying to calm himself before he said anything else he would regret. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "We're both just tired and saying things we don't mean."

She laughed scornfully, tossing her head back as the extremity of her emotions took over. "Oh, I mean it," she assured him, sending him a pointed glare. "If you don't want to be here—" She picked up the coffee pot and threw it at him. "—Then leave!" Luckily, her perception was skewed by her reddening vision and she hit the wall beside him, shattering the glass pot and spewing coffee everywhere.

Jade charged toward him and he ducked out of the way, falling into the hall as she darted up the stairs. She ripped their bedroom door open and clomped to her closet, the sound of three crying children ringing through her walls. She pulled out the largest suitcase that had been stuffed into the back and threw it out into the middle of the room.

Sloppily, she ripped his shirts and pants from their hangers and threw them on the floor beside the suitcase. She snatched the only two pairs of boots he owned from the closet floor and plodded back to the suitcase. Throwing the shoes down with a loud commotion, she almost tore the zipper from the suitcase as she tried to get it open.

"Just stay there, Cat," Beck urged quietly from outside of the room.

Jade's head snapped up at the sound of his voice and she jumped to her feet. She ran to the doorway, her feet slamming down on the carpeting, and she dug her black claws into the wood of the threshold. "Mind your own damn business!" she shrieked once she locked eyes with the redhead. The tiny girl squeaked in fear and ran back into her room, slamming the door loudly.

"What's your problem?" her fiancé questioned, his mouth curved down into an annoyed scowl.

In disbelief that he would have the gall to talk to her, Jade picked up the nearest thing—a disheveled book—from the dresser and threw it at him, knocking him in the gut and causing him to let out a loud grunt. " _You're_  my problem!" she screeched.

She dashed back into the room and proceeded to shove everything of his into the suitcase while he looked on helplessly. When she zipped the suitcase back up, making a loud racket in the process, she chucked it out of the room, sending it hurdling down the steps. " _Get out_!" she yelled, her voice unlike anything he'd ever heard. "Get out of this goddamn house, Beck Oliver! Don't come back until you decide you actually want to be with me forever like this stupid ring on my finger says  _or_  until I decide otherwise!"

With that, she slammed the bedroom door, shaking the walls roughly.

With a defeated sigh, Beck went up to the door and placed his hand on the wood. "Please, Jade," he begged, "Can't we talk about this?" She rammed her elbow roughly against the wood in response and he sighed again. Hanging his head in shame, he turned around and descended the stairs. When he picked up the suitcase, one of the wheels fell off.

Great.

He picked up the broken wheel and shoved it into the pocket of his sweatpants. After school, he'd head back to his parents' house and fix it up. He wheeled the wobbling suitcase outside after a long, defeated look at his bedroom door and made way to his truck.

He hadn't even had time for a shower.

* * *

_If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead._

* * *

After getting dressed and avoiding Cat, Jade went to the nursery where the children continued to cry. She was tired of hearing their screeches day in and day out, and she couldn't even escape them in her sleep anymore. Why did they have to be so damn  _noisy_?

 _"Be quiet!"_  she seethed from the nursery's threshold.

Darla immediately stopped and looked to her mother with scared, tear-filled eyes. Jensen, however, continued to bawl. Cassie stopped crying as well and hid beneath her fuzzy green blanket, whimpering softly.

Seeing her daughter's face and hearing her son continue to cry, Jade's anger vanished. She felt a little bad for Cassie, but not enough to bring upon the sense of worthlessness and self-loathing the consumed her. The twins were hardly two and she was already screwing up; she was letting her personal problems affect how she handled them.

What was she doing?

She stood there for a moment, her fingertips brushing her lips. Darla continued to stare at her in fear while Jensen continued to cry. When the little girl looked as if she were about to cry again, Jade hurriedly ran into the room and picked her up. She scooped her arm into her son's crib and picked him up as well, holding her twins close and pressing her forehead to both of theirs. And finally, the feeling of his mother so close calmed Jensen. Darla grabbed a handful of her mother's hair sheepishly, trying to decide if this was a good idea.

Jade took ragged breaths, trying to stay calm.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

* * *

_If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead._

* * *

Aside from Jade yelling at Cat to get ready for school, the girls didn't talk to each other. She didn't ask for Cat's help when she situated her children into the car, and she didn't bother saying goodbye to Cat after the long, deathly-silent ride to UCLA.

She could have apologized for scaring the redhead, but Jade West apologized to no one.

After dropping the toddlers off at the daycare, Jade left for her Chemistry class without another word to anyone else.

In the class, they were supposed to start going over chapter one of the textbook that she hadn't bothered to pick up, but people kept asking questions about the syllabus that had been discussed in depth last class. Eventually the professor went off on a tangent about how the youth of today think they can shortcut their education and blah, blah, blah. She wanted to scream at him for taking up time with something so stupid, but Chemistry was the only science she was good at and all the other classes were full.

She couldn't risk getting kicked out of class.

Like Monday, the walk from the Science Building to the Education Building where she had her Roman Archaeology class only took two minutes, giving her a solid eight to claim her seat and reflect on her poor decisions as a fiancée and a mother.

The classroom was in an auditorium setting, containing padded folding chairs with slide-up desks, each row of chairs higher than the last. From the looks of it, there were twenty-six rows of chairs, putting her pretty high up in the room. And if she wanted to bring her computer to class, there were outlets on the outside of every armrest on the chairs where she could plug in her charger.

Upon entering, she saw a boy sitting at the far left of the room, claiming his seat as far away from the teacher and the front of the classroom as possible. She didn't remember seeing him last Monday, not that she paid attention to any of the other students last class.

Because of the setting of the room, Jade entered through the back of the class, and the boy looked up at her when she opened the door. His hair was dirty blonde and cropped short, just long enough to graze his fingers if he ran his hand through it. Everything he wore was name branded, some brands she'd never heard of. For a guy, he had impeccable taste in clothing, and he struck her as someone who would look amazing in a fitted suit and tie, not that she ever wanted to see him in one. His azure eyes crinkled with flirtation as he smirked at her, exposing the smallest glimpse of perfectly white teeth.

She rolled her eyes with a scowl and made her way to the other end of the back of the classroom, taking the seat as far from him as possible. She didn't need stupid boys bothering her when she already had one of those.

Her phone buzzed in the pocket of her jeans and she pulled it out, her hard eyes softening when she saw that she had a text from her fiancé.

**_I know you're mad at me and I'm so sorry._ **

**_Hopefully I'll see you in a few days. I love you._ **

She smirked. If he kept that up, he just might get an apology out of her.

She was about to text a reply when she heard the chair beside her creak. She caught the eyes of the well-dressed boy as he sat down beside her and she scowled.

"So who are you texting?" he asked coolly as he propped his feet up on the chair below him. His voice was rich like dark chocolate, yet deep and refined. Even with that small, nosey question, the words seemed to slide down his tongue and swirl around Jade's head, filling her with intrigue. And now that he was closer, she could faintly see the outlines of his well-muscled arms beneath his long-sleeved shirt.

"That's none of your business," she spat, keeping her eyes on the screen. "Get away from me while you still have both legs."

The boy chuckled and slid down in his seat, leaning his head on the back of his chair. "You and I both know you're not going to touch me," he announced. He gave a small wink with a sly smile that she couldn't help but see out of the corner of her eye. "But you can if you'd like."

She scoffed and held up her left ring finger which he should have been able to see anyway. "I'm engaged," she announced matter-of-factly.

The boy smirked. "And I'm Fletcher Sage Wells III," he announced proudly, "But you can just call me 'Fletch.'"

Jade rolled her eyes. "I didn't ask for your stupid name," she pointed out maliciously, her head finally snapping to him. "Now leave me alone."

"That's no way to make friends," he told her lazily as he stared up at the ceiling. He kept his smirk and gave her a sidelong glance. "It's also rude not to introduce yourself."

"I don't want any new friends," she hissed adamantly. "I want you to go  _away_."

Fletch huffed with a playful smile. "I tell you what," he began, sitting upright in his seat, "If you tell me your name, first and last, I'll leave you alone. And I can tell if you're lying."

She scoffed. "Sure you can," she mumbled, going back to her phone. While typing a response to Beck, she decided out of some stupidity to humor Fletch. "My name is Jade West," she told him as she typed away. She looked up at him with her most intimidating look. "This is your last warning."

Fletch held up his hands in defense with a goofy smile. "I keep my word," he assured her. "But that's a beautiful name for a jewel such as yourself."

Jade sneered as he walked away and other students began to file into the classroom. Everything about this…handsome boy spelled trouble, and she had a feeling this wouldn't be her last encounter with Fletcher Sage Wells III.

* * *

_If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead._

* * *

When Jade returned to the daycare, she noticed at least ten more children in the room playing and crawling around. That was twice the number that had been here Monday. Darla sat in the middle of the room finger painting with a little natural redhead. Cassie sat over on Ms. Haggerty's lap again, playing with a costume jewelry necklace. And though she would never admit it, it hurt her heart slightly to see Jensen playing in the corner by himself.

"Hello, Jade," Ms. Haggerty greeted as she stood up with Cassie on hip. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

The younger girl nodded and walked over to Ms. Haggerty, keeping her saddened eyes on Jensen.

"Have you noticed anything odd with your son's behavior?" the daycare runner asked once the young mother stood by her desk. "Does he listen when you speak to him?"

"He doesn't do anything wrong," Jade growled, crossing her arms defensively. "Yeah he wears dresses, but he'll grow out of it. Even if he doesn't, that's his business if he thinks it's normal."

Ms. Haggerty chuckled, unfazed by this harsh girl. "I didn't mean it that way," she assured her in a calm demeanor. "I meant does he hear you when you talk to him?"

Jade eyed the elder woman cautiously. She had noticed that Jensen didn't respond much if she tried talking to him, and Cat even mentioned that it seemed like he wasn't paying attention when she read to him and Darla. But that couldn't be a hearing problem, could it?

She assumed that some babies were just more inattentive than others, which was true, but she also assumed that he could have ADD, ADHD, or something stupid like that since a lot of children were diagnosed with it. She would be able to go about dealing with it if Jensen had hyperactivity or something like that because she remembered that Liam had ADHD when he was younger and their mother knew exactly what to do.

But a hearing problem? She wouldn't know where to begin. Then again, the little boy wasn't even two and a half yet, so it couldn't be anything serious.

Could it?

"After observing him and trying to talk to him," Ms. Haggerty continued, bringing Jade from her thoughts, "Jensen seemed to be more distant than the other children. It wasn't that he showed a lack of interest; I just found myself having to raise my voice a few times in order for him to even look at me. If you've experienced anything like that, I think you should take him to the doctor to get his ears looked at. I really don't think it's anything serious, but it's better to be safe than sorry."

Jade sighed and looked back at her son on the floor.

She hoped the old bag was right.

* * *

_If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead._

* * *

There was no way she would be able to take Jensen to the hospital for a check-up. Well, not today anyway. She needed to get this weight off her chest, and she figured that she could do such by talking to the person she hated most in the world: her brother.

Granted, her sleep deprivation was bringing about lapses in judgment.

But it didn't matter. She wanted to stop feeling so scared of Liam, terrified to the point where she couldn't sleep for the fear that he would be right around the corner. He hated her, and she needed to know why. She would beg for forgiveness if she had to; she would do whatever she could to finally have some peace of mind.

* * *

_If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead._

* * *

Cat decided to go home with Natalie again.

Whatever.

She could spend as much time with that whore as much as she wanted. She could cheat on Robbie if she wanted. She could throw away a relationship with a really sweet guy for a dirty little grunge if she wanted.

It wasn't Jade's problem.

Without Cat in the car on the way home, the ride was as silent as it was on the way to school. Cassie was with her mother and the twins were asleep in the backseat.

When she pulled up to her house, she ripped her cell phone from her pocket and nearly broke the screen to search through her contacts to find Tori's number. As much as she didn't want to leave her kids with Vega—and as greatly as she disliked the Latina—Jade needed a sitter and she didn't have any money to spend. The only money she had was Beck's, and he would notice if she spent some of it without even telling him. Sure, she could come up with a lie and save an encounter with one of the most annoying girls in the world, but why put so much strain on herself?

She still didn't trust strangers around her kids anyway.

_"Hello?" Tori answered in a whisper._

"What are you doing right now, Vega?" Jade questioned, trying to keep her voice as level as possible. She already felt a migraine coming on.

_"I just put Antonio down for a nap," the Latina responded in her hushed whisper._

"Well wake him up and bring him over," the Gothic girl demanded, "I need to go somewhere and I need a sitter."

_"What? Why can't Beck watch them? Or his family? Or Cat or Robbie?"_

"Just get over here!" Jade snapped. "Do you really think I'd call you if I had an alternative?" Darla began to whimper in the backseat, preparing to cry, and Jade clenched her eyes shut in anger. "Great, now you made my kid cry! Just hurry up and get over here."

_Tori sighed on the other line, followed by a brief silence that made Jade drum her fingers on the steering wheel lightly. "I'll be there in ten minutes," she finally said in defeat._

Jade hung up without another word and stuffed her phone back into the pocket of her jeans. She climbed out of her car after turning it off and quickly offloaded the twins. As she made her way into the house with both carriers weighing her down, she couldn't stop thinking about Liam.

What would he say to her? Would he rat her out as soon as he saw her? Technically, her restraining order was still in effect, and she would void it if she went to see him. Would he attack her?  _Could_  he attack her? The last time she saw him—aside from her nightmares—she was still pregnant and she shot him. She wasn't too thrilled about him surviving, but what condition was he in? She wasn't even sure if Beck ever told her where she shot him.

She left the twins downstairs to play while she went up to the unused bedroom (which sometimes served as the guest room when Beck's parents came for a visit). She didn't bother with turning the light on and went straight for the closet.

Once, while Beck was away and Cat and Robbie were watching the babies when they were about half a year old, Jade took it upon herself to inspect the house. Aside from demons, her old house had a lot of hidden surprises. While she perused the guest bedroom, she found a hollow wall in the side of the closet and decided it could come in handy.

Now, she pulled out a black book bag barely big enough to hold an small PearPad that held the blonde wig she wore in Beck's silly spy movie, one-hundred and fifty dollars in various bills, and a fake ID that she used in emergencies. She took the money and the ID out of the bag and stuffed them into her pocket, glad she wore a long blouse instead of the corset she almost put on.

She slung the bag over her shoulder after closing it and pounded down the stairs. When she saw her children playing happily with each other, Darla giggling as she played with her brother's hair, Jade's hand reflexively moved to her stomach. She could feel the ghost of their tiny feet fluttering about and she cringed. She'd almost died trying to bring them into the world—from her brother almost beating her to death to her body being nearly unable to carry both of them—but she wouldn't trade them for the world.

When she was younger, her mother used to tell her that she was an active baby too, that—at times—she hurt her mother with how much she moved, and she would never forget being pregnant with her only daughter.

Jade would never forget being pregnant with her twins, either.

Though they had caused her so much pain, she never wanted to hurt them. If she wasn't going to talk to Liam for herself, to get whatever both of them had to say out of the way, she was going to talk to him for her children.

She needed to be a good mother for them.

When she heard the doorbell ring, she scowled. She still had reservations about Tori coming over, but what else was she to do? She'd rather die that let Tori touch her babies, but it was a hell of a lot better than a virtual stranger.

Cat was the lenient one when it came to her daughter, and Cassie loved to be picked up; it made her feel like the center of attention. Out of everyone Cassie had ever met—which consisted of a whole eight people—she loved her Auntie Jade and would usually whine if Jade didn't pick her up whenever she was near. Sometimes, her broody aunt would cave and pick up the little girl, but let her sit there and whine other times so she would learn to break her habit.

Only Cat was allowed to pick up Darla and Jensen whenever she wanted, and Beck was only allowed to pick them up when Jade was around. Though she loved Beck and knew deep in her heart that he would never do anything to hurt them, her brother left her with dark reservations toward her fiancé. She could honestly say that she would let him be alone with them one day, but that day wasn't going to be any day soon.

And he should be happy with just holding them right now.

She walked to the front door and ripped it open, glaring at Tori who stood nervously with her son on her hip. "It's about time you got here, Vega," she spat.

Tori frowned and stepped past her into the house. "I said I would be here in ten minutes," she mumbled as she walked over to the other two toddlers. As soon as she set Antonio down, Jensen diverged from his sister and gave his full attention to the new baby.

"I'll be back later," Jade announced as she left the house, slamming the door.

* * *

_If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead._

* * *

The drive to the prison was quick and painless.

Well, the drive to the gas station beside the prison was quick and painless. She couldn't really go in there looking like she did; there weren't many blondes in LA with a style like hers, and she didn't need the extra scrutiny if she wanted to get away with violating her restraining order.

She kept a bag of her girliest clothes in her trunk. Some of them were things her mother had given her before she passed, and some where items that she would never admit that she actually  _liked_.

Pulling the bag from her trunk, she sifted through the clothes and found a white peasant top and her favorite pair of light blue jeggings that no one would ever live to know about. She kept her high heels in the bottom of the bag and fished around for a pair of white stilettos.

At one point in her life, she thought about running away. She just never cleared her trunk out after that point passed.

After a few choice words with the gas station's manager who wanted her to buy something before she could change, Jade clicked along the pavement in her fresh clothes and got back into her car. She started it back up and drove it to the prison, parking her car as far from the towering stone building as possible. She adjusted her rearview mirror to make sure her wig was in place before reaching into her discarded black jeans for the money and ID.

Upon entering the prison, she was forced to go through a metal detector after relinquishing every piece of jewelry on her neck, wrists, hands, etc. She was allowed to keep her eyebrow ring in, and she would get her phone back at the end of the visit.

When she went to the visitor's desk, an officer asked for her name, ID, and who she was here to see. In the sweetest voice she could muster, the one she used to mock Tori with back in high school, she told him that she was here to see Liam West. After shuffling through papers, he told her that her name wasn't on his visitor's list. After handing him the money and her fake ID, she asked if he could check again. Accepting the money with sidelong glances to make sure no one else saw, the officer muttered an apology.

"Jamie Walter," he called out, reading the name on her ID, "Must be tired." He handed her ID back with a warm smile as if she hadn't just committed a crime. "The inmate will be out in a minute." He used his pen to point to a set of double doors at the end of the hall. "Go through those doors and pick an empty table."

She nodded and followed the direction of his pen, letting out a slow sigh of relief.

She was early for visiting hours, so there weren't very many people in the room. There was only an elderly couple sitting at a table at the edge of the room, talking to their son with a large face tattoo. The woman reached out to him and held his hand, stroking her thumb against the back of it. The man sat as tall as his short stature would allow with a hard face. He didn't look pleased as his wife comforted their child.

Jade resisted the urge to puke and sat herself in the middle of the room.

Here it was: the moment she'd been waiting for.

With the moment so close, she grew more and more anxious. What exactly would she say to him? How would she go about talking to him? All the plans and precautions she'd ever thought up had disappeared, and she only had her terrified stature left.

Whatever was about to happen, it would probably be for the best.

She stared at her hands on the table as she waited for her brother. She could hear the overhead clock ticking loudly in front of her.

_What's taking so long?_

When the door leading to the cells clicked, her head snapped up. A guard held the door open as shiny, silver wheels rolled into view. Effortlessly, the wheels turned and rolled closer into the room. She kept her eyes low, refusing to look him in the eyes as the guard instructed him to her table.

The door closed just as he wheeled up to her table.

"You know," he began lowly, "A restraining order works both ways; I can't come near you and you can't come near me."

"I know that," she mumbled, glowering at her hands. "I just…need to ask you something."

He pursed his lips. "I only have two words for you."

Jade looked up with determined eyes. "Please," she begged. "I just wanna know why. Why did you hate me so much? Why did you do the things you did to me? What did I ever do to you?"

He chuckled in disbelief. "You're so goddamn selfish and you don't even know it," he spat with a sneer. "'What did I ever do to you?' You're so fucking stupid!"

She flinched at his mocking tone.

"Inmate!" one of the guards barked. "Settle down."

He ignored the guard. "You think what I did to you was bad?" he hissed, leaning closer. "You don't know a  _goddamn_  thing about anything."

"What are you talking about?" his sister asked, glaring at him.

He laughed scornfully and sat back in his wheelchair. "Before you were born," he started in a calm voice. "My daddy used to touch me, just like I did to you. I wasn't the best kid at the time, so he thought it was a good idea to teach me a lesson, just like I did you. He and Mama weren't too happy with each other, so maybe that's why the idea popped into his head. But he was secretive about it; he'd sneak into my room late at night after Mama was asleep.

"The first time he did it, I cried. I remember wondering 'why in the hell would my own father hurt me like that?' He told me 'This might hurt, son, but take it like a man.' So I had to grin and bear it. But it still hurt.

"I thought: 'if I'm not bad, he won't punish me,' so I forced myself to be good in school and at home. But no matter how good I was, he still kept coming into my room every night. I love my dad, no matter how bad he was to me, but I hated him for what he did to me. He made me hate myself. I didn't know why my father hated me as much as he did, but I knew there was nothing I could do to change that. I was scared of him, just like I made you scared of me. The difference between you and me, though, is that I knew I didn't deserve what he did."

She scowled, but let her brother continue.

"When Mama told us she was pregnant, I knew something wasn't right; Dad knew it too. For the first month after she told us, he would hurt me more than he used to, to the point where I thought I was going to die. And every night when I cried myself to sleep, I would think to myself about that little baby growing in my mama's stomach and how it didn't belong to my dad."

Jade crossed her arms. "And how could you  _possibly_  know that?" she sneered. "You were only five when I was born."

"That don't mean shit," he hissed, eyes narrowed. "I knew that Mama wasn't happy, and she didn't love Dad like she used to. When she told me that she was pregnant, it shocked me that she loved him enough to have another kid with him. But he kept hurting me more, and that made me wonder. And when I saw that guy she was seeing at the time— _your_  dad—I just knew that you weren't really my sister.

"Dad knew for sure that you weren't his and it just made him angrier and angrier at me. Whenever Mama wasn't home, he would touch me and hit me. Sometimes he even cut me. I still have burn scars on the back of my legs from where he used use them as ashtrays for his cigars. I'd show you, but I'm a little incapacitated at the moment."

She sneered at his snide comment and resisted the urge to flip him off as he smirked deviously.

"When you were three," Liam continued, "I caught him sneaking into your room while you were sleeping. He tried doing the same with you, but I stopped him; I remember hitting him and screaming as loud as I could to make him leave you alone. I woke you up, but I doubt you remember. If Mama would've been home, she probably would have killed him right then and there. I did everything I could to protect you, Jade, and you never knew a thing about it.

"And when I was ten, Mama found out about what Dad was doing and I finally had someone looking out for me the way I looked out for you. She found out about how he touched me after she noticed all the bruises I had; she threatened to take you and me away from him and put him in jail. She didn't believe in divorce, but she did believe in separation. Looking back, I saw that she felt trapped in her marriage; I was her ticket away from him.

"Because of her, I didn't have to worry about getting hurt anymore; that made me love her more than you'll ever know. I did so much to prove I was worth her love and that I was worth her saving me, but she still bent over backwards for you. You took her for granted and she died because of you."

He leaned in and made sure he held her gaze intently. "You killed the only person who truly loved me," he accused lowly.

"I did not!" she screamed as she shot up from her seat, her synthetic blonde tresses whirling around her.

"Miss," the guard shouted in annoyance. "Calm down before I have you escorted out!"

"I am calm!" she snapped as she sat back down. She narrowed her eyes at her half-brother. "Her death was an accident," she snarled. "It was raining and she slid off the road. I told her that she didn't have to come get me—that I would go home with Beck—but she insisted." She pointed a finger at him. "You have no right to blame what happened to her on me."

Liam sighed as he placed his arms on the rests of his chair. "I'm not saying I blame you anymore," he told her honestly. "Being here for a few years gives you time to think about important stuff. They made me go to these classes where we talk about why we're here and what caused us to do those things. I realized in those classes that I was wrong for blaming you; I was just so angry and hurt that Mama died. It made me wish that I had done things differently, that I hadn't used the military as an excuse to get away from Dad."

"But do you still hate me?" Jade asked meekly. She wasn't sure what answer she was looking for or why she even asked. Somehow, him telling her that he didn't blame her wasn't enough. Maybe this would be her closure.

He took a moment to mull over his thoughts before answering. "I…guess I don't," he finally spoke. "I thought I did, but now I realize that I only hated myself. And doing that, I became just like my father." He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did to you," he apologized when he opened his eyes.

She bit her lip and fought back tears.

There it was: the words she came to hear. It felt as if a giant weight had been lifted off her shoulders, as if she could finally breathe again. The world didn't feel so heavy anymore, like whatever had been holding her down had been cut away until there was nothing left.

She felt free.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me for what I've done," he added morosely. "I wouldn't blame you if you never did."

She reached over the small table and placed her hand on his. "You don't know how much this means to me," she told him quietly with a small smile. "One day…I know I'll be able to forgive you. But considering all the shit we've been through, this is a big step for us."

He smiled and placed his hand on top of his sister's. "Can you promise me you'll send me pictures of our kids?" he asked hopefully.

Her smile dropped and she pulled her hand back. "You know I can't do that," she reminded him, keeping her eyes on the table.

If she truly wanted to, she could send him pictures of Darla and Jensen by using a fake name and address, but she would never be able to explain that to Beck. And what would happen if Liam saw the picture of Darla? It was almost painfully obvious how little she looked like him. She could probably lie and say that one of the babies died and only send him pictures of Jensen, but that felt wrong.

On the other hand, how could she tell him that they're not his? There was no doubt he would get angry about the fact that they weren't his kids; he'd probably try to kill her again. All the progress they'd made in this short session would be pointless. Nothing would ever change.

"I…can't let you see them," she said, keeping her eyes locked on the plastic, brown table. "They can't know anything about you." She looked into his blue-green eyes. "You're gonna want to write to them and have them see your picture. If you get parole, you're going to try and see them in person. I can't explain any of that to them, Liam." She stood up and collected her things. "I have to get home…"

"Wait," he pleaded as she turned to leave. Reluctantly, Jade turned back around. "I know I'm up for parole soon and I know you put out a restraining order, but you can still be there. Tell me you'll be there…"

She'd received a letter about his parole last week, and she'd hidden the one that had been sent to Cat.

She bit her lip in deliberation. If she didn't come, she would have to write a written statement whether she agreed with his parole or not. Her fiancé would be highly against her going to see him, but screw him. Maybe, if she went, Liam would see this as her starting to forgive him. And as much as she hated him for all that he'd done to her, she could tell that he had changed for the better.

"I'll be there," she announced after her brief hesitation.

Then, she turned on her heels and exited the prison after collecting her phone.

* * *

_If I were you, I'd quit while I'm ahead._

* * *

When Jade got home after changing back into the clothes she left in, she was somewhat shocked to see Cat giggling on the sofa with Tori while the babies all played in the play pen.

"Hi, Jade!" Cat greeted excitedly. Still smiling, she tilted her head in confusion. "Why are you wearing that wig?"

Her eyes widened and she mentally swore as she ripped the wig from her head, pulling out a few hairs as her black locks spilled over her shoulders. "I was auditioning for the drama club at school," she lied. She went over to the toddlers and sat down beside her daughter, much to Cassie's dismay.

"Jade?" the redhead called before her friend could speak. "Why didn't you tell me I got a letter from the state court?"

Jade's body tensed at the question. She stood up and narrowed her eyes at Tori. "Did you go snooping through my room?" she accused loudly.

The Latina shrank back into the couch. "I was just trying to find some aspirin and Cat said you kept it in your room," she explained meekly.

The taller mother balled up her fists. "Don't you ever go into my room," she growled. "I asked you to come here and watch my kids, not snoop through my stuff!"

"Jade, calm down," Cat pleaded as she stood.

"Don't tell me what to do!" her scary friend snapped, averting her eyes to the tiny redhead. "What are you even doing home anyway? What happened to  _Natalie_?" She sneered at the girl's name as she crossed her arms.

"S-she had to go out of town s-suddenly," the tiny girl stammered, shaking slightly in her spot as she held herself. "I asked her t-to d-drop me off back here."

"I don't see why you bothered," Jade spat. "Obviously you don't want to be here either. You should have just asked her to take you back to your mom's!"

"Jade," Tori finally spoke up. "Are you okay?"

"Bite me, Vega," she screamed. She pointed a menacing finger at Antonio who started to cry along with Cassie and Darla. "Take your kid and get the hell out of my house!"

Tori jumped from her loud voice with a small squeak and ran over to get her son. She picked him up and held him against her chest, bouncing him slightly while she held the back of his head. "I don't know what your problem is," she began, narrowing her eyes, "But you have no right to talk to anyone like that."

Jade scoffed. "I can do whatever the hell I want," she defended with a sharp tongue. "If you don't like it, then  _leave_!"

"I can scream too!" Tori shouted back, gritting her teeth at her occasional frenemy. Antonio struggled in her grasp out of fear, but she held him tight. "It's a wonder anyone still puts up with you and your horrible attitude! You—"

Her blossoming tirade was quickly halted by Jade's quick slap to the face.

Cat gasped at the impact and covered her mouth with both hands. And Tori could have sworn she felt bones in her neck pop as her vision swirled from a dark eyed Jade to the wall above the playpen.

Her eyes glazed over, not really focusing on anything in particular. She wasn't one to get angry, but she was feeling it now. She also wasn't one for conflict, so she wanted to go ahead and remove herself from the situation.

Holding Antonio tightly to the point of almost smothering him into her chest as her lips knitted into a tight frown, Tori turned around and headed for the door. Jade stared after her in angered anticipation, Cat in shock, but she didn't say a thing.

She closed the door gently when she left.


	4. Chicago is So Two Years Ago

* * *

_"My heart is on my sleeve. Wear it like a bruise or black eye. My badge, my witness, that means that I believed every single lie you said." – Fall Out Boy_

* * *

 

**_Monday night._ **

_"I'm gonna let you try again," Natalie announced, "But we do 'puff-puff-pass.' You get a hit and you give it to Joey. Got it?"_

_Cat gave a sharp nod as the girl beside her took a short drag. "Kay, kay," she breathed. By the time Natalie handed it back to her, she was already starting to feel lightheaded. She was about to take another drag when Joey let out a loud gasp and shocked her. He laughed at her reaction and had to take a step back to keep from falling._

_And though she couldn't help it, Cat snickered._

_She was starting to feel a little tingly. She could feel her blood bubbling beneath her skin, and it seemed to concentrate on the sides of the bridge of her nose and beneath her bottom eyelids. She tried blinking, but she could only move one eyelid at a time. Joey snickered at her and Natalie gasped for air, falling back on the bed as she laughed uncontrollably._

_Trying to suppress her giggles, Cat took another small drag from the joint and handed it back to Joey who gladly took it from her. She tried her hardest to keep the smoke in her mouth, but slender fingers danced along her hips and she couldn't help but let all the smoke out through her nose and her mouth as she laughed._

_She fell back into Natalie's arms and both girls giggled wildly. Everything started to blur around Cat as she looked around the room, and she wasn't entirely sure she could feel Natalie's arms around her waist anymore._

_Nothing could register._

_Her eyelids felt heavy and she was sure that she kept falling asleep. She would wake up when she felt something touch her neck, and her eyes would shoot open. She could see the top of Natalie's head as the girl kissed her neck, but she felt the kisses in a different places, like she was a lagging computer. When Natalie kissed her lips, she wasn't sure she felt it._

_Everything moved too fast for her to stop._

_By the time Natalie's hands were reaching into her underwear, Cat finally recognized what was happening. Well, somewhat. What was Natalie doing? Why was she doing it? Girls didn't touch girls that way, did they? She was touching her the way Danny used to touch her (in one of the rare occasions where he played with her before they had sex)._

_Maybe it was the weed making her forget how to breathe._

_She wanted to tell Natalie to stop because she wasn't supposed to be doing this, but she couldn't steady her breathing. She could only stare at the ceiling as her chest rose and fell._

_And just as she was starting to feel a little pleasure in the aftermath of her new friend's hand, the blaring music downstairs cut off, leaving a heavy ringing in her ears. Shouts and screams billowed up the stairs only partially audible._

_"Raid!"_

_"Shit," Joey cursed under his breath. He tore his eyes from the beautiful and increasingly de-robing girls in front of him and ran to the door. He pulled it open to find people scrambling about in the hallway, mumbling about the police. He slammed the door and turned back to Natalie who now sat up. "We gotta go!"_

_With a quick nod, she grabbed Cat's hand and pulled the tiny girl off the bed. "We'll go out the window," she announced, walking with her around the edge of the bed._

_"The window?" Cat repeated a little too loudly with a wide grin as she stumbled across the room. "Are we gonna fly?"_

_"Yeah, yeah," Natalie nodded off as she pushed the window open. "Just don't get hurt on the way down." She stuck her head out into the dark night, checking for any police. Car lights flashed wildly as people flooded out of the house. Some were half dressed, and some still held crushed Solo cups. But other than that, there were no officers outside._

_Then, she jumped out, falling the two stories and landing on her ass with a loud thud. She groaned out in pain, but quickly stumbled to her feet. She looked up to Cat who had her head out the window with terrified eyes. "Come on!" she urged, waving her hands. "Jump and I'll catch you."_

_The little redhead didn't have time to react, however, as Joey's burly hand pushed her out. She flew headfirst outside and crashed into the raven-haired girl below. The both hit the grass, and she caught Natalie's eye. The girl smiled, letting her know that she was okay, and that was the reassurance she needed to keep going._

_Joey jumped, landing effortless on his feet beside the girls as they stumbled to their feet._

_"I parked around back," Natalie told him, holding Cat's hand tightly and running toward the back of the house. She quickly unlocked her Escalade and the three college students quickly jumped inside._

_She laughed in triumph as she drove away from the busted party._

* * *

_And I know I should be home._

* * *

_"I want to do it again," Cat said suddenly as she looked up from the bowl of popcorn in her hands. She sat between Natalie and Joey back in Natalie's apartment. They were watching some action movie that Joey found online._

_"Do what?" the dark haired girl questioned with a raised brow as she took some of Cat's popcorn._

_"Smoke," the petite girl answered simply, as if it were obvious. She smiled broadly. "I want to feel tingly again!"_

_"I think Nat knows another way to make you feel tingly," Joey mumbled with a small snicker._

_Natalie reached over Cat's head and plucked him on the ear. "Light up another joint."_

_The blond boy shrugged and pulled out a silver cigarette case from his pocket. Cat watched curiously as he opened it to reveal five joints inside. He popped one out and closed the case, shoving it back in his pocket. He held the joint in the corner of his mouth as he fished around in his other pocket for his lighter. "It's gonna cost you," he told her, speaking through only half of his mouth._

_"You know I'm good for it," she returned, taking the weed from him once it had been lit. She smirked at Cat. "Wanna try something?"_

_"Whatie?" she questioned, her eyes wide with wonder._

_"The best high is a second hand high," her taller friend said. "Open your mouth and when I blow, you breathe in."_

_Cat opened her mouth as wide as she could and Natalie suppressed a laugh. She breathed in and held it for a short moment before making a small 'o' with her lips and blowing a single, steady stream into the tiny girl's mouth. As instructed, Cat inhaled loudly and fell back into Joey who took this as his opportunity to wrap his arms beneath her chest._

_He rested his chin on her shoulder, his lips close to her ear. "Don't breathe out," he ordered in a quiet whisper before she could protest. He ran his hands down the sides of her little red dress slowly, hooking his fingers around the hem. "Don't breathe," he repeated quietly. He pulled her dress up just enough to expose her favorite pair of frilly white underwear._

_Realizing this as her cue, Natalie reached forward and gently touched the quivering girl, lightly rubbing her fingers along the fabric of her panties. Cat clenched her eyes shut, trying to keep all the smoke in. She was starting to get dizzy and she could have sworn that her skin was starting to bubble._

_As Natalie continued to touch her, she started to feel the need she felt when she occasionally wanted to have sex with Robbie. She took in small gusts of air through her nose, her lungs beginning to hurt._

_She opened her eyes when Natalie slid her hand inside of her panties and started to rub her clit. She let out all of the air she held in a manic coughing fit. Natalie and Josh just laughed at her, his voice ricocheting through her shoulder._

_"You lose," he whispered, planting a soft kiss on her neck as she gasped for air. For some strange reason, she had the urge to look down and saw that he'd lifted her dress above her chest and was already playing with her bare breasts. Why didn't she feel him take her bra off?_

_Before she could say anything, Natalie pulled her underwear down to her knees and spread her legs. "This is what we do to losers," she spoke, leaning closer to the redhead's vagina. She smirked, looking up at Cat through her lashes. "I didn't peg you for a shaver."_

_Cat snickered and covered her mouth, making small noises when she felt Joey's fingers playing with her nipples. "I don't like hair down there," she confessed after moving one of her fingers out of the way so she could open her mouth. When she was dating Danny, he'd asked her if she would mind shaving or waxing, so she shaved for him. She liked the bare feeling, so she continued doing it._

_The girl between her legs chuckled and kissed the lips of her vagina, sending shivers running down her spine. She let out small whimpers when Natalie's tongue gently caressed those lips. It tickled, but it also gave her this strange feeling, a kind of yearning. She didn't know what she was yearning for, exactly, and she hoped Natalie knew what to do._

_The room started to swirl around her and her noises of pleasure grew louder when Natalie's tongue found its way to her clit and Joey played a little rougher with her nipples. Out of innate reflex, her hips bucked at the new, pleasurable feeling. Luckily, Natalie was fast enough to move away from the blow. She laughed softly and looked at Cat with seductive eyes._

_"Have you ever been eaten out before?"_

_She wanted to ask what that meant, but she simply shook her head. The weed was getting to her and she wasn't sure if she could remember how to talk. That, and she just wanted Natalie back between her legs._

_Natalie went back and started flicking her tongue against her clit, eliciting soft purrs from the little redhead. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against Joey's shoulder. Blood bubbled beneath her skin, and every touch made it stop momentarily. She wanted Natalie to make the bubbling stop, and she also wanted her to keep making her feel this foreign pleasure between her thighs._

_Joey pressed himself closer to her and started to grind against her. She felt something poking at her lower back, but she ignored it, desperately trying to focus on the girl playing with her so she wouldn't forgot the euphoric feeling._

_It didn't take long for her quivering form to shake with an orgasm. She clenched her eyes shut tightly and her hands automatically snapped to Joey's hair, pulling at his sandy blond tresses as she came loudly._

_When she settled and released him, he chuckled softly. "I like her," he breathed. He let go of one of her breasts to push Natalie away. "My turn."_

_Still reeling from her orgasm, Cat couldn't process anything._

_She opened and closed her eyes on occasion as the room changed around her, and Natalie grew increasingly nude while Joey shifted around behind her. She squeaked softly when he picked her up and Natalie grabbed her face gently. "Just watch me, okay?" she instructed._

_Cat nodded and gasped when Joey placed her down on his fully erect penis. Natalie leaned forward to kiss her, leaving a strange taste behind. Then, she sat back toward the edge of the couch and spread her legs._

_It was the first time Cat had ever seen a vagina other than her own._

_It took her a minute, but she felt Joey's hands grasp her hips tightly. He grunted behind her as he pulled her up and down on his dick and she let out delayed moans, her eyes locked on the naked girl in front of her playing with herself._

_She wasn't entirely sure what she was seeing. She never paid attention in biology or anatomy or whatever because it made her blush, so she didn't know what Natalie was even rubbing as she fondled her left breast. She locked eyes with Cat and smirked, rubbing herself faster._

_The room started to bounce too fast, so she closed her eyes and covered her mouth to keep any other noises from coming out._

_"Don't take your eyes off me!" Natalie ordered loudly, shocking her a little._

_Her eyes snapped open and she looked on in wonder with her hands still over her mouth as the girl stuck two fingers inside herself. She gasped behind her hands, wondering if it would hurt, but Natalie tilted her head back and moaned to tell her otherwise._

_She wasn't sure how long the scene played out; all sense of time was lost._

_Her back arched as she reached another point of orgasm, and she dug her nails into her cheeks to keep the moans from escaping. Joey let out a loud groan and fell back on the couch, breathing loudly. "It's about time," he mumbled._

_Natalie smiled warmly and leaned forward to kiss her redheaded friend once more. "You did good, kid," she congratulated. She pulled the tiny girl close, making her gasp as she rose off of Joey, and curled up next to her on their side of the couch. "I'll take you home first thing in the morning," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around the girl, patting her bare bottom._

_Dazed and not completely aware of what had just happened, Cat hummed a soft response and quickly fell asleep._

* * *

_And I know I should be home._

* * *

**Wednesday night.**

"I love you, Cat," Robbie whispered as he draped one of his arms around her waist. He snuggled up closer to her on the bed, and she was thankful that he couldn't see the nervous look on her face.

"I love you, too," she responded, clenching her eyes shut. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. She felt dirty, and she didn't want him to hate her. She was ashamed of her dirty dreams. She never should have smoked weed.

The first time she smoked was strange.

She dreamt that she had been locked in the highest tower of the tallest castle that was under attack by evil dragons. She dreamt that the dragons wanted to hurt her, but there was a knight and another princess there to keep her safe. But…she kissed the other princess. She kissed her a lot…and she liked it. And when the dragons attacked and the knight made her leap from the tall tower and crash into the princess's arms on the ground below, she felt like she did whenever she would almost have sex with Robbie.

She shouldn't have asked for another smoke.

That dream was worse.

This time, she dreamt that she was on a boat. Natalie was there, too, but she looked way more like Jade than she already did. She started doing naughty things, like touching herself in places that her mommy told her not to. She started touching Cat in those bad places as well, but she  _liked_  it. She liked the feeling of her lips pressed against Natalie's, but she liked it more that she thought she was kissing Jade.

She felt lonely when Natalie stopped kissing her, but then she started touching herself again. She did it without wearing clothes and the boat rocked wildly, filling Cat with so much wonder. The rocking went on for a really long time, but she only looked away from Natalie when her body shook with the most euphoric feeling she'd ever felt. Her toes had curled and her back had clenched. She didn't know what was happening, and her body was moving in ways she could never imagine.

And then she woke up in her bed without her dress on.

She didn't want to tell Robbie about her dreams, yet she wondered if she should. She was so confused. She was sure she loved him, and she was sure that she would want him intimately, to be with him in the ways she was with Danny because she knew it would be better, but why did it feel like she wanted that with Natalie? Or maybe she wanted it with Jade…

Jade was pretty. She was one of the prettiest girls Cat had ever met. Yes, she was mean to everyone—even her boyfriend and now-fiancé—but she was always nice to Cat, at least in private. One time, Jade came to stay the night at her house and she caught a glimpse of her friend changing into her night clothes. It was the first time she'd ever seen another girl topless, and she wanted to see more of Jade in that way.

But wasn't that wrong?

She shouldn't be thinking of her best friend that way, right?

She clenched her eyes shut tightly, trying to force herself to go to sleep. It was bad enough that she was upset about how horrible Jade had been to Tori; she didn't need these confusing feelings to accompany it.

She'd tried calling Tori about an hour after she left, but her phone was turned off and went straight to voicemail. She wanted to call Beck and tell him that something was wrong, but she wasn't sure if he'd want to hear it. After all, Jade kicked him out earlier that morning and he was gonna be in Canada until Friday afternoon.

She wished Natalie didn't have to go out of town. If Natalie's stupid sister hadn't unexpectedly gone into labor, then she wouldn't have to feel so trapped in this house.

She wouldn't have to be scared of Jade  _or_  Robbie.

* * *

_And I know I should be home._

* * *

**Thursday morning**.

She woke up alone in her bed, and—despite her small sense of loneliness—sighed in relief. She turned to the empty spot beside her on the bed and found a note on Robbie's pillow. She pulled it close and dropped it back down after reading that he'd left early for school because of this sculpting project he was working on.

She crawled out of bed and went straight for the shower. Normally she went to check on her daughter and make sure the baby girl was still sleeping well, but she desperately wanted a shower.

She loved showers, baths, pools, and anything wet. She felt calm in the water. Her mommy said it was because she was born in a swimming pool, and she always laughed about that story. She was a swimming baby!

She didn't wait for the water to warm up when she turned it on, and she squeaked loudly with a broad grin as the cold water bombarded her skin. That was her favorite part about showers; it made her appreciate the warmth even more.

The majority of her shower consisted of her holding herself as the water flowed freely while she thought about what to do. Should she tell Robbie about her naughty dreams? Did that mean she was cheating on him?

Normally, she would ask Jade because she trusted her about everything, but her friend's new and terrifying mood turned her off of that idea. Beck helped her with her problems sometimes, but he and his family were sad about his great aunt dying; he wouldn't have time to worry about her. On rare occasions, she asked her brother for his crazy advice, but he was on his honeymoon with that girl she didn't like.

She could ask her mommy!

Her mommy was smart and didn't have anything else to worry about. And even if she did, she always had time for her little girl. She'd know what to do.

Cat jumped out of the shower, uncaring if she got all of the soap off of her body or not. She grabbed the nearest towel and ran it over her skin quickly before wrapping it around herself and bouncing back to her room. Though her skin was still damp, she hurriedly got dressed, throwing on a baby blue crop top and a pair of white skinny jeans. She hopped into a pair of white platforms and slung her wet hair up into a scrunchie she picked up off of her dresser.

Then she hurried to her room and gathered her daughter and her baby necessities before heading downstairs, grabbing one of the strollers by the front door, and leaving the house.

* * *

_And I know I should be home._

* * *

It had been a while since she'd taken Cassie out for a walk.

She almost wished she'd worn more sensible shoes for the long walk to her old house. But she was a trooper and didn't like feeling short. The extra exercise would be good for her anyway.

Cassie didn't seem to mind the change of scenery and gurgled happily as she looked around at the world passing her by. She pointed at various animals and shouted 'play' on multiple occasions, and it nearly broke her mother's heart to tell her 'no.'

Cat smiled when she saw her mother's car in her old driveway. She probably should have called before just coming over—she remembered how Jade used to get mad at her for it when she still lived with her mean brother—but there was no stopping her when an idea popped into her head and she really wanted to do something.

She practically ran with her stroller up to the front door, making sure she didn't trip over the bumps and breaks in the sidewalk. Once there, she rang the doorbell frantically, hoping it would make her mother answer faster.

A few seconds later, her mother pulled the door open with a confused look. She wore the tight black sweatpants she'd gotten when she was in high school as well as a white tank top. Her usually impeccable hair had been pulled into a high ponytail. "What are you doing here, baby?" she asked. "Is everything okay?"

"They will be," Cat answered cheerfully with a nod that rattled the messy bun atop her head. "I really wanted to talk to you about something."

"You can talk to me about anything, sweetie," Ms. Valentine assured her, the confused expression still scribbled on her face. She stepped aside to allow her daughter to push the stroller inside the house. Once her daughter and granddaughter were inside and the door was closed, Alicia enveloped her daughter into a warm hug. "I've missed you, baby girl."

"I'm sorry," Cat apologized, returning the hug. "I've been really busy!"

After the hug disbanded, Alicia put her hand on Cat's back, leading her into the living room. Then she picked Cassie up out of her stroller and sat down on the couch with her in her lap. "So what did you need, Kitten?"

Cat sighed as she took a spot on the couch by her mother. "Is it," she began nervously, "How do you…What…? Can girls like girls…the way they like boys?"

The question took her mother by surprise. Her eyes widened slightly and she opened her mouth to speak before closing it and opening it again. "Well," she started skeptically, looking down at her granddaughter playing with her necklace, "Uh…sometimes, a girl will like another girl like she likes a boy. She'll want to do things that are supposed to be between a boy and a girl." She twirled a lock of Cassie's hair and looked back up to her daughter. "Sometimes she'll want to do what you did with Daniel, even though it's…different, I think. Boys do it too—liking other boys. And sometimes, a girl can like boys  _and_  girls; she can't help how she feels."

"Oh," the little redhead mumbled, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"Do…do you think you have feelings for a girl?" Alicia questioned hesitantly, never expecting to have this conversation. "I-it's okay if you do." Reluctantly, she placed a calming hand on her daughter's knee. "I'll love you no matter who you love."

With a groan, Cat threw her head backward, bumping it on the back of the couch. She clenched her eyes shut and let out a small 'ow.' She took in a deep breath through her nose. "I think I do," she finally admitted quietly.

"So what about Robbie?"

"I still love him!" the tiny girl exclaimed, snapping her body to her mother with pained eyes. "I love him, but there's this really pretty girl and she does…things that I've never seen a girl do and I really like them. They…make me feel funny, but it's the good kind of funny that Robbie makes me feel." She groaned again and dramatically fell onto the rest of the couch, burying her face into one of the decorative pillows.

"You can't help how you feel about someone," her mother told her, "But you need to decide what you want to do about it. Robbie's been through so much with you; he wouldn't have if he didn't love you. If you want to throw all of that away because of this new girl, then that's your decision."

"I want to be with Robbie," the redhead confessed, her voice muffled by the pillow. "I love him so, so, so, so much, but I'm scared."

"Well, why are you scared, honey?" Alicia questioned.

There was a brief silence. Suddenly, Cat felt awkward about telling her mommy her fears. It was a little…weird, even weirder than her asking if girls could like girls. But she never hid anything from her mother for too long, so there was no use in holding it in.

"I'm really scared of getting pregnant again if I sleep with Robbie!" she spoke hurriedly, her words mixing together.

Her mother choked on her spit and fell into a small coughing fit, unsettling her granddaughter in her lap. She quickly regained her composure, placing her hand on her chest as if it would help. "I should have told you about safe sex a long time ago," she admitted glumly. She tapped Cassie's nose with her finger and a small smile. "If you're worried about another pregnancy, ask Robbie to buy condoms. If he says no, then you tell me and we'll have to have another discussion."

"But condoms break!" Cat cried, shooting up into a sitting position.

Her mother laughed softly and reached out to gently stroke her thumb over her daughter's forearm. "Then I'll take you to see a gynecologist," she offered. "They're special lady doctors that can prescribe you birth control. If you have that  _and_  condoms, then there's no way you'll get pregnant."

Cat lowered her head in shame, feeling bad that she didn't try to get any birth control when she was dating Danny. "Can we go right now?" she asked quietly.

Her mother stirred on the couch and put Cassie on the floor, much to the tiny toddler's dismay. "Sure," she said. "Just let me run upstairs and get changed really quickly."

She looked up with a bright smile, her eyes full of hope. "Kay, kay!"

* * *

_And I know I should be home._

* * *

She expected her mother to take her to the women's clinic where she got her ultrasounds done. But they went a ways away to a city she hadn't ever heard of. Her mom said that this was where she used to go when she was growing up, and she still came here on rare occasions. She trusted the doctors and staff in Santa Monica, so Cat would too.

She was nervous about being in the tiny little room with her mom sitting in the corner, but she didn't say anything. She was here for a specific reason, and that reason was Robbie. If she had this bad feeling about Natalie, and if she couldn't shake it away, then it was  _wrong_  and it needed to stop. She needed to spend more time with him, to get back into the habit of being with him. If being with him meant sleeping with him, she'd do it. She wanted to do it anyway, and this would finally give her what she wanted.


	5. Telegraph Ave

* * *

  _"If you tell me 'turn around,' then I'm on it for the moment, but you know me. You know how I get when I'm lonely. I think about you and the moments, but everything you do is so…" – Childish Gambino_

* * *

 

Tori was used to going to bed alone, but the thought that Andre was downstairs and could come up at any time during the night to crawl under the covers with her made her feel at least somewhat better.

Man…that was messed up. But to each her own, right?

She hated going to bed alone (even though technically she wasn't since she brought Antonio's crib into the bedroom) and now she truly felt it.

After kicking Andre out, she spent the rest of the day in her room. She didn't want to do anything else, and she had to try her hardest not to cry in front of her son. So she stayed on her bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling, while her toddler played around on the floor. Eventually, they both fell asleep, and her phone blaring Katy Perry's new single startled them both.

Tori shot out of bed and looked around her room for her son. He sat crying in a corner, so she quickly ran over to him and picked him up while the song looped back to the beginning. Propping the baby on her hip, she ran back over and answered the phone without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?" she shouted over her son's crying as she bounced him.

_"Tori, it's me," Danny told her. "Is everything okay?"_

"Yeah, yeah," she answered hastily. "The phone just scared Antonio."

_"Well, I'm on my way over," he said awkwardly._

"Okay," she breathed, "I'll see you when you get here."

She quickly ended the call and shoved her phone into the pocket of her jeans. She cursed herself in her head as she rushed to Antonio's crib and set him down in it, thankful he'd finally stopped crying. She told Danny to get here as soon as possible. She should have been up and busy by now.

She gave Antonio a kiss before running out of the room and down to the bathroom. She slammed the door and quickly stripped her clothes. Once all her clothes were scattered on the floor, she turned on the shower at full blast and screamed as she shuddered beneath the cold water once she hopped in.

She didn't have time to wait for the water to heat up!

She showed as fast as she could, letting out shuddering breaths as the freezing water berated her skin. After a few seconds, the water started to warm and she let out a sigh of relief. However, she screamed again when the water turned scalding hot and she slammed the knob as close as she could to the line that separated hot from cold. She held her hair up and twirled around beneath the water to get all the soap off her body, almost slipping twice. Parts of her hair got wet and produced a stinky smell, causing her to wonder how long it had been since she washed her hair; it was easy to lose track of your own hygiene when you worried about providing for your baby and trying to get your boyfriend to give you the time of day.

She snatched a shampoo bottle from the rack beside the shower nozzle and squirted a generous amount into her hand. She dropped the bottle with a loud  _clank_  and applied the shampoo to her hair, scrubbing furiously as she made sure to cover every inch. It got in her eye a few times, but she still scrubbed at her hair, despite the stinging pain. When she was sure she got all of her hair, she quickly turned around and let the water spill over the back of her head. She tilted her head back and shook her hair to make sure all of the shampoo was out.

There was no time for conditioner, either.

She shut the water off and jumped out of the shower, slinging water everywhere and nearly slipping on her blouse. She grabbed a towel and roughly dried her skin as best as she could. When she thought she got all the water off, she wrapped the towel around her body, turned to the sink, and flipped the cold water on at full blast, holding her left eye beneath it to cleanse it of the shampoo.

She hurriedly scooped up her clothes and darted back to her room, slamming the door so hard that she rattled the walls. Dropping her clothes in a pile, she ran to her closet, tousling the small amount of hair on her son's hair as she passed him. He stared at her in wonder as she threw clothes left and right, looking for something decent to wear.

Her wet hair dripped down her back and she could hear soft water thuds hit her carpet. She turned around and jumped to her nightstand, searching for a scrunchie amongst the clutter of paperclips, napkins, and old lipgloss tubes. When she found one, she quickly tied her hair up in a bun behind her head to keep the water still trapped in it from dripping all over her carpet and clothes.

She went back to her closet and picked out a white, sleeveless, button-up blouse. It was referred to as her 'mom shirt' because it made her feel like a mom when she wore it, but it was cute and the only thing she deemed suitable to wear. She snatched a pair of dark blue skinny jeans from her closet and threw them onto the bed along with her blouse.

She ran to her chest of drawers, filing through the clothes inside and grabbing the first bra and pair of underwear she touched. It didn't matter if they matched; she didn't plan on sleeping with Danny…today. Turning her back to her son's curious eyes, she dressed modestly, moving the towel down on her body to hide parts that little boys shouldn't see. She was being silly though, because she'd taken numerous baths with him and he wouldn't even remember any of it. But  _c'est la vie_.

"Tori!" her mother called from downstairs just as she snaked one of her legs into her jeans. "Danny's here to see you!" She squeaked and fell onto the bed, hurriedly jamming her other leg in and pulling her pants up.

As she dashed out of her room, she faintly heard her mother saying other things to Danny and quickly rushed downstairs in case she said anything embarrassing. "Thanks, Mom," she said breathlessly when she reached the bottom of the steps. "You can go now."

"Calm down, Sweetheart," her mother advised with a warm smile. "Maybe I want to talk to Danny, too." She turned back to the boy who stood nervously in the doorway. "I'm so glad you and Tori are on better terms," she gushed as she pinched his cheek. "Out of all the boys she's dated, you were my favorite."

" _Mom_!" Tori whined in shock. She shoved her mother out of the way and reached out to grab Danny's wrist. "We'll be upstairs," she announced as she pulled him into the house.

"Keep your door open!" Holly ordered as her daughter hurriedly dragged Danny up the stairs.

"I have a baby in my room!" she reminded as she shoved Danny into her room and slammed the door.

She let out a sigh as she pressed her back to the door. "Sorry about that," she apologized once they were alone in the quiet.

"It's okay," Danny chuckled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his red skinny jeans. He looked around the room for a moment as an awkward silence filled the air. "So—"

"I don't—" Tori started at the same time he spoke.

The both stopped talking and looked away from each other. After another small moment of silence, he cleared his throat. "You go," he suggested.

She started to wring her hands and looked down at them, trying to find the strength to get those words off her chest. How could she start? What would she say? She could honestly say she'd never done anything like this before…

"Andre and I got into a fight," she announced, staring at her feet. Her head quickly shot up. "It was after I asked you to come over though."

He raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Then what did you call me over for?"

Tori sighed and stepped away from him again before walking over to Antonio's crib. The little boy smiled when his mother headed his way, and he reached out his arms to her. She smiled back at him and kissed him on the top of the head before picking him up and placing him back on her hip.

She turned back to Danny and opened her mouth to speak when he stepped backward and his hand shot out to grab onto something to steady himself.

"We used protection," he mumbled, forcing himself to look up at his ex-girlfriend.

"I know we did," she acknowledged quietly. "But…sometimes it doesn't work."

"Is this what you and Andre fought about?" he asked, raising his voice to a normal tone.

She nodded and walked past him to grab the booklet from her desk that Andre hadn't even bothered putting back in its rightful place. "I wrote down everything about Antonio," she announced, looking at the book with regard. "From the day I took a pregnancy test to the day he was born." She turned back to her ex-boyfriend and walked back to him, holding the little book out to him at arms' length. "I told him in one of the worst ways possible, but this is a little better."

With a shaking hand, he took it from her and opened it to the first page. They stood in silence as he looked at all of the dates. There were so many milestones written in the pages. His eyes scanned through the booklet, taking it in and thinking about where he was. Dates with Cat, getting hotel rooms with Cat, leaving Cat, holding his daughter… He did all of that…while she did all of this pretty much by herself.

He couldn't breathe.

He let the book fall to the ground and covered his mouth sloppily, staring at the disheveled mess of papers on the carpet. Now his mom was  _definitely_  gonna kill him! He never meant to sleep with her. He and Cat were just going through some rough patches and he wanted Tori's advice since he didn't know—or like—Jade well enough to ask her. But then one thing led to another and now another girl with his kid stood before him.

He made sure to use protection though. Even being so careful…he still got her pregnant.

Shaking slightly, he looked up to Tori and her son,  _his_  son. The boy had his nose. The tiny tufts of hair atop his head were straight and black, unlike his mother's wavy brown.

He let out a shuddering breath that quickly turned into slight laughter. He quickly crossed the distance between him and Tori and grabbed her face, kissing her deeply.

Her eyes widened on impact and she held Antonio a little tighter. The feeling of his lips on hers brought back old memories, fond ones that she greatly missed. Whether he loved her or not, he kissed her with more fire and passion that Andre ever had. No matter how many times she kissed Andre, nothing could compare to Danny.

After all, he was her first love.

Just as she was about to put her free hand on the back of his neck, he pulled away from her and kissed Antonio on the top of his little fuzzy head. Tears filled his eyes as he smiled down at his son. "I can't believe it," he whispered as Antonio wrapped his fingers around one of Danny's. "You're my son…"

And just like that, he found a new reason to live.

He had to be there for Antonio; he needed to. With the realization that he had a son, he would be able to leave Cat alone. It was blatantly obvious that she didn't want anything to do with him; she was just too nice to say anything. As bad as it may sound, he could stay out of Cassie's life; he would be able to give her the choice of spending time with her real father when she grew up.

"I love you, Tori," he confessed, gently cupping her face while holding onto his son's tiny fingers. "No matter how much I loved Cat, I never stopped loving you; that's never gonna change."

"Then why did you let me go?" the Latina whispered. "You were my best friend at Sherwood, and it was a mistake breaking up with you."

He chuckled slightly, rubbing his thumb across her cheek. "You always did whatever you wanted," he reminded her. The small smile he wore faded. "But I should have fought to keep you." He leaned in and kissed her softly, leaving his forehead pressed against hers when their lips broke. "I would gladly give up ever meeting Cat if I could have spent these past three years with you."

Tori closed her eyes and held her mouth. That should have made her happy, hearing that from him, but it had its price.

_I would gladly give up ever meeting Cat._

He would give up Cassie.

What if she'd never broken up with him? What if she'd been his first instead of Cat? He told her he leaved her, but he left her the minute he found out she was pregnant. Who was to say he wouldn't have done everything the same if it was Tori, not Cat? He would leave her. He would meet Cat. He'd be happier with her.

"Take it back," she whispered, a shaking hand wiping away the tear falling from her right eye.

"What?" Danny repeated hesitantly.

"I said 'take it back,'" Tori repeated a little louder, opening bloodshot eyes. Her breathing faltered and grew frantic. "Take it back, Danny!" She stepped away from him, pressing her back to wall and gripping her son tighter. "L-l-look at where you and Cat are right now! I-I-If you never m-met her, you'd be with her right now.  _I_  would be the one with a baby you don't care about! W-what if you have another kid out there that you don't know about? How do I know you won't tell any other baby mama you might have that you love her and would give up everything for  _her_?"

"I love  _you_ , Tori!" Danny exclaimed, his eyes frantic and pleading. "You and Cat are the only girls I've ever slept with. I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you. The only reason I left Cat is because my mother raised me to be a decent man, and I knew I'd have to spend the rest of my life with her. I was terrified because I still loved you; I couldn't love her the way I love you."

"Then prove it!" she blurted out, bouncing slightly on her heels.

"What?"

"I said 'prove it,'" she said again. "I have a son to worry about,  _your_  son, and I can't keep living with guys that don't love me or my baby. If you really love me, then let's go to the courthouse right now and get married."

"Done," he complied without hesitation, grabbing her hand. He got down on one knee and looked her in the eyes. His heart beat rampantly in his chest, but he kept telling it to shut up. This is what he was supposed to be doing. This is what he was meant to do all along.

"Victoria Mariana Vega," he began, mustering all the confidence he could, "We've been best friends since elementary school, and I was an idiot for letting you out of my life. You were the best thing I never asked for, and I never want to lose you again. I want to make things right by you, and I want to love you forever. Will you marry me?"

A grin spread from ear to ear and she nodded rapidly, bouncing joyously. Danny jumped up and grabbed her face with a small chuckle, kissing her deeply.

* * *

_And if I married you tonight, it would probably start a riot._

* * *

Apparently, getting married on a whim wasn't as easy as Tori thought it would be.

They had to have a marriage license, which usually took an hour to process, and they had all these fees they had to pay. It was a mess, and she almost called it off. If not for Danny's mom, she probably wouldn't be getting married.

Under her instructions, they both filled out a marriage application online. Luckily for them, there weren't a lot of people applying for a marriage license that Thursday, so that was a plus. However, the nearest courthouse that would marry them was in Norwalk. She didn't appreciate having to drive thirty minutes just to get married, but the Norwalk location was the only one that would marry people Mondays through Fridays.

At least they wouldn't have to go to Vegas.

* * *

_And if I married you tonight, it would probably start a riot._

* * *

Thankfully, Danny was able to convince his mother to be a witness at the ceremony…and to pay for some of the fees. Tori wasn't ready to tell her parents yet, and Trina was known for her loose tongue. His father was away on a business trip, but he wasn't so sure he wanted his quick tempered old man to know about the sudden engagement.

"Daniel," Mrs. Kerrigan called as the two teens made their way toward the courthouse. They both turned around and he walked back to her.

"Yeah, Ma?"

His mother began to wring her hangs and took in a deep breath. She closed her eyes and laughed in spite of herself. Tori envied the melodic sound. "I never thought I'd say this on your wedding day," she breathed. She took in another deep breath and opened her eyes. "Your father and I are getting a divorce."

"But we're Catholic!" he cried. "Do we even believe in divorce?"

Mrs. Kerrigan nodded. "But I changed my faith for your father," she explained. She lowered her voice so Tori wouldn't hear. "And in any religion, cheating is frowned upon. I like Tori, so I want you to have a happy marriage with her." Her hand snapped out to his ear and she pulled, causing him to cry out in pain. "So keep it in your pants."

"Ow, ow, ow!" he howled. "I will, Ma! Let go!" He stood up straight and cleared his throat when she released his ear, trying to pretend that didn't just happen. "So what's going to happen at home?"

Mrs. Kerrigan nodded and looked away. Though she'd prepared the answer at least four times, she still didn't want to tell him. "Your father's leaving me the house in the divorce," she told him, looking back to him with sad eyes. "Perfect timing, really." She smiled weakly. "I didn't have a wedding gift for you."

Danny grabbed his mother's hands frantically. "What are you saying?" he questioned.

"I'm saying I haven't worked in nearly two decades," she admitted. "I'm going to stay with my parents in Azusa until I can afford a place of my own. You, Tori, and my precious little grandson can have our house. It's already been paid off, so that's one less thing you have to worry about. You just focus on keeping her and your little boy safe and happy. Am I clear, Daniel Nolan?"

Danny nodded with a small sigh. "Yes, ma'am," he breathed.

Mrs. Kerrigan patted him on the shoulder. "Now let's get you married."

* * *

_And if I married you tonight, it would probably start a riot._

* * *

The bad thing about being impulsive was that you were never dressed for the occasion. Tori always thought she'd get married in a dress, but at least her blouse was white. She was so worried about finding a witness, filling out the license, and the annoyingly long half-hour drive that the thought of what she and Danny were wearing—him, those red skinnies she hated and that green Camo T-shirt she wanted to burn—hadn't even occurred to her.

She instantly fell in love with her future mother-in-law when she pulled a folded black dress shirt out of her obnoxiously big purse. She must have grabbed it for him while the young couple was filling out their application for a marriage license.

The room where they were about to get married was decorated enough to look like a church, and it settled her slightly. There were a few pews situated in rows with a walkway down the middle, and it made her wish she had people to fill those pews. Fat white ribbons hung loosely along the walls, making long fabric smiles topped with bows on each corner. Large potted white roses stood around the wedding arch at the altar, making it feel a little more normal.

Her grandparents had a house by the beach in Long Beach that she and her sister used to go to a lot when they were younger. Trina wanted the big, extravagant wedding, but she just wanted to get married on the beach behind her grandparents' house. She had always dreamed of a conventional wedding.

But she wanted this.

She loved Danny and practically forced him to marry her. She didn't want to take chances with him leaving her, so the sooner the better. People got married in courthouses all the time, anyway. When she was ready to tell her family, she and Danny could always renew their vows with the ceremony she originally planned.

"Are you ready," he whispered, taking her hand gently.

She looked up to him, coming back from her regards about the venue, and smiled warmly. "Always," she breathed. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it gently. Together, they walked up to the altar, and she continued to mentally prepare herself for what was about to happen.

After this, she would officially be Victoria Vega Kerrigan.

On the application, you had to specify what middle and last names you wanted, and she hated her real middle name. She wasn't too fond of Danny's last name, but she didn't mind taking it since she had him. She thought about hyphenating—because that was what Jade was going to do—but decided the name she'd chosen fit her better.

"I'll get you a real engagement ring," he whispered once more after leaning down to her ear when they reached the wedding officiant—a man in his late 40s with a receding hairline and a beer gut that could hardly be contained by the finely pressed tuxedo he wore.

She turned to him and pressed her hand against his cheek, kissing him softly. The officiant cleared his throat impatiently and she jumped, turning back to him awkwardly.

"Daniel Kerrigan and Victoria Vega," the officiant began, opening a bible with cheat notes on what to say, just for the sake of looking official, "Today you celebrate one of life's greatest moments and give recognition to the worth and beauties of love, as you join together in the vows of marriage." He turned to Danny. "Daniel, do you take Victoria to be your wife?"

"I do," Danny stated confidently with a sharp nod.

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all other and holding only unto her?"

"I do."

The officiant turned to Tori. "Victoria," he began in his husky voice, "Do you take Daniel to be your husband?"

"I do," she breathed, the wide smile never leaving her face.

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all other and holding only unto him?"

"I do."

"May we now have the rings?" the city appointed man asked.

Danny's mother stood, her grandson on her hip, and pulled the rings she'd bought at the front desk from the pocket of her teal jeans. She smiled as she placed them in Antonio's hand and closed it over them. She kept her hand over his to make sure he wouldn't drop them and walked over to her own son. "Do you want to give them the rings?" she cooed, holding his hand out. If she didn't hold his wrist, he would have thrown them. Tori sensed that and quickly took the larger ring from her son's hand, Danny following suit and taking the smaller ring.

"The wedding ring is a symbol of unity," the officiant continued once Mrs. Kerrigan had taken her seat once more, "A circle unbroken, without beginning or end. And today, Daniel and Victoria give and receive these rings as demonstrations of their vows to make their life one, to work at all times to create a love that is whole and unbroken, and to love each other without end. The couple will now exchange vows."

Ring in hand, Danny took Tori's left hand and slid his ring on her finger. He held both of her hands and looked to her with a smile she'd never seen before. He looked happier than he'd ever been, and it warmed her heart to know that she was the cause of that happiness. "Tori," he started, "I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife. I vow to make you and our son the happiest on the planet. I vow to always take care of you. I vow to always love you, even when we argue. Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, whenever you need someone to help you up, I vow to always be there. I vow to love you even when we wake up tomorrow and your hair looks like a rat's nest and you think you look hideous. I vow to be your forever and always."

Grinning broadly, Tori slid her ring onto his left ring finger. "Danny," she commenced, her voice already quivering with oncoming tears, "I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband. I have loved you for the past six years, and I vow to never stop. I vow to be a good wife for you, to take care of you when you needed it, and to give you space when you don't. I vow to keep you as happy as you make me. I vow to never complain about your shower singing, no matter how bad it gets. I vow to make a good life with you, our son, and however many kids come along after. I vow to be your forever and always."

"Daniel and Victoria," the minister concluded, "Just as two very different threads woven in opposite directions can form a beautiful tapestry, so can your two lives merge together to form a very beautiful marriage. To make your marriage work will take love.

"Love should be the core of your marriage; love is the reason you are here. But it also will take trust—to know in your hearts you want the best for each other. It will take dedication—to stay open to one another, to learn and to grow together even when this is not always so easy to do.

"It will take faith, to be willing to go forward to tomorrow, never really knowing what tomorrow will bring. In addition, it will take commitment, to hold true to the journey, you both now pledge to share together.

"Daniel and Victoria, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, I now declare you to be husband and wife. Congratulations, you may kiss your bride."

* * *

_And if I married you tonight, it would probably start a riot._

* * *

"I'm so happy," Tori breathed as she rested her hand on her new husband's shoulder as her mother-in-law drove them back home.

"I'm happy, too," Danny whispered back. He grabbed her hand gently and ran his thumb across the back. "I never thought I'd see this day."

She opened her mouth to say something, but a loud yawn took her over. She quickly covered her mouth in embarrassment, looking up at her husband through her lashes. "Sorry," she apologized, rubbing her drooping eyelids. "I haven't been sleeping well lately because I've been taking care of the baby."

He looked to his son in her lap. "You make it look easy," he joked. She laughed and rolled her eyes playfully, shooting warmth through him. He never realized how much he missed her laugh.

"It's hard doing it by myself," she confessed. "Andre never had time and I couldn't ask my parents for help."

"Why not?" he asked curiously. He eyed Antonio who played with his mother's hair. "It doesn't matter now, though. I'm here to help you out, now." He reached out to lightly stroke his new wife's cheek as a dark question clouded his mind. "Does Andre think he's mine?"

Tori looked down at her hands as an awkward silence filled the car. "I don't think so," she spoke quietly, keeping her eyes on her wringing fingers. "He didn't say anything about you, but I don't know if he suspects you at all."

"What do you think he'll do when he finds out?"

She shrugged and looked up at him through her lashes. "I don't know," she confessed. She grimaced. "I don't plan on seeing him again."

He smiled weakly. "So what does that mean for us? When are we telling people?"

She smiled softly and tilted her head up, planting a light kiss on his lips. "We have a lot of catching up to do," she announced, indirectly answering his question.

He gave her a reassuring smile. "All we have is time now," he breathed as he leaned in to kiss her tenderly. "We can get to know each other all over again."

* * *

_And if I married you tonight, it would probably start a riot._

* * *

She didn't tell her parents that Danny was staying the night. She should have spent her first night as a married woman with her husband in their new home, but she wasn't ready to tell anyone just yet. She wanted to wait for the perfect time, and the day of her wedding would not be it. It would be hell to have her parents chewing her ass about it, so it would have to wait until another day.

On their wedding night, they were quiet, but it was the best sex she'd had in a long time. She missed the feeling of hands caressing her every curve, the taste of skin between her teeth. Their bodies pressed together was a refreshing change from…absence. If she had it her way, they never would have broken apart.

But they needed sleep.

That Friday, they didn't do much other than lay in bed. What else was there to do when you were a newlywed? Around noon, however, Tori finally left the room to check on Antonio. When she made sure he was okay, she took him to her mom and asked if she would watch him because she had a lot of schoolwork to focus on.

The only 'work' she focused on, however, was Danny.

Around two PM, he'd fallen asleep and she had been well on her way until her phone rang. She scrambled for it quickly, trying to silence the vibration.

"Hello?" she called in a hushed whisper.

_"Tori?" Beck called back, "Where are you? Andre's mom's been trying to get in touch with you. What are you doing?"_

"No she hasn't," she denied, keeping her voice low. "Andre called me five times today, but I didn't want to talk to him. We're…spending time apart." Danny groaned at her side and she quickly shushed him, clenching her eyes shut in embarrassment.

_"How long have you two been broken up?" Beck questioned pointedly. Hopefully he didn't notice._

"Since Tuesday," she responded meekly.

_"Andre's in the hospital," he spat after a brief silence. She wasn't sure if she heard anger in his voice. "His mom thinks he tried to kill himself."_

"What?!" she cried in disbelief. "What hap—" A beep signaling an ended call sounded and she pulled the phone away to look at it.

She jumped up from the bed after dropping her phone on the bedside table and ran to her closet.

"What are you doing?" Danny asked groggily as he watched her scramble through her clothes.

"I'm going to go see Andre at the hospital," she replied obviously. Blouses and jeans flew across the floor as she ripped through her closet for something decent to wear.

He didn't quite enjoy the thought of his new bride visiting her ex-boyfriend, but he couldn't tell her not to go. He scowled as he sat up, propping himself up on his hands. "Don't you think you should take a shower first?" he shot passive aggressively. "You wouldn't want your boyfriend to think you've been sleeping around with the husband no one knows about."

Tori stopped rummaging and her hand squeezed the blue silk blouse she was about to pick out. She turned around with a miffed expression. "Ex _cuse_  me?" she snarled. "I'm going to see him because we were friends before we dated. You're my  _husband_ , Danny; if I were visiting him because I loved him, I wouldn't have suggested we get married."

Danny scoffed, tossing his head back with sarcasm. "That's not what you said on the phone," he pointed out. He swung his legs out from under the covers and pulled on his underwear and jeans without exposing himself. He picked up his shirt and turned to her with a pointed glare. "You have a hard time making up your mind, you know that?"

"What's that even supposed to mean?" she cried as she crossed her arms and Danny pulled on his shirt.

He rolled his eyes with a sneer. "You know exactly what it means," he spat, putting on his shoes. "You either want me or you don't, and you've been going back and forth for three years now; I'm starting to think you only want me when it's convenient for you."

She gasped, at a loss for words as he stormed out of her room. She did  _not_  go back and forth! Who was he to say that to her? If he really felt that way, he wouldn't have spent the day in her bed! He wouldn't have  _married_  her! He didn't bother talking to her after they broke up when she was at Sherwood, he didn't bother talking to her after she'd ruined his relationship with Cat, he didn't bother talking to her before he and Cat got back together, and he didn't bother talking to her after they'd conceived Antonio. If he had the nerve to sound… _jealous_ …then he could have done something about it earlier.  _She_  was always the one to call him, not the other way around.

There was no doubt that she loved him and missed him, but he kept tossing her back whenever she threw her heart out to him. She couldn't live like that, especially now that she had a kid.

But did she love Andre?

He was a really great friend—obviously closer than any of her other friends—and he was great in bed. She couldn't say she saw him as a brother; she wouldn't have sex with her brother even if she had one. If anything, Beck was more like a brother to her than Andre was.

But whatever that love was that she held for Andre, it was nothing compared to the love she felt for Danny. She would never marry Andre.

In the midst of her thoughts, she turned back to her closet and grabbed the first things her hands touched: the blue, silk blouse she'd almost grabbed earlier and a pair of black skinny jeans. She thought of him as she dressed, how his hands felt on her body as he undressed her, how his lips singed her skin and shot electricity through her body…

_Stop._

She couldn't keep thinking about him; she needed to think about Andre.

She still couldn't believe what Beck told her…

What if he really  _did_  try to kill himself? What if it was her fault? Beck seemed to think so. What if she really hurt him when she practically threw it in his face that Antonio was someone else's son. She made a big fuss about it otherwise, but she knew that Antonio was his pride and joy.

Thinking about it, she  _wanted_  to love him like he loved her, but her heart belonged to Danny, just as it had for the past few years. He probably wouldn't take it well, but she couldn't keep stringing him along; she couldn't string either of them along. Not anymore.

Maybe Danny was right and maybe he wasn't, but she knew what she wanted. She just prayed she hadn't ruined everything.


	6. Falling

 

* * *

_“Why am I feeling so guilty? Why am I holding my breath? Worry 'bout everyone but me, I just keep losing myself.” – The Civil Wars_

* * *

 

_“To put it simply, your son has lost part of his ability to hear, and, in time, may lose his hearing altogether.”_

She had trouble sleeping that Thursday night. Sure, she’d gotten past the biggest issue in her life at the moment, but now she had two other problems to worry about: her son, and the ignoramus in her Roman Archeology class that wanted to be her new suitor despite the massive STOP sign on her finger.

As much of a nuisance as Fletch was making himself out to be, he wasn’t a _big_ problem for her. Worst case scenario: she’d kill him violently before class started and spend a few years in jail. It seemed like a risk she was willing to take, but she didn’t give him that much thought as she tossed and turned in a bed far too big for her.

She contemplated bringing the twins into her room and putting them in the bed with her, but she didn’t want to risk one of them falling off. Moving the furniture around in her bedroom would be far too much work, and she needed to just suck it up.

Beck would be back in a few hours. And while she rarely ever apologized to anyone, she would let him come back home. She wouldn’t admit it to him, but she’d overreacted when she threw him out. _But in her defense_ , she was under a lot of stress from sleeplessness, repressed trauma, blah, blah, blah, and she would take it to her grave.

She made a mistake. So what? No one was perfect. Sure, Beck was pretty damn close, but he certainly wasn’t perfect. If anything, he could take her letting him back into her house as a sign of an apology. Even if the house was in his name, it was hers. She didn’t have anywhere else to go, unlike him, and he would never make her sleep on the streets. So if he didn’t accept her apology, it would be another story and he would find his pretty little ass back in his old RV.

But back to her son.

She needed to take Jensen to the hospital to get him checked out. That old hag at the daycare said something about his hearing, and now she was worried beyond belief. She wasn’t religious, but she was praying that there was nothing wrong with him. She was stupid to think her kids would be okay despite her difficult pregnancy. She’d fallen, been thrown around, been beaten, and even gone into early labor. If that wasn’t reason enough for abnormalities, she didn’t know what _would_ be.

And if there was something wrong with Jensen, what if there was something wrong with Darla? One kid was bad, but complications for two? _That_ would kill her. What would happen when she took him? What if something was wrong and it was her fault? Regardless of what anyone tried to tell her otherwise, she let Liam do everything he did to her. She didn’t tell her stepdad—should she even call him that?—when Liam first hit her. She didn’t tell the cops when he first molested her. She didn’t tell Beck the first time he raped her. She didn’t do much to fight him back even before she found out she was pregnant. She took forever to tell anyone anything. And because she waited _so long_ to tell anyone what was happening, Robbie ended up in a coma. Who was to say something didn’t happen to her babies in utero?

So when she woke up that Friday—though she doubted she could say that she actually slept—she reached for her phone. She needed to call him, to talk to him. She needed to tell him about Jensen, to find out what time he’d be home in the hopes that he’d go to the hospital with her. She didn’t know what he’d be doing, but she was going to call him anyway.

For once, after pressing the appropriate speed dial number, she was glad they had a phone plan that covered international calls. She held her breath and clenched her eyes shut as she waited for it to start ringing.

One ring…

Two rings…

Three rings…

Ugh. She felt stupid and like she was about to cry. She needed to get out of bed and get her coffee, but she hoped he would pick up. On the fifth ring, his voicemail sounded. She hesitated for a brief moment to make sure that her voice wouldn’t crack—she _hated_ when her voice cracked.

“I…I’m taking Jensen to the hospital for a checkup when I get out of class,” she spoke. “It’s probably nothing, but it would be good for his dad to be there with him, too. Get there soon enough and you can come back home. Bye.”

After hanging up, she sighed. That was good; she was strong, despite her weak emotions. Even if she didn’t feel like Jade West, she would _be_ Jade West. She’d be damned if she let anyone see otherwise.

Slowly, she climbed out of bed and stood up. She couldn’t start what was  _definitely_ going to be a long day if she couldn’t even get out of bed.

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

It almost killed her to drop her twins off at daycare. She was just glad that Cat wasn’t in the car with her; the little redhead decided to stay with her mom the previous night, so she would just hitch a ride to school. By the time Jade got to the nursery, Cassie was already there playing with a little blond boy, so Cat was already in class.

Oh well.

Again, she suffered through her Chemistry class, marveling at how the professor hadn’t kicked out all of the idiots who kept asking questions about his syllabus and dreadfully mundane personal life. And while she suffered, she fell asleep at least twice during the fifty minute period. If the teacher hadn’t have tapped her on the shoulder when the class was over, she would have slept through her Roman Archeology class.

Resisting the urge to strangle her grey-haired professor for bothering her, she gathered her things and quickly made her way to the Education building. She still thought it was stupid that the entire campus was for education but there was a specifically labeled building.

As she checked her phone, she saw that she still had four minutes before class started.

When she opened the doors to her classroom after pushing past the throngs of people making their way to their own classrooms, she saw that the room had filled up fast. She looked to her usual spot and a hard grimace set in when she saw the back of Fletch’s dirty blond head sitting in the chair beside hers.

The door closed loudly behind her and four people in the back row—including the stupid, handsome, rich boy—turned to look at her. He gave her a smirk and a wink, eliciting a scoff and roll of the eyes from her. He waved her over, but she ignored him and took the stairs down to the front of the classroom.

Moments after she took a spot in the front row where no one else sat, she felt the warmth of someone leaning into her. “I saved you a seat for a reason,” Fletch whispered into her ear.

Jade clenched her eyes shut, suppressing a growl. “I’m sitting up front today,” she spat. “And I told you Wednesday to leave me _alone_.”

“Maybe I decided I want to sit up front as well,” he offered coolly. “It’s merely a coincidence that the only other open seat in this row is directly behind you.”

She opened her mouth to say something else when the professor walked in, blathering on about the lesson plan for the day. She contemplated moving, but her every move would be scrutinized by both the teacher and the creep behind her, so she decided to keep her spot. But while Fletch had won this round, she would have the last laugh.

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

When she went to pick up her kids, Jade noticed that Cassie was nowhere in sight. She partly hoped Cat would be here because she needed her best friend, but if the dumb broad wanted to be with her mother, or even that stupid bitch Natalie who didn’t give a damn about her other than sex, then oh well. If Cat wanted to make the same mistakes over and over again, then that was her decision.

She meant to go straight to the hospital as soon as she got her kids settled in the backseat.

Maybe it was her ever increasing anxiety that made her lose control. She didn’t know why she did it, but she found herself in front of her old home in a matter of minutes—the opposite direction of the hospital.

Slowly, she pulled into the driveway and crossed her arms atop the steering wheel, resting her chin on her arms as she gazed at the dilapidated house.

A big, white foreclosure sign hung on the paint-peeled door. Part of the wood had been cracked from where it had been kicked in God knows how many times. The hinges were loose, and the door would probably fall with the slightest touch. The white paint on the house was chipped and molded over in some places, making the house look like it had green chicken pox. Some of the boards of the front wall were missing, leaving gaping black holes with vines growing out of them in their wakes. From what she could see of the roof, there were holes up there too.

The house was never nice looking, but two empty years had truly taken a toll on the hellish building.

Sighing deeply, she looked up into the rearview mirror at her napping twins. Flashbacks of her old life flashed before her: running across the lawn with Liam and their mother as they chased bubbles on a summer’s day; her mother’s smiling face greeting her every day after school; having to practically drag her ‘father’ across the front porch when he drank his sorrows right after his wife died; the numerous times where Liam had yanked her by the arm across the driveway before thrown her into the house, regardless of her screaming protests…

Her hand creeping through the air, she opened her car door and got out. She moved to the backseat to take her children out as well. She wanted to go outside, and there was no way in hell she’d leave them alone for a second.

Slowly, baby carriers in hands, she made her way to the front door and eased it open with her knee. Images of her family sitting on the couch while watching TV almost made her smile. But then she saw the torn and tattered furniture for what it was. Several of Liam’s sexual assaults played out before her in the living room, as well as the last encounter she ever had with Liam West, Sr.

There were still a few blood stains on the dingy white-washed carpet.

Her stomach cringed as she saw the pink-tinted spot near the door where her water had broken. She looked down at her sleeping twins and clenched her eyes shut. It had been a nightmare, but she would never give up her babies.

The stairs creaked under her feet as she made her way up to her old room. Her door was still closed like she left it, and she wondered if her dresser was still blocking the other side of it. She tried to push her door open, but it wouldn’t budge, confirming her inquiry.

Though she didn’t want to, she went in Liam’s room. She gasped at how untouched the room was. Posters of pinup girls and men in military uniforms hung on the walls. Hair products, combs, scraps of paper, and even a few neck chains were scattered all over his dresser to where she couldn’t see the wood of the large object. His bed was still messy and unmade from where she’d collapsed on it, and it looked like someone still lived here.

She turned toward the large hole in the wall that he made the night he went to jail for the first time. The hole had long since been boarded up, and the sledge hammer he had used was nowhere in sight. The boards were sloppily placed, so she figured she could kick them out of place if she tried hard enough.

Gently, she placed the baby carriers on the ground so to not wake the twins, even though they’d more than likely be woken up soon enough. Placing her hand on the crumbling part of the original wall, she lifted her foot and put as much force as possible into the kick. At first, the board she targeted didn’t budge, but she continued to kick at it with all of her energy. Darla started to cry, but her mother ignored her for the moment being.

Around the fourth kick, the board broke in half and Jade was able to push it out of the way. She did the same for the board beneath it until it too fell out. Ducking down and crawling through the small opening she made, she stood up and marveled at her room.

It was just the way she left it: the walls black with her red ceiling, her small collection of clothes strewn over the floor, her closet door still missing, and Liam’s sledgehammer lodged into the far wall.

She crouched back through the opening she made and managed to maneuver the baby carriers through it—but not before waking up her son. Once the babies were in her room, she took them out of the carriers and held them close, bouncing them slightly and humming the song her mother used to sing to her. She let out a sigh of relief when they calmed down and kissed them both on the tops of their heads.

Dragging her feet along the beige carpeting, she reached out to the convoluted, tattered sheets on her bed, her fingers just barely grazing the fabric. Closing her eyes, she crawled onto her bed with her toddlers. Putting Darla down on the bed, she grabbed the cover and pulled it over all three of them, curling into a ball and holding her arm protectively around her babies as they snuggled closer to her.

She felt pathetic, like nothing more than a cliché. She would expect this kind of situation from Tori—and the slightest chance from Cat—but she never thought it would happen to her. She was Jade freakin’ West. This was never supposed to happen.

But it had to happen to everyone, right?

She was beginning to hate herself for falling into this harlequin game, and she hated herself a little more for having a difficult time trying to get out. She almost hated herself for bringing her children back to this God-awful place, but they wouldn’t even remember it, so that put her a little at ease.

She didn’t know how long she laid there, wallowing in her own self-pity, but it made her feel slightly better when she crawled out of bed. She must have fallen asleep, but her head had cleared and she’d finally reached a conclusion. She knew she would be able to live with the consequences.

Darla and Jensen cooed quietly on the bed, crawling around beneath the covers, and Jade found it in herself to smile at them. Her twins didn’t have a care in the world. They were fine with each other, even if that was all they would ever have. But they would have more. She would give them whatever she could so they would always be happy. And seeing them so blissfully unaware of the nightmare surrounding them, their mother knew that they would be okay, regardless of any complications that may have arisen from her difficult pregnancy.

She scooped up her twins and held them tightly against her chest, letting all of her fears melt away.

She would be able to stand strong through whatever was going to happen.

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

Leaving her childhood home, this was the first time Jade had noticed her brother’s car missing from the driveway. She almost hoped it would have been there so she could have taken a baseball bat to it or sold the metallic beast. But good riddance to that hunk of scrap metal.

And as she stood in the doorway with her baby carriers at her sides, a hot pink Volkswagen pulled up beside her car. The door flew open once the car was in park and a petite brunette with large sunglasses blocking her eyes jumped out of the car.

“Yoo-hoo!” she called in a loud, obnoxious voice, waving her hand ridiculously to call for attention she already had. Her voice reminded the Goth of nails on a chalkboard, causing her to wince at each word. “You wouldn’t by any chance happen to know a Liam West, would you?” As she bounced up to the West girl during her question, her southern accent was begrudgingly present. If she kept up, Jade would probably kill her. She smiled broadly, flexing her fingers in a small wave to Darla and Jensen. “What precious little angels!”

In spite of the annoying girl before her, Jade laughed scornfully and moved her children behind her back. “I’d rather not,” she quipped. “Who the hell are you?”

“The name’s Christiane Holland Ford,” she announced with a warm, Southern welcome and an outstretched hand, despite Jade’s unpleasant company and the obvious fact that her hands were full. She lowered her hand with a slight frown when Jade refused to return the gesture. “Do you know where he is? I’ve been bending over backwards to find that boy.”

The taller girl rolled her eyes and leaned against the doorframe, being careful of Jensen’s carrier. “You might have to wait a week or two to find him,” she announced, “He’s in jail and up for parole. There’s always a chance he might not get it, though.”

Christiane scowled, nearly mimicking Jade’s signature look. “And just _who_ are you?” she asked in her thick accent. “Are you his ex-girlfriend?”

Jade laughed loudly, possibly harder than she’s ever laughed before. She laughed so hard that she almost fell backward back into her old house and almost dropped her kids. Darla laughed with her. “I’d rather die than _ever_ be his girlfriend,” she spat once she’d regained her composure. “If you’re lucky, they might let you on his visitor’s list. The jail is about thirty miles from here unless you’re too dumb to follow signs since you’re clearly dumb enough to think I’d date my own brother. Or is that common where you’re from?” She walked past the little brunette to her car and ripped the door open after setting Jensen’s carrier on the ground. “I’ve got more important places to be.”

Christiane crossed her arms with a deep-rooted grimace as she watched her new nemesis situate the precious angels and get in her dinky car before driving off. This Southern Belle hated people like Jade more than anything in the world. She felt disrespected, and she was damn sure that she would get back at the ill-mannered grunch.

She would have the last laugh.

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

She should have called Beck again.

She should have waited until he could be there with her to take her son to the hospital. She didn't beg, but she needed him with her. She needed him to hold her hand, to kiss her temple and whisper in her ear that everything was going to be okay. She desperately clung to the terrible feeling that everything wasn't going to be okay, so she needed him to lean on.

Every newfound strength she gathered when she held her twins in her arms in her old home vanished the second she set foot into the hospital.

She didn't know how to deal with Miss Haggerty's words. What if her son really couldn't hear? What if he had somehow managed to get an ear infection and she hadn't noticed? She would die before she let anyone say that she didn't love or neglected her children, but she knew that she hadn't given them as much attention as she should have lately; with her brother always terrorizing the back of her mind and refusing to let her sleep—on top of trying to etch out some time for her fiancé—Jade realized that she could have missed something in her son.

But if he had an ear infection, he'd cry, right? She'd never had one before, but she assumed they were painful. Cat never noticed anything either…

But what if she had?

Cat had been looking after the twins a lot lately, and what if she noticed something wrong with Jensen? She was known for forgetting things, and maybe that's what happened. If anything was wrong with Jade's son, it was that little bi—!

 _Stop_ , Jade scolded herself.  _You have no right to blame Cat; you left him with her so you're to blame._

But she couldn't help it. She needed someone to blame for this, something to make her feel better. Blaming herself would only make her feel worse.

She took them to see Dr. Feldman—the doctor with thinning grey hair, tired facial features, and crackling voice who alerted the police of her situation two years ago—in the hopes that he would be able to figure out what was wrong with her son. He was just about the only doctor she would trust with her kids.

After a thirty minute wait, the doctor came into the room where Jade sat with her twins and smiled at her. “Good afternoon, Miss West,” he greeted with his cracking smile. “It's been a while.”

She crossed her arms and bounced her knee repeatedly. “There's something wrong with my son,” she announced, skipping the formalities and getting straight to the point.

The doctor pulled out the rolling chair from the desk beside the examination table and sat in front of the mother and her children. “What seems to be the problem?”

“He’s having hearing issues,” she answered. “I want to get his ears checked to make sure he doesn't have an infection.”

“Alright,” the older man noted. “I'll just need to run a few small tests, including a little blood work, and we'll make sure Jensen is just fine.” He smiled at the little boy picking at his sister's clothes on the floor, his chubby legs exposed by his sister's fluffy black dress.

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

Beck was jetlagged, but that didn't stop him from hopping into his truck as soon as he got back to his parents' house. He had gotten very little sleep the night before and felt weird trying to sleep on the plane, but now he was completely awake with anticipation. He even fought back jitters as his fingers drummed on the steering wheel.

He was ready to see his son and daughter, especially his fiancée.

The weekend had been a long one, specifically because of the fight he'd gotten into with Jade, but she greeted him with an apologetic-for-Jade voicemail. He was ready to pick her up, kiss her until his lips turned blue, and even get down on his knees if he had to. He would never let her doubt ever again his love for her. Saying that he missed her was an understatement, and he forced himself not to go over the speed limit.

When he pulled down the dirt path to the home he'd bought with his and his parents' money, he smiled.

Just a few more steps and Jade would be in his arms again.

As soon as he unbuckled his seatbelt, his phone rang in his pocket, playing an 8-bit rendition of one of his favorite Michael Jackson songs. When he pulled out his cell, he smiled at the picture of him kissing Jade that he set as her contact icon. She probably heard him coming down the driveway.

“I’m about to walk in the door,” he told her lovingly as he answered the phone.

_“I need you to come to the hospital,” she pleaded quietly between sobs._

Beck's smile fell and he shot up straight in his seat. Crap, he’d been so excited about seeing her that he forgot about the hospital. “What’s wrong?” he asked, slight fear in his voice. “Is Jen okay?”

_“Just hurry up and get here, Beck,” she whispered, sadness weighing down her voice. “I’m in room 110.”_

She hung up without telling him that she loved him, and his chest contracted slightly. His breathing faltered, burdened by worry. Thousands of horrible scenarios raced through his mind, all involving near-death experiences. What if something else had happened and it wasn’t about Jensen at all?

He forced himself to take a deep breath.  _Calm down_ , he told himself,  _Think about this._ _It's something serious, but no one's dead. No one's dead. No one's hurt._

With a shaking hand, he called Cat. It was selfish of him, but he hoped that whatever was going on had happened to her instead of his family. He didn't wish anything bad on her, don't get him wrong, but he would probably lose his mind if something had happened to Jade or the twins.

It seemed like it took forever for her to answer the phone, so he started pulling out of his driveway while the phone continued to ring. And just as he was about to hang up when he was back on the main road, the sound of laughter filled his ear.

_“Hi, Beck!” Cat exclaimed happily. “Are you home yet?”_

“I’m on my way to the hospital,” he stated, not mimicking her happiness.

_She gasped on the other end. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”_

“I’m fine,” he said. “You're not with Jade?”

_“No,” she answered. “I’m at Natalie’s house. What’s going on?”_

“I'm about to find out,” he assured her as he sped down the road, going ten miles over the speed limit. “Just keep hanging out with your friend. I’ll call you when I find out.”

_“Kay, kay,” the little redhead acknowledged glumly. “Talk to you later.”_

Beck hung up his phone and dropped it into the passenger's seat, putting both hands on the wheel and trying not to break into a panic attack.

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

Before he knew it, Beck was running through the hospital, trying to get to Room 110. Orderlies, nurses, and even a janitor called out to him, telling him to slow down, but he didn't listen to them.

He had to get to Jade.

When he burst through the door where his fiancée told him to go, he saw her sitting in a little blue chair, hunched and crying over Jensen while Darla played with a noise making baby book.

Jade looked up at him with tear and mascara-stained eyes and stood up, clinging to Jensen while he looked around absentmindedly.

“What’s wrong?” Beck questioned in a hushed whisper. “Is anyone hurt?”

Jade shook her head solemnly.

From behind, Dr. Feldman placed a hand on Beck's shoulder. “Maybe you should have a seat, Mr. Oliver,” he announced as the young father looked over his shoulder with an anxious gaze. He ushered him into the small examination room and the young couple sat together, Jade pressing herself close to her fiancé as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and bounced his knee impatiently.

The grey-haired doctor sat in the leather rolling chair directly across from them. “Miss West brought your son in for hearing problems,” he announced.

Beck looked to Jade who refused to meet his eyes.

“When I checked both of his ears,” Dr. Feldman continued, “I wasn’t able to find a problem. But I did some blood work and we were able to get a neural scan of Jensen’s head. There were damaged nerves just above both ears, but the blood work alerted us to the damages being caused by X-linked Congenial Hearing Loss.”

“What does that mean?” the Oliver boy asked nervously. “Can you fix it?”

Dr. Feldman pursed his lips. “To put it simply,” he started, “Your son has lost part of his ability to hear due to genetics and, in time, may lose his hearing altogether.” He ruffled through the stack of papers he held in his hand. He pulled out a yellow sheet of paper and handed it to the younger man. “This is a more detailed look at what X-linked Congenial Hearing Loss is, as well as how to help a child living with the disorder. The disorder is usually passed down from the mother, whether or not she has a history of deafness in her family.”

Jade shuddered against him, another gut-wrenching sob escaping her lips. He rubbed her arm in a weak attempt to soothe her.

“Signs of the disorder tend to emerge before six months of age,” Dr. Feldman stated. “When the disorder is caught before six months, the child is able to learn communication skills, verbal and non-verbal, just as well as a hearing peer.” He held up his hand when he noticed the distraught look on Beck's face. “The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act allows your child to receive interdisciplinary assessment as well as early intervention services at no substantial fee; considering your socioeconomic dispositions, this aid should be free or roughly around one hundred dollars. After age three, your son will be given all of those benefits for free through the public school system."

“But is there any way we could fix his hearing?” the young father asked, grinding his teeth after the question.

“There are a number of options,” the doctor answered with a small smile. “At this point in your son's life, you can opt to have him simply have a hearing aid, similar to one that a person who loses their hearing later on in life would receive. You also have the option of giving your son a Cochlear Implant through surgery, which won't be costly in your case. Considering the degree of your son's condition, a CI would be the best route. And it would be good to go ahead and decide within the next month what way you would want to communicate with your son."

“Will we be able to teach him sign language?” Jade asked meekly, wiping blackened tears from her eye with a sniffle.

Dr. Feldman nodded. “If you wish,” he commented, “You can teach your son—and even your daughter—sign language, which could possibly take the pressure of communication off your son. You can still teach him to verbally speak, which would be advised if you choose to do the surgery. I can recommend you to a speech-language pathologist who will be able to work closely with both of you to teach your son to speak as well as a normal hearing person. Speech-language pathologists are rather pricy, regardless of socioeconomic status, and it is one-hundred percent possible to teach your son to speak and sign as well as a normal hearing child.”

Beck looked to Jade who looked down at Jensen, stroking his hair slightly. Neither of them wanted this for their child, but there was hope for him. He had no doubt that he wanted to get the implant for his son if it meant he could be closer to living a normal life, but it would ultimately be Jade's decision.

“How soon can we get the surgery?” she asked quietly, keeping her eyes on her son as he sucked his fingers. A small tear fell on his head, but he didn't seem to notice.

“I can schedule the surgery as soon as possible today,” he assured her. “It will only take a few hours, but we’ll need your son to stay overnight to monitor his recovery. He may have to stay for more than one night, however, but he’ll receive the best care.”

Jade sniffled again and rubbed her eyes. “We’ll do it.”

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

Only Jade was allowed in the surgery room, and that was because the surgeons were scared of her and Dr. Feldman greatly sympathized with her. Beck was told to stay in the waiting room while Jensen's operation commenced, much to his dismay.

At first, he began to pace back at forth with anticipation, but the receptionists and nurses used this as their chance to flirt with him, so he had to force himself to stay seated. As he waited for what seemed like an eternity, he perked up when he saw Caroline Harris enter the hospital.

“Mrs. Harris?” he called, standing up.

Caroline turned around at the sound of her name and smiled weakly when she saw her son’s best friend. Her eyes were tired and bloodshot, like she'd been crying for hours. Her makeup was completely intact considering the time of day, as if she'd fixed it up or just applied more of it. Her short, dark hair, which always seemed to be in immaculate form, had strands flying left and right from the tiny bun at the nape of her neck. Her clothes were slightly disheveled, which shocked him most.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, walking up to her.

“It will be,” she breathed. “Andre just isn’t himself right now.”

“What happened?” he questioned, his voice filling with fear for the second time that day.

Andre’s mother frowned. “I found him last night after I got off work and he wouldn’t wake up when I tried to get him to come to dinner,” she explained. She pressed her lips tightly together for a moment, suppressing a sob. “I…had to bring him here last night and they said he'd tried to…” The hidden sob in her throat exploded inside of her and she covered her mouth to stifle it, cutting herself off.

“Andre wouldn't do that,” Beck denied, realizing what she was telling him.

“I just don’t know anymore,” she whispered. “I haven’t seen him in so long and he’s been so distant lately. I think it may have to do with the girl he was seeing—I can't think of her name—because I had to call her to tell her she was allowed to visit, but she wouldn’t pick up the phone. I’m worried that they might have broken up and he took it pretty hard; she means the world to him.”

“I’ll see if I can call Tori,” he told her. “I’ll…find out what’s going on. Just tell Andre I hope he’s okay.”

Mrs. Harris smiled weakly. “Andre needs more friends like you,” she told him before walking away. Once she was out of sight, Beck pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed Tori.

One ring…

Two rings…

Three rings…

_“Hello?” Tori called in a hushed whisper._

“Tori,” he called in a normal tone. “Where are you? Andre’s mom’s been trying to call you. What are you doing?”

_“No she hasn’t,” she denied, keeping her voice low. “Andre called me five times today, but I don’t want to talk to him. We're…spending some time apart.” In the background, Beck heard a soft, man’s groan, followed by—presumably—Tori shushing the guy._

He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. “How long have you two been broken up?” he questioned pointedly.

_“Since Tuesday,” she responded meekly._

He sneered slightly, gripping his knee out of anger. “Andre’s here at the hospital,” he spat. “His mom thinks he tried to kill himself.”

_“What?” she cried in disbelief. “What hap—?”_

He hung up before she could finish her question, unwilling to listen to her false worry. He knew there was no way that she could possibly care about him, especially with that mystery man in the background. If she loved Andre, she wouldn’t have rebounded so quickly, especially not the day after she kicked her boyfriend of nearly two years out of her home. How did she even find the time to find a new guy? It had to be someone she already knew, right?

All Tori did was hurt him. And now she was pretending to care?

She was pathetic.

Dr. Feldman rounded the corner and Beck stood up, putting Tori and Andre to the side for a moment. “Is everything okay?” he questioned anxiously.

The doctor nodded with a wide smile. “The surgery went well and we’ve done the frequency tuning already. He loves his mother’s voice.” He nodded his head to the door he came out of. “This way, please.”

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

Jade paced in the hospital room where her son would be staying the night. Darla would be staying with her father for the night, but she crawled around the hospital room for the time being, picking at anything she could grab.

She was allowed in the operating room with her daughter, but after some deliberation, she wasn't sure she'd want to be there. Seeing her son, so vulnerable and small, broke her in ways she never imagined possible; she knew she wouldn't be able to keep her composure while they tried their best to cure her son, and that was why she didn't choose to be there for the surgery.

After a while, she lost track of time.

By the time a rut started to form in the floor and Darla had curled up into a ball for a nap, Dr. Feldman entered the room with a nurse carrying Jensen as he screamed and cried his lungs out. Jade shot a pointed look to the nurse and quickly took her son from her, fighting the urge to attack the young woman.

“Jade,” Dr. Feldman began over Jensen’s wailing, “The surgery went well, but we need to adjust the frequency of his implant to make sure the surgery was a success.”

“So why didn’t you do it already?” the angry mother spat, bouncing her son gently.

“We felt it would be best to have you in the room,” the doctor explained, unfazed by her hostility. “Jensen is more likely to respond to his mother’s voice than mine or a nurse’s; it’s highly likely that he’s heard your voice before and is already attuned to it, so it’s best to do the tuning with you speaking to him.”

“What do I do?” Jade asked in a calmer tone.

Another nurse came in, wheeling in large machine full of technology she had never seen before. “We’ll need you to sit down on the bed,” he instructed. “Talk to your son in a normal tone of voice and try to soothe him.” He picked up a wire connected to a small metal device and placed it above Jensen’s black implant placed directly behind his ear. “I’ll keep adjusting the frequency of his device until he responds to you.”

Reluctantly, she moved over to the bed and sat down with her son, being careful not to bounce him too hard as she sat down.

The old man stood over by the large machinery and turned it on. “Try talking to him,” he advised.

She skeptically opened her mouth, trying to think of something to say. She wasn’t used to her son crying, nor was she used to trying to soothe him in front of other people. “It’s…okay,” she said slowly and somewhat awkwardly. “You’ll…be fine.”

Jensen continued to cry and Dr. Feldman pursed his lips as he turned a dial on the machine.

“Please stop crying,” Jade begged quietly. “I know it hurts, but you’ll be okay.”

Her son still cried and his mother began to worry. What if this didn’t work? What if he would never hear her again?

“Try again,” the doctor ordered as he turned up the dial. “Don't worry, Jade; this will work.”

She sighed and kissed Jensen's forehead. “It’s going to be okay,” she assured him, regardless of if he could hear her, and oblivious to Dr. Feldman continuing to adjust the dial. “Mommy will love you no matter what.”

Abruptly, he stopped crying and looked at his mother in awe, his face puffy and covered in drying tears.

She smiled in disbelief. “Did you hear me?” she questioned, excitement laced in her voice.

His face lit up and he laughed loudly, reaching for his mother's hair. She laughed in disbelief and her eyes began to well up. Knowing her son could finally hear her sent a new sense of life coursing through her body. For the three hours that she feared her son would never hear his mother or anything else, the weight was finally lifted and she knew her son would have a better chance at a normal life.

Dr. Feldman said something, but she was too engrossed in talking to Jensen to notice. Being able to talk to her son, to have him listen to her without having to raise her voice, felt amazing. Between talking to him and kissing his forehead, Jade couldn't get enough of her son; she couldn't take her eyes off him as he smiled and bounced playfully. Jensen would smile wider and laugh a little more every time Jade spoke to him, and it amazed her how much joy he could find in her voice.

So of course there was that nagging thought of how long it had been since he last heard her…

Not long after, Beck entered the room and noticed his daughter on the floor. He smiled and picked her up. Darla didn't seem to mind and snuggled against her father, resting her head in the crevice of his neck and shoulder with her thumb in her mouth. He moved slowly with his daughter in tow over to his fiancée.

“How is he?” he asked, looking from Jade to Jensen with a hopeful smile.

She smiled slightly as their son turned to look at his father with the same awe he’d given his mother. “He likes my voice,” she answered with hushed happiness. Jensen turned back to her with a wide, tiny-toothed grin and leaned against her chest. She placed a protective hand on his cheek and kissed the top of his head. “I still can’t believe it; it’s…it’s like that worrying we did earlier doesn’t even matter anymore.”

Her fiancé’s lips twitched. “We’ll have to keep a close eye on him, though,” he pointed out. “Are we going to try and teach him sign language?”

She sighed softly. “I guess we can,” she replied. “We can teach Darla, too. It won’t be easy for him not being able to hear well, so he may like being able to see people talking to him.”

He sat on the bed and smiled at her. “We can do this,” he assured her. “I’ll do whatever I can to make sure our son lives a happy life. And I promise that no matter what, I’ll be more understanding. I know how big a deal your brother is for you, and I promise I’ll remember that. I love you and the twins more than I love my own life, Jade; I’d do anything for all of you.”

She leaned over and kissed him softly. “I love you,” she breathed.

He smiled back at her. “I love you, too.”

* * *

_Try to convince me that I'm not drowning._

* * *

 

Begrudgingly, Beck left Jade and the twins at the hospital in order to go home and pick up some overnight clothes for Jade and Jensen. Beck thought it would be good if Darla stayed the night, too, but Jade didn’t want to expose her to the hospital that much. But for now, she would nap by her mother and brother on the hospital bed.

When he got home, he found Robbie lying on the couch. The awkward boy shot up with excitement when the door opened, but his face fell when he recognized his friend in the doorway. “Hey,” he greeted dejectedly.

“Hey, man,” Beck greeted back as he entered the house. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Robbie sighed, keeping his eyes on his lap. He looked up at Beck with pleading eyes. “Do you know where Cat is? She hasn’t answered any of my texts and she should be home by now.”

Beck grimaced slightly, feeling bad for his friend. “She’s with this girl named Natalie," he announced. “I texted her earlier and said that I'd pick her up when she's ready to come home. You can go with me if you want.”

“Really?!” Robbie exclaimed, his face lighting up.

Beck laughed slightly. “Yeah,” he answered. “But I’ll have to come back for you. I’m on my way back to the hospital after I pick up some clothes for Jade.”

“Is everything okay?”

Beck nodded. “It will be,” he answered. “Jensen…I’ll tell you about it later when I come back to pick you up, okay?”

“Okay,” Robbie responded, his enthusiasm deflated. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later,” Beck nodded off as he dashed up the stairs.

Robbie sighed, lying back down on the couch. The ring in his pocket seemed to pull him down further into the cushion, threatening to swallow him whole along with his sadness.

He was beginning to think Cat was avoiding him. He didn’t get to talk to her much and she usually tried to spend as little time as possible with him. She always seemed distracted around him, almost like she wanted to be somewhere else.

What if she wanted to break up with him? What if she wasn’t happy with him anymore? What if she was bored? He’d done all he could to make sure she was happy and he’d bend over backwards for Cassie, but what if it wasn't enough? If so, she had the perfect idea for an anniversary gift.

Would she really throw away all that they’d been through in the past two years?


	7. Zombie Dance

* * *

_"_ _I love the way that you bleed; it's dripping over me. My tongue is loving the taste of skin between my teeth. It's like a dead masquerade, so come and dance with me. My flesh, it starts to decay; I'm dropping to my knees…” – Escape the Fate_

* * *

 

**Three weeks later.**

When it came to Natalie, Cat had a hard time saying no.

She kept telling herself that after she got her birth control, she would spend more time at home; she promised herself that she would be with Robbie more. But Natalie had a way of convincing her otherwise.

Maybe it was the gleam in her bright blue eyes that reminded her of Jade and the rare occasions where she would smile—her favorite memory being when they when to Six Flags when they were eight and Jade kept genuinely laughing at how scared the then-brunette was—or maybe it was the insanely inviting pucker of her always ruby lips. When Cat was younger, her brother used to call her a little doll, but Natalie’s porcelain skin and her otherworldly features made her out to be a living doll, and Cat couldn’t help but want to play with her.

She wasn’t much for putting her foot down (much due to her non-confrontational behavior), so she spent as much time at home as she did with Natalie. And in the past week, she noticed Jade growing increasingly annoyed with her bi-diurnal absences. It almost made her scared to go home out of fear of the Gothic mother exploding on her.

However, she was determined to go home more than she went with her delinquent friend.

So instead of taking her normal seat in the front of her French class, Cat opted for one of the empty seats in the back. She kept her head low, hoping Natalie wouldn’t see her, but it didn’t occur to her that her red velvet locks would stand out like a sore thumb.

She was busy scanning her notebook, rewriting the last of her notes to prepare for the oncoming quiz. She’d done virtually no studying, what with running around with Cassie, helping her mom decorate her new condo in Verona Beach, making sure the last of her brother’s honeymoon plans wouldn’t fall through after he personally asked her to help, as well as the constant partying with Natalie.

She was burnt out, but she brought it on herself.

“I didn’t peg you for a back of the class kind of girl,” the tall, obsidian-haired vixen quipped as she took the free seat beside the redhead.

“I’m really tired,” Cat lied as she kept rewriting her notes. Normally, she hated lying, but now she didn’t feel so bad about lying to Natalie. “I don’t want the teacher to see if I fall asleep.”

“Well it isn’t my fault,” Natalie announced, a hint of resentment in her voice. “Are you staying with me tonight?”

“I don’t know,” the redhead hummed sadly.

“Come on,” Natalie urged. “You haven't been over in a few days. I'm starting to miss you.”

So Natalie had feelings for her, too? Is that what she meant by ‘I’m starting to miss you?’ If so, Cat definitely knew she couldn’t spend any more nights with her sultry friend It was bad enough that the feelings that were meant for boys were being spent on this new girl that reminded her far too much of her best friend, but it was worse when that girl requited those unnatural feelings. She was meant to be with Robbie; it was natural, it was sweet, it was loving, and it was _right_. Being with Natalie—or Jade…or any other girl, for that matter—was wrong. She wasn’t supposed to like girls, even if her mother said it was okay. _Her mother_ didn’t date girls, didn’t marry a girl, and didn’t have kids with a girl. Cat understood that she could never raise Cassie with Natalie, and she could never have more kids with Natalie, should she ever want them.

She had no choice but to be faithful to Robbie, and she couldn’t do that in another girl’s bed.

 “I really can't,” the tiny redhead whispered.

“Why not?” the raven-haired temptress questioned. But there was something else in her voice that Cat couldn't quit put her finger on. It sounded...irritated, maybe? Worried? Jealous? Resentful? She just couldn't tell.

But whatever it was, she didn't like it.

“I need to be home,” she stated meekly.

“Alright, class,” Dr. Beasom announced as he strolled into the room, “Put away all materials except for your pencil and a scantron. We'll begin the quiz shortly.”

“Joey scored some strawberry kush,” Natalie whispered excitedly as she rustled through her bag for her scantron. “It's some really good weed.”

“Quizzes are out,” the teacher stated with a hint of annoyance, “No more talking.”

“Smoke with us,” the delinquent urged in her hushed whispered.

Cat bit her lip in deliberation. This girl was so persistent! And she was offering something that the tiny mother really wanted. She hadn't smoked in a week and she really missed the bubbly feeling and the amazing dreams she had after smoking. Robbie never wanted to smoke, and Jade was heavily against it because her father used to do it all the time and she would come to school with her clothes smelling funny.

She kept her eyes on the teacher, watching him intently to make sure he wouldn't catch her talking.

She sighed deeply. “Okay.”

* * *

_Girl, you know you got me on pins and needles._

* * *

Cat hardly spoke on the ride back to her house, lost in her thoughts. She kept thinking about how there was still time to tell Natalie that she didn’t want to stay with her anymore. There was still time to put her foot down and say that she needed to be home where she belonged.

But then again, she really wanted to get high, to feel happy again.

It had been a long while since she'd really been happy, and getting high brought her back to that ray of happiness she had before her Junior year of high school when everything in her world came tumbling down. She never told Jade, but Liam had troubled her; he had opened her eyes to real terror, letting her know that the world wasn't as perfect as she once thought. It was depressing, and she could never let go of it. She couldn't be herself anymore, so that led to difficulties in her schoolwork and the downfall of her relationship with someone she truly loved.

She was stressed with school and relationships. Robbie would never smoke with her, and Jade was vehemently against it because her father used to do it a lot right after her mother died. Tori was too much of a goodie-goodie to ever smoke weed, so that was out of the question. Daniel liked to smoke, but she hadn’t spoken to him in a while, and that’s the way she wanted it to stay.

She hated being unhappy, and she’d been that way as soon as she found out she was pregnant. She would never wish she didn’t have Cassie, but she didn’t think it would be this hard to have a child. She hated being scared to have sex with her boyfriend, someone she loved; the birth control was supposed to help with her fear, but she hadn’t been home enough to even think about being intimate with him.

Marijuana was her escape.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” the redhead announced quietly as she unbuckled Cassie’s carrier from the back seat.

“I’ll be waiting,” Natalie smirked, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel.

Cat hummed sadly and quietly to herself as she slowly made her way to the front door, Cassie’s carrier pressed tightly against her. Her knuckles were starting to whiten with strain, but despite her knees bumping against the carrier as she walked, the toddler slept soundly. Her stomach churned with anxiety and she wasn’t sure if her scrambled eggs were going to make a reappearance.

The lack of Jade’s car in the driveway put her slightly at ease, but she wasn’t entirely sure if Robbie would be home since he occasionally got rides.

It wasn’t until she closed the door that she noticed Jade glaring at her from the couch with crossed arms and legs.

“H-hi, Jade,” the tiny mother stuttered.

“Why do you look so guilty, Cat?” the Goth asked in a loaded tone. “Are you going back out there after you leave your kid and pretend you’re not even her mother?”

“I’m not leaving her!” Cat cried. “She just needs to spend more time with the twins.”

“So you can run around with that slut out there?” Jade fired. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You’re out nearly every night with her and you’re hardly ever home. Are you fucking her? Does Robbie know you’re cheating on him? Don’t tell me she hasn’t tried to do anything with you, Cat; she looks like a fucking dyke!”

“She looks like you!” the petite girl spat back, the intensity of her voice frightening her.

“ _Oh_ ,” the alabaster scream queen uttered in offense. She shot up from the couch, stamping her feet. “Who the hell do you think you are? You have a boyfriend who loves you and would do anything for you, friends who actually give a damn about you when no one else will, and a kid who _needs_ you! But despite _all of that_ , you want to go sneaking around with someone who wants nothing more to _fuck_ you because he sees you as some trophy to be stolen since you have a fiancé and wouldn’t even give you the time of day otherwise!”

She slapped her arms in front of her chest, digging her nails into her bare arms and clenching her eyes shut among pursed lips, as if she regretted what she said.

“Jade?” Cat called after a brief silence. She almost didn’t speak at all out of fear of being crushed by the unfaltering tension should she even breathe.

“Get out!” her friend exploded. She pointed one of her black claws at the stairwell. “Pack up your shit and leave. If Natalie cares about you more than I do, more than Beck does, and especially more than your own goddamn boyfriend does, then you can just take your ungrateful ass out of this house and go live with her! If she cares about you as much as you _naively_ think she does, then she would have no problem with you living with her!”

“Y-you can’t kick me out…” Cat stammered sheepishly.

“Oh, I can’t?” Jade scoffed. “What are you gonna do about it, huh? You need to get your life together and you’re obviously too stupid to do that here!”

“Well maybe you should mind your own business!” Cat fired back, finding her voice. She put Cassie’s carrier down and crossed her arms. “You’re so mean lately! If I were Beck, I wouldn’t have come back when you threw me out. Maybe if you were nicer, he would love you like Natalie loves me!”

Jade scoffed ruefully, rolling her eyes and looking away to chuckle. “You think she _loves_ you?” she snarled, meeting her friend’s eyes. “You haven’t even known her for half a semester and you think she loves you? She only wants to fuck you; that’s all _anyone’s_ ever wanted to do, but you’re too goddamn stupid to realize that. That stupid bitch out in that car is taking advantage of you, trying to tear you away from the only person who wants to build a life with you, the only person who will wait until you’re ready to have sex, just like he’s been doing for the past two years!”

With that, she stormed over to the steps and clogged up them, making her way to Cat’s room. She ripped the door open and looked down at Cat with fire in her eyes. “Hurry up and pack up and get the hell out of my sight!” she screeched. “If Natalie _really_ loves you, then she’ll just _love_ it when you move in with her.”

Then she thundered off to her room, slamming her door loudly.

* * *

_Girl, you know you got me on pins and needles._

* * *

Her heels clicked loudly on the pavement as she stormed back to Natalie’s Escalade, crammed suitcase in one hand and her fussing daughter’s carrier in the other. Her mascara left black stains down her face as tears continued to poor.

She knew she was wrong for entertaining Natalie and her own selfish needs, and now it had cost her the best friend she would ever have and the home she thought she’d raise her daughter in. Jade was right; she was stupid for being with Natalie. But she was also wrong; Natalie hadn’t done anything to imply that she wanted to have sex, and she would wait to do so if Cat wanted it. Natalie would give her the space she needed if and when Cat ever wanted to be intimate with her.

And now, that she had been forced out of her home, Jade would no doubt tell Robbie what happened. He would undoubtedly break up with her. Natalie was all she had. So, if Natalie wanted to have sex with her, then Cat wouldn’t make her wait much longer.

“Are you okay?” Natalie questioned as the redhead situated Cat in the backseat. “What’s with the suitcase? I thought you only wanted to stay one night.”

“No,” Cat whispered, whipping at her eyes once she’d shoved the suitcase into the seat. “I got kicked out and now I have nowhere to stay.”

“Oh,” Natalie breathed distantly, turning back around in her seat and grasping the steering wheel firmly. There was a brief silence as Cat moved to the front seat. She kept her eyes forward and waited until the redhead got situated before saying, “I guess you can stay with me if you want.”

* * *

_Girl, you know you got me on pins and needles._

* * *

**9 pm.**

“Is Joey coming over?” Cat asked from her spot on Natalie’s black leather sofa. She twirled her thumbs nervously while her friend sat on her knees at the coffee table, packing marijuana into cigarillo papers. She’d changed out of her black skinnies and white blouse, into light blue shorts that barely covered half of her bottom and a white tank top that flashed a gratuitous amount of cleavage to her redheaded guest.

“No,” she whispered whit a slight shake of the head a small, reassuring smile. Onyx tresses fell from her ponytail. She pushed them behind her ear and looked to the redhead with a smirk beneath warm eyes. If she planned on seducing the young girl, it was most certainly working.

“It’s just you and me, Kitty.”

The tiny girl looked on in curiosity as Natalie returned her attention to the weed. She felt nervous being alone with the delinquent while they smoked since she’d grown accustomed to having Joey there with her, but she reminded herself that Natalie loved her. She had to keep telling herself that if she was going to survive being kicked out of the only other home she’d ever known.

“This is different than what we normally smoke,” Natalie announced as she put the freshly rolled cigarillo to her lips. She seemed like a natural as she lit it and took in a deep breath, and it did little to ease Cat’s nervousness. She held in the smoke as she leaned over the coffee table—further accentuating her ample bosom—and held the blunt outstretched to the skeptical girl on her couch.

Here it was.

She had been waiting a like time—what seemed like an eternity—to get high again, to lose all of her worries, to be momentarily happy.

So why was she so scared?

She didn’t like Joey that much (mainly because she didn’t like being around guys that weren’t Robbie, Beck, or her brother) but it felt normal to smoke with him. She knew Natalie would never hurt her, but she was afraid of what they might do. Until now, she’d only had her delusions of this unfathomably beautiful friend returning her strange feelings. Now, she had no doubt that careless beauty wanted her the way she wanted Robbie, and even Jade could confirm it.

Somewhat reluctantly, Cat took the blunt and mimicked her friend. The smoke tingled in her mouth as a strong burst of strawberry danced down her esophagus; it almost reminded her of her mother’s Strawberry Pillow Cakes, and the yearning for something familiar burned her throat.

Despite the burning, she held the smoke for as long as she could, letting it out in a loud exhale when the burning became unbearable, quickly followed by an equally loud gasped. She quickly wiped away tears and coughed a little while Natalie lout a small stream of tiny giggles and smoke.

“Hit it again,” the girl with atramentous locks urged, nodding her head approvingly.

Instead of saying ‘no’ like she should have, Cat took another hit. She was already beginning to feel lightheaded and her skin started to bubble, like her blood was boiling beneath her face. She felt warm, and she didn’t. And as she held her breath and passed the blunt back, she felt a headache coming on.

“I don’t really like this,” she whispered letting out a large cloud of smoke as she spoke. “I think I’m just gonna go take a bath and go to bed…”

“You sure?” her friend questioned, her voice strained as she took in more air without release.

The redhead nodded and stood up, quickly losing her balance and falling back onto the couch with a loud plop. Natalie burst out laughing and put the cigarillo out in the ash tray before slowly pushing herself up.

“Easy there, Kitten,” she breathed, steadily making her way to the doe-eyed girl on her couch. She outstretched her hand and Cat readily took it, desperate to get somewhere she could feel comfortable.

When they got to the bathroom, Natalie sat her on the edge of the tub and turned on the water. She held her hand under the faucet, turning the temperature knob with the other to get the water just right. When she was done, she stood and helped her swaying guest to her feet. She placed her hands at the base of the petite girl’s dress, eliciting a small gasp.

“What are you doing?” Cat asked, her eyes glazing over.

“I’m helping you undress,” Natalie answered quietly with a small chuckle. “You can’t even stand still.”

As she started to slide the yellow fabric over Cat’s thighs, the young mother placed her hands on Natalie’s wrists to stop her.

“Girls shouldn’t see each other naked,” she murmured nervously.

“It’s okay, Kitten,” the provocative girl assured her, pressing a cool hand on her cheek. And beneath her hand, the bubbling stopped, bringing a small sense of clarity and security.

Slowly, Natalie took off Cat’s yellow sundress, keeping her deep blue eyes locked on her skeptical friend’s. The shorter girl didn’t put up a fight as her bra was removed, but she shivered slightly as the temptress ran her fingers along her bare shoulders.

Cat held her breath as Natalie took off her panties, but said nothing. She exhaled quietly as she was helped into the water. Her head felt calmer now, more relaxed; beneath the water, her skin settled. She closed her eyes and smiled softly.

Then her breathing hitched as Natalie pressed soft, supple lips to her own. They moved gently against hers, but she was too shocked to do anything else but move her lips along with the rhythm. It felt sweet and right, like kissing Robbie, and it felt like what she thought it would to kiss Jade.

She heard the displacement of the bath water, but it wasn’t until Natalie slid her hand between her legs that her body stiffened.

“Relax,” Natalie whispered, feeling the tiny girl’s body tense. “I’m gonna take good care of you.” She brought her lips back to the redhead who refused to open her eyes and ran her finger along her clit beneath the water.

Dazed and confused by the pleasure, her breathe came out in shallow puffs in the kiss. Her body bucked slightly as Natalie rubbed her clit faster, causing the water to lap around her. She let out a small squeak against ruby red lips as she felt a hand on her right breast lightly pinching her nipple.

No one had ever done these things to her before, but she wished they had. The pleasure she felt in this girl’s touch was unlike anything she’d ever felt before, and she never wanted it to stop.

She continued to imagine it was Jade touching her this way, and she had the desperate urge to return the favor.

Uncontrolled moans escaped her lips into the kiss, and she could feel the upward curve of Jade’s mouth as she smirked. Involuntarily, her back arched and she let out louder moans, unable to do anything else as her orgasm took over. Instantly, her headache disappeared and she felt calm.

She felt happy.

Then she felt the loss of touch and her eyes forced open. “Where are you going?” she asked in her airy voice as Natalie stood.

“I’ll be right back,” she promised, leaving without another word.

Cat sighed sadly and silently, sinking into the water until it reached her chin.

Before she realized what she was doing, her hand slid down her bare body slowly. She propped up her legs, her knees barely poking out of the water, and placed her hand where Natalie had. She watched her own hand in inquiry, wondering if she could give herself the pleasure that others could give her.

Like Natalie had done, she rubbed her clit up and down with her index finger lightly, feeling small inklings of pleasure. With her free hand, she cupped her right breast and massaged it, running her palm across her hardening nipple. She grew hungry for pleasure, so she began to rub faster, using her finger to circle to key to her pleasure. She let out shallow breaths as her body writhed slightly in the water.

She gasped when she felt another hand on top of hers, guiding her lower. Her eyes shot open to find Natalie sitting beside her once more, this time sans clothing.

“It’s no fun if you play without me,” she quipped with a devious smirk.

Unsure of what to say, Cat didn’t speak. She did, however gasp when Natalie forced her to slide two fingers inside of herself. She gripped her breast a little tighter as Natalie gripped her wrist and moved it back and forth, pulling her fingers in and out. She let out small whimpers at the new sensation.

“I have something for you,” the raven-haired girl told her quietly as she released the redhead’s hand. She stood up and Cat’s eyes bulged at the well-endowed strap-on around her waist.

“W-what’s that?” she stammered. “Aren’t boys supposed to have those?”

Natalie nodded. “Sometimes girls have them too,” she explained. “And they help other girls feel better. I only want to make you feel good, Cat.”

“I don’t know,” the tiny girl said, bringing her knees to her chest to preserve her modesty.

“It’s okay,” her friend assured her. “It’s just to help you feel better. You deserve it after the day you’ve had.”

For a moment, Cat looked away nervously, unsure if she should say no. The fuzziness from the weed was returning, and it seemed like Natalie’s touch was the only thing that could get rid of it. And why would Natalie lie to her?

“O-okay,” she finally stuttered out sheepishly.

With a pleased smile, Natalie climbed into the tub and sat on her knees in front of Cat. The red extension floated on the water and caused the tiny girl to blush. With a small laugh, Natalie placed her hands softly on Cat’s knees and spread them with ease. Gently, she pulled Cat closer by the hips and grabbed the extension.

“Just relax and I’ll take care of you,” she exhaled.

With that, she guided the strap on inside of her and Cat inhaled sharply. Natalie pulled her closer, pushing it in deeper and Cat clenched her eyes shut tightly. The taller girl leaned over and took Cat’s left nipple in her mouth as she began to thrust.

As Cat let out frightened moans, she remembered being with Danny. This was what he did to her, and it had gotten her pregnant. But she couldn’t get pregnant by another girl, could she? That… _thing_ wasn’t real, so she couldn’t possibly get pregnant by it.

It almost made her wonder if Jade had one.

Natalie continued to thrust inside of the tiny girl, picking up the pace and making her moan louder. Water splashed out of the tub from the speed, and Cat began to scream from the intensity.

Danny never did that…

Natalie was being rough with her, but it didn’t scare her; she knew that this girl would never do anything to hurt her, so she trusted her. It hurt a little bit because she wasn’t used to it, but it did feel good.

She sucked in air sharply through her teeth as Natalie started to bite her nipple, and her hands shot to the girl’s shoulders, digging her nails into her skin.

In swift movements, Natalie wrapped Cat’s legs around her back and repositioned herself so that she was sitting and Cat was on top of her. She kept her hands firmly on Cat’s hips and forced her up and down on the strap on.

Cat continued to cry out in pleasure, and Natalie had to catch her as she nearly fell backwards when her body went rigid with another orgasm. She reached for the other girl’s head and pressed her fingers into the back of it, bringing the girl to her stomach. Her hair fanned out behind her as her loud moans echoed in the bathroom.

And when it was over, she collapsed onto the girl beneath her, panting heavily.

* * *

_Girl, you know you got me on pins and needles._

* * *

**Friday night.**

“You’ve been really quiet lately,” Natalie announced as the two girls ate dinner.

“I’m sorry,” Cat apologized, keeping her eyes on the jambalaya.

“You didn’t like what we did Monday?”

Her head shot up and she looked to Natalie in confusion. “I-in the bathroom?” she stammered, her mouth suddenly dry. She thought that was just another one of her dreams…

“What else?” the girl with obsidian tresses chuckled. “You don’t like what we did?”

“N-no!” Cat quickly cried. “I…I liked it a lot.” She lowered her head as she felt another blush coming on.

“So why were you avoiding me?”

The redhead sighed. “I thought it was just a dream,” she told her quietly. “I didn’t want to say anything because I shouldn’t be having those kinds of dreams.”

Natalie reached over the table and placed her hand atop her friend’s. “It’s okay to have those kinds of thoughts,” she assured her, “Especially when I have the same for you.”

Cat looked up with a small smile. “I’m sorry for avoiding you.”

Her friend’s blue eyes sparked with an idea as she smirked. “I know how you can make it up to me,” she offered. Then, she stood and walked over to Cat. She knelt in front of her and unbutton her jeans, and the tiny girl gasped.

“We can’t do that here,” she protested, though she made no other moves to stop it.

“I live alone,” Natalie reminded her impatiently, pulling down her zipper. She hooked her fingers onto the brim of her jeans and panties, sliding them off easily when Cat raised out of her seat slightly to accommodate her. She slid them off, popping off her flats in the process and discarded them under the table.

Looking up at the redhead seductively, she rubbed Cat’s clit with her thumb. “Do you want to make it up to me?”

Cat bit her lip in pleasure and nodded, holding her arms up to her chest, unsure of what to do with them.

Natalie smiled and removed her thumb, pressing her lips to Cat’s vagina. She took one of the outer lips in her own and sucked on it roughly, making the tiny girl squirm with anticipation. Then, she flicked her tongue roughly against her clit.

Unsure of what else to do, Cat slid her hands under her shirt and bra, fondling her own chest while Natalie caressed her clitoris with her tongue.

The raven-haired girl would alternate between fast paced licking and rough sucking, sending daggers of pleasure throughout the redhead’s body. The tiny girl cried out in pain when she slipped two fingers inside and roughly moved them in and out.

“Oh my God,” Cat gasped, clenching her eyes shut and tilting her head back as the scene played out.

Distracted by what was happening, she left her hands to rest on her chest as she started to writhe in her chair.

Natalie fingered and licked faster, doing all she could to bring out an orgasm. Occasionally, she would look up at Cat and smirk at the bliss scrawled across her face.

It didn’t take long for Cat to come and Natalie grinned boastfully as she sat back on her knees, taking in the sight of the breathless girl opened before her. She took pride in Cat’s helpless look when she finally opened her eyes and stood, instructing the petite girl to do the same.

“My turn,” she breathed as she led Cat to the bedroom.

Without warning, she threw Cat onto the bed and took of her skirt in a hurry, revealing her lack of underwear. Cat gasped as Natalie walked around the bed and climbed onto it. She walked on her knees over to Cat and threw one of her legs over Cat’s face, so her knees were beside the confused girl’s head.

“Just open your mouth and run your tongue back and forth,” she guided as she pressed her vagina to Cat’s mouth. Closing her eyes, the girl beneath her complied and parted her lips, proceeding to eat her out.

She had never tasted a girl before, but Natalie tasted good. She taste was strong, unlike anything she had ever had before. She couldn’t describe it, but she greatly enjoyed it. Without realizing it, she had put her hands on Natalie’s hips and continuously tilted her chin back and forth to accompany the slight bouncing of the girl on top of her.

When Natalie let out a loud moan to signal her orgasm, Cat didn’t stop. If Natalie hadn’t climbed off, she never would have.

“Whoa there, Kitten,” she panted. She leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. “How do I taste?”

“Amazing,” Cat exhaled with a wide smile. “I want more.”

Natalie laughed and turned around, throwing her other knee around Cat’s head. She leaned forward to place her head between Cat’s legs. And when she started licking all over, the excited girl took that as a sign to resume tasting.

They continued in that position through several orgasms from both girls, and Cat even experimented with fingering. They went until neither one of them could take it anymore, and they both collapsed on the bed half dressed, oversexed, and undoubtedly carefree.

* * *

_Girl, you know you got me on pins and needles._

* * *

**Saturday morning.**

Cat woke up to the sound of knocking. Groggily, she rolled onto her side to find the bed empty. Fear setting in, she shot up and searched the room with frantic eyes.

Natalie was nowhere in sight.

Ashamed and afraid, she climbed out of bed and went to the dining room to retrieve her pants. She slipped them on as quickly as possible and hurried to the door, hoping it was Natalie—even though it didn’t cross her mind as to why she would be knocking on the door to her own apartment.

“Robbie!” she exclaimed with bright eyes and a wide smile. The happiness quickly faded when she remembered where they were. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s our anniversary,” he told her meekly. “I know we’ve been going through some tough times lately, but I really wanted you to have this.” He handed her a tiny box which she eagerly took. “Jade told me what happened and where you were, but I want you to know that I’ll always love you, no matter what. I loved you from the moment we met, and I would do anything to make you happy. She told me about how you were scared to have sex with me, but I would have been just fine if we never did.” He lowered his head awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Although it’d be really swell if we did.”

Cat stared down at the ring surrounded by its satin display. It had been garnished with diamonds and she didn’t have to take it out of the box to read the inscription that said ‘I will always be with you.’ Overwhelmed and starting to cry, she wiped her eyes. A rueful laugh escaped her lips and she looked at him, feeling horrible.

“I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting,” she apologized through a shaking voice. “I should have talked to you about it sooner instead of letting it get this far. My mommy got me pills that would keep me from getting pregnant again and I’ve been on them for a while now; I shouldn’t have been so scared. I love you so much, Robbie Shapiro, and I’ve been really stupid lately.” She wiped away more tears. “Please take me home…”

He smiled at her, reaching out to take the ring from the box and slide it onto her right ring finger. “I forgive you, Cat,” he told her softly. “We all make mistakes.”

As he leaned in to kiss her, she gasped and pulled her head back before placing her hand over his mouth. “I didn’t brush my teeth yet!” she exclaimed. “I’ll kiss you when we’re back home.”

“O-okay,” he sputtered, off-guard.

She took his hand in her free one and took him to the bedroom. Some of her clothes were scattered across the floor, her suitcase crammed against the wall. She picked it up and put it on the bed. Together, she and Robbie scrambled for her clothes, stuffing them into the hot pink bag.

“What the hell is this?” came a voice in the doorway.

Cat snapped back around in fear to find Natalie holding a bag from a fast food restaurant. “I-I’m going home,” she stated skeptically. “I don’t belong here and I can’t do this, and I don’t even know what ‘this’ is. I’m really sorry, but I love Robbie and I need to be with him and my daughter in our home.”

Natalie threw the bag to the ground and stormed off into the kitchen. “Just hurry up and get the hell out!” she screamed. Cat jumped when she heard a loud crash and could have sworn she heard Natalie mumble something about “stupid straight girls.”

* * *

_Girl, you know you got me on pins and needles._

* * *

She had left Cassie with Jade Wednesday night, because not even someone as malicious as the Gothic scream queen would take out her anger on a defenseless toddler.

Robbie had borrowed Beck’s truck, and Cat fidgeted nervously in her seat, ready to see her daughter again.

She didn’t wait until he came to a full stop once they’d pulled up to the house before jumping out. He called out to her in worry, but she just ran. When she reached the door, she nearly broke it down trying to open it. She darted up the stairs to the nursery where her daughter slept soundly in her crib.

Slowly, she entered the nursery and reached in to pick Cassie up. The baby fussed for a moment, but quickly went back to sleep, pressing her head against her mother’s chest.

“Cat?” Jade called from the doorway.

Taking in a deep breath, she turned around to face her friend. “Jade,” she sighed. She lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry for fighting with you Monday, and I take back everything mean I said. You were right, and I was really stupid.” She looked up with hopeful chocolate eyes. “Can you forgive me?”

Crossing her arms, Jade nodded. “I can,” she answered. She looked away scowling. “And I guess I’m… _sorry_ for snapping at you.”

Excitedly, Cat kissed Cassie atop her head and put her back in the crib before running over to Jade and hugging her tightly. And begrudgingly, Jade returned the sentiment.

* * *

_Girl, you know you got me on pins and needles._

* * *

**Thirty minutes later.**

Cat wanted to wait until after she’d had a shower and brushed her teeth before she had a much needed talk with Robbie. But once she entered the bedroom, his lips crashed against hers and they didn’t do much talking.

And this time, _she_ was the one who pushed _him_ onto the bed, climbing onto his lap.

His hands fumbled at her waist, so she guided them for him. Eventually, he managed to take her night gown off and she pulled his clothes off. She made sure to watch him as he put on a condom, her nose turning pink from embarrassment as she propped herself up on her elbows.

It didn’t hurt as much when he was inside her, and she felt the most comfortable she’d ever been in a very long time. Their bodies intertwining joyously eased her, filling her with security. The small noises he made caused her to giggle slightly, and she buried her head into his neck, kissing the skin tenderly.

He moved slowly, as if he were scared, and she never felt as close to him as she did in that moment.

It took longer for her to come this time, but it finally felt right when she did. Her toes curled and she felt better than she ever did with Natalie or Danny. She didn’t want to be with anyone else but Robbie, and she had no doubt in her mind that he would protect her to the best of his ability.

When he came, he let out a low grunt, as if the air had been knocked from his lungs, and she held him close as his body briefly shivered. Then he pulled out and laid beside her on his side, his arm draped across her stomach. He smiled at her as he twirled a lock of her hair. “I love you, Caterina Valentine,” he whispered.

She gently touched his cheek and kissed him softly on the lips, keeping her mouth close to his once it broke.

“I love you, Robbie Shapiro.”


	8. It's Hard to Say "I Do" When I Don't

* * *

_“_ _When I said that I'd return to you, I meant more like a relapse. Now and again I think "His and hers," "For better or worse," but the only ring I want buried with me are the ones around my eyes_ _”_ _–_ _Fall Out Boy_

* * *

 

**Four weeks earlier.**

“Tori,” Holly Vega called over her shoulder from the couch beside her husband as her daughter bounded down the stairs. Her hair had been curled into short ringlets with freshly dyed blonde tips, but she wore no makeup. While her husband wore an undershirt and slacks, she wore her teal nightgown with the plunging neckline, forever searing the image into Tori’s mind. She rested her arm over the back of the couch when she fully turned to see her daughter stopping at the bottom of the steps. “Where are you off to in such a rush?”

“The better question,” David interjected pointedly, his dark brow furrowed and his fingers drumming on the back of the couch in disapproval. “Why was a boy who is _not_ my two-year-old grandson presumably coming from my daughter’s room?”

Tori’s subtle chocolate eyes widened with fear as she felt sweat forming on the back of her neck. Obviously, she hadn’t told her parents about her recent nuptials, and she didn’t plan on telling them any time soon—especially on her way out to visit her ex-boyfriend in the hospital. “I…we…”

“I just kicked one little boy out of my house not even a week ago, Victoria Mercedes,” her father reminded with authority. “The only little boy you should be worrying about right now can’t even form whole sentences.”

“Can we _please_ talk about this later?” she whined, slouching her body uncomfortably to the side as she wrung the hem of her blouse. “Beck called and told me Andre’s in the hospital.”

Holly gasped and covered her mouth, turning her body to her daughter. “Did he say what happened?”

“No,” Tori lied obviously, lowering her eyes to the floor in shame.

“Well,” her mother continued slowly, momentarily taking her eyes away from her little girl, “Be careful, Sweetheart. And make sure you have the car back by six.” She put her hand on David’s shoulder and smiled broadly. “Your father’s taking me out to dinner.” Then she pulled herself into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck before kissing him. “I’m sure you’ll find something here to eat,” she announced after breaking the kiss. “Or you can grab something on the way home.”

Tori groaned quietly as her parents continued to kiss and rolled her eyes before snatching the keys from the fireplace and darting out to her mom’s minivan.

* * *

  _You'_ _r_ _e appealing to emotions that I simply do not have._

* * *

 

**Twenty minutes later.**

Her moots slapped the linoleum as she ran into the hospital.

“What room is Andre Harris in?” she asked, slamming her hands on the desk to stop herself from flying over it.

Her chest heaved as the brunet receptionist clicked away on his keyboard, a disapproving look on his face.

“407,” he finally answered after what felt like a lifetime, still not bothering to look up from his screen. “And no running in the halls.”

Disregarding the secretary, Tori ran to the elevators as fast as she could. She needed to get to him. It didn’t cross her mind that the damage was already done as she bounced her leg impatiently in the elevator, but she was running like she could still prevent it.

By the time she got to the fourth floor—the psych ward—her heart thudded rapidly in her chest from anxiety. What would he say to her? What would she say to him? He’d probably blame her for this…

Slowly, Tori crept out of the elevator and almost got shut in the doors. With a loud squeak, she scurried down the hall to Andre’s room, coming to a dead halt when she reached the cracked door.

She stared at it for a long time, contemplating whether or not she should go inside.

What if he was sleeping? It would be really rude to wake him up, and it would more than likely make him angrier with her, since he was probably angry from Tuesday. What if he didn’t want to see her? He probably didn’t. But what if he refused to talk or even look at her? She should just go home right now and leave him be. He’s undoubtedly better off without her.

“Are you looking for something?” a blonde doctor questioned, startling Tori from her thoughts. She looked to the name card beside Andre’s door and smiled before turning back to the shaken Latina. “Are you his girlfriend? His mother said you might visit if she got a hold of you.” She looked down at the metallic clipboard in her hands, flipping through papers. “Can I see your ID, please?”

Shakily, Tori nodded and grabbed her wallet from her back pocket. She pulled her driver’s license from it and handed it to the doctor who looked at it for the briefest moment before smiling and handing it back.

“Go on in, Miss Vega,” she urged as Tori returned her wallet to her back pocket, resisting the urge to correct her and say ‘Mrs. Kerrigan.’“I’ll have to ask that you keep your visit brief, though; he’s got testing in half an hour.”

Tori nodded wordlessly, lowering her eyes to the floor. She slipped into the room and closed the door softly, keeping her back to the boy in the bed whose heart she undeniably was about to break—if it wasn’t already broken.

Andre, stomach empty and aching, lay on his hospital bed with his arms outstretched, wrists hanging over the side, as he stared at the dingy white ceiling blankly, just as he’d been doing for hours now. Having woken up in the hospital around nine that morning, his eyes never left the blue speckled panels in the ceiling.

His head pounded from the juicy hangover, but he said nothing about it. In fact, he hadn’t spoken all morning, really. His mother had come around two in the afternoon to check on him, and it had apparently been the first time she’d seen him upon admittance to the hospital. She had hugged him, kissed him, and even cried on his shoulder, but he never made any move to return her affection.

She had talked to him for a few hours, but he only responded in simple grunts and tiny noises of acknowledgement. Eventually, she left when she realized he didn’t want to speak to anyone, and she gave him a soft hug before leaving him in the position he now rested in.

His entire body ached, but he could feel the source radiating from his stomach. He’d never known much about stomach pumping or what you had to do, but he thought they’d probably pumped his stomach.

As he stared up at the ceiling, he wondered how long he would be here in the hospital. Did they think he was crazy? His mother said something about him trying to kill himself. What if the doctors really thought he was suicidal? They would probably keep him here for a long time.

But it didn’t matter anymore.

Tori didn’t love him. Antonio wasn’t his son. The woman and child he’d given his life for were no longer his. For the past two years, he’d centered his life completely on them. But just like that, Tori ripped away all he’d been working for and threw it in the trash.

And now she was in his room.

When he heard the doctor say his name, his body went rigid. Suddenly, every pain disappeared, though the burdening stab in his heart remained. He wondered what she was doing here, how she knew he was here, and what she would think of him now that he was in the hospital.

He hated that he still cared what she thought of him…

“What do you want?” he asked flatly, keeping his eyes on the panels. His skin was pale from the pumping and restless sleep, and she could clearly see the rings beneath his eyes from her spot half a room away.

She never would have guessed it, but he wanted to jump out of that bed—no matter how much it pained him—and sweep her into his arms, spinning her and kissing her lovingly. And at the same time, he wanted to curse her and force her to never come back so that he would never have to look at her again. His mind raced with conflicting emotions, but he was absolutely sure he wanted her to leave.

Her shoes tapped lightly on the floor as she made her way to his bedside, as if she were trying to walk on air—and it angered him. From his peripheral vision, he watched her take the seat inches away from his outstretched arm that his mother had left warm. She was close enough that he could feel her warmth wafting to his fingertips, intensifying the stabbing sensation in his chest. He started having trouble breathing, but he tried not to let her see.

“Beck called me and told me what happened,” she said in a small voice.

His mother _did_ say something about seeing Beck… He wondered why Beck was here.

“Is he okay?” Andre asked monotonously, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. If he looked at her, if he thought of her name, he would probably lose his mind. The doctors and nurses would have a field day.

“I don’t know,” she answered, confusion toward the subject in her voice, “It was something serious, but he only told me you were here. Why did you do it? Was it my fault?”

Andre sighed slightly. “I didn’t try to kill myself,” he told her in that same monotonous voice.

“Then why are you here?” Tori asked pleadingly, her voice slightly louder.

“I had a headache,” he whispered. “I only took two pills.”

“What did you take them with?” she asked, leaning toward him. He could see the top of her brunette head, all strands perfectly in place.

“A bottle of wine,” he answered after a momentary pause. The ceiling began to get too bright for him, especially with the hint of her brown hair, and he closed his eyes.

She grabbed his arm gently, her fingers laced over his skin, and his chest constricted more. Her warmth filled his veins, setting him on fire.

She couldn’t be here.

Andre snatched his arm from her and shot up, finally looking at her with pained, hate-filled eyes. “I had a headache from being with you!” he shouted. “I didn’t try to kill myself, but I was _angry_! I couldn’t talk to you and try to calm down because you _kicked me out_. My _best friend_ was in Canada at a funeral. What else was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to just be happy that Antonio wasn’t mine…that you just used me to take care of _your_ son? Was I supposed to take it lightly that I’ve been living with a girl for a year and a half who didn’t love me? You didn’t seem like you cared, so I guess I cared enough for the both of us.”

Tori sat back in her chair, her hands and eyes in her lap. Her leg twitched slightly and Andre’s face softened; he’d barely yelled at her, but he already felt bad for doing it. He opened his mouth to utter an apology when Tori spoke again.

“You’re right,” she said quietly. After a small moment of silence, she looked up at him with saddened eyes. “I was scared when I found out I was pregnant and…and I knew you liked me, so I…latched on to you.” She sniffled slightly. “What I did was wrong, and ‘sorry’ can’t change any of it.”

“Did you ever love me?” Andre asked, his mouth twitching slightly.

Tori smiled weakly and wiped her eye when a tear started to fall. “You’re one of my closest friends,” she told him, indirectly answering his question. “It’s not the way you want me to love you. But don’t think I never cared about you…” She sniffled again, wiping at both of her eyes. “You need someone who’ll love you as much as you love them, and that…won’t ever be me…”

Andre looked away for a moment. He wasn’t sure why this surprised him, but having her words up in the air—how she really felt about him—stung deeply. He wasn’t mad anymore; it was almost like a depressed acceptance. Of all the questions running through his head, only one stood out.

“Who is he?”

“What are you talking about?” Tori asked coyly. She didn’t mean to say it, but it just slipped out.

“Don’t do this to me!” he shouted, turning to face her. “I’m in the hospital because my mother thinks I tried to kill myself. Even if I was, do you _really_ think it’s smart to act _stupid_ right now? Who’s the guy you left me for?”

The intensity of his voice shocked her. When she’d yelled at him and kicked him out of her house, she never thought much of him yelling back at her or raising his voice. It was unlike him, but she knew he had a reason for it. She should have just answered the question. Maybe she hoped he wouldn’t read into it if she said it and he’d find out about Danny later.

She lowered her head and wrung her fingers. “It’s Danny,” she whispered slightly, just barely audible.

Andre laughed in spite of himself and fell back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling with pursed lips. Of all the people he could have guessed, Danny was last on his list. He knew they had been together when she was at her first high school, but he truly believed that everything had died down between them when he’d started dating Cat.

He should’ve known that it was Danny, though; it had always been.

When Cat and Danny first started dating, she almost ruined it by kissing him. She _wanted_ to kiss him and he wanted to kiss her. Andre thought little of it because Cat and Danny reconciled almost a week later and Tori never saw or spoke about him again. When Cat got pregnant, he was so sure that Tori would _see_ that Danny was always going to be Cat’s, but obviously he was wrong.

Now that he thought about it, Tori could have had the time to see and sleep with Danny. He didn’t think much of it when she told him she was pregnant nearly a week after they had sex, but now it all made sense.

There was a small spark in Andre that wanted to kill Danny for taking the love of his life away, but he wasn’t like that. No, he would just sit there and accept that Tori would never love him the way he loved her. They had a good run, but now it was obvious that her heart would always be Danny’s. He wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t hurting, so he probably wouldn’t speak to Tori for a while. But later, maybe one day, he’d talk to her again once he’d moved on and they could be friends.

Right now he just wanted to sleep.

“I’m gonna take a nap,” he sighed in a quiet, defeated voice. “I’ll…talk to you later.”

Tori stood up and he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at her. “Do you want me to turn the light out for you?” she asked, a small, pleading hope in her voice.

“Nah,” he replied quickly and near silently.

Tori’s face fell and she shuffled out of the room, crossing her arms and holding her elbows for support. The hospital seemed to stretch forever as she made her way back to the elevator, and she fought not to cry as she leaned against the cool metal once she’d finally stepped inside.

He hated her.

He had every right to, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. She couldn’t handle being hated, and she certainly couldn’t handle Andre hating her.

What if he never talked to her again?

If she were him, she’d never talk to herself again either. She was a horrible person. Danny was right: she only wanted what was convenient for her. He said she only wanted him when it was convenient for her—to be exact—but she always wanted him; she’d never stopped. But when she found out she was pregnant and he was still strung up on Cat, she tried being with Andre because it was convenient for her. She called Danny and told him to come over because it was convenient; Cat wanted nothing to do with him now that she had Robbie, and Tori would make him love her since he couldn’t have Cat. But then she practically threw Andre away because he wasn’t convenient for her anymore.

Now she wanted Danny and she was stuck with him, even if it wasn’t convenient.

When Tori stepped out of the elevator, she spotted Beck walking toward the exit. She almost raised her hand to wave at him, but then she remembered he blamed her for Andre’s supposed suicide attempt. She started to duck away and maybe hide behind the receptionist’s desk when he saw her.

“Tori!” he called out, jogging over to her.

Reluctantly, she turned back to him but looked at her shoes, preparing for the verbal barrage that was bound to ensue.

“How is he?” Beck inquired, no hint of anger or resentment in his voice.

“He’s fine,” she answered meekly. “He didn’t try to kill himself.”

“Then what happened?”

“He had a headache after he went back home,” she told him, keeping her eyes on the floor. “He mixed two pills with a bottle of wine.”

For a moment, Beck was quiet and it made Tori nervous. If he was going to yell at her, he needed to go ahead and do it; she was getting tired of waiting.

“I’m…sorry about the phone call earlier,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to get upset with you; a lot’s going on right now.”

Tori held herself, looking up through her lashes. “Is something wrong with Jade?”

Beck sighed and shoved his thumbs into his pockets. “She’s upset,” he answered, “But other than that, she’s fine. We found out that Jensen has to have surgery for some ear problems.”

Tori looked up and gasped. She opened her mouth to say something, but Beck held up a hand to stop her.

“He already had it,” he informed her. “I was in the waiting room when I called you, but he’s fine now. I’m just going to run home to get some clothes for Jade since she’s staying the night with him.”

“I’m glad he’s okay,” Tori breathed. “No child should have to get surgery so young.”

Beck simply shrugged his shoulders. “You’re right,” he agreed. “But what can you do, you know?” He checked his phone for the time before looking back at the Latina. “Visiting hours will be over soon, so I need to hurry up and grab her things. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

Tori nodded. “Yeah,” she responded rather glumly. She watched him leave at a fast pace before heading out the same direction where her mother’s car waited in the parking lot.

* * *

  _You '_ _re appealing to emotions that I simply do not have._

* * *

 

Before she knew it, Tori had driven to her husband’s home.

Robotically, she turned off her car, got out, and made her way to the door after shoving her keys into her pocket.

A few moments after knocking on the door, Danny’s mother opened it. The older Mrs. Kerrigan’s face was more worn than Tori remembered, but a fresh dye job hid her greying hair. Her weary smile pulled at tired green eyes. “Hello, Tori,” she greeted softly. “Come in. Danny’s in the kitchen.”

As Tori stepped inside, Danny emerged from the kitchen with a sour expression. “What are you doing, Ma?” he asked loudly. He gestured to the girl who made herself small in front of his mother. “Why’d you let her in?”

Crossing the gap to her son, Mrs. Kerrigan slapped her son upside the head. “Daniel Nolan,” she seethed, “That’s no way to talk about your wife.”

Danny sighed and lowered his head. “Can we have some privacy please, Ma?”

“ _You_ can go upstairs to your room,” she sassed. “This isn’t your house yet, child.”

With a groan, he nodded his head to the stairwell. “Can we talk up there, Tori?” he asked, putting on a show for his mother.

Sheepishly, Tori nodded and the teenagers ascended the stairs to his room.

“So am I convenient for you again?” he asked, somewhat maliciously, once he closed the door to his room.

“Can you _please_ not do that?” Tori begged. “I came here to tell you that I know what I want.”

“And what is that?” he questioned, crossing his arms.

Tori sighed and looked away. “I’ve always wanted you, Danny,” she confessed. She held herself, trying to keep her composure. “You know I made a mistake when I broke up with you just because I was going to a different school.” She looked back at him with a pained expression. “Every time I wanted to be with you again, you kept choosing Cat. If anyone was choosing convenience, it was you. I gave you that ultimatum because I love you, and I know you love me back since I have a paper saying my name is Victoria Kerrigan.”

Danny pursed his lips, about to say something when his face softened. “So what about Andre?” he breathed.

Tori sighed softly. “I told him I love you,” she said, wringing her hands as she held his gaze. “I never stopped loving you, Danny, and I can’t keep going back and forth. It’s bad for me and it won’t be fair to Antonio. I only want you to be my husband and the father our son needs.”

Danny closed the distance between them and wrapped his hands around her waist. He kissed her forehead gently before pressing his forehead against her own. “I promise it’s only going to be you.”

Tori closed her eyes with content. “Only you.”

* * *

  _You_ _’_ _re appealing to emotions that I simply do not have._

* * *

 

**Present day.**

Adjusting to being married proved to be difficult for Tori; she still wasn’t ready to tell her parents about her name change or the ring she wore around her neck, so Danny wasn’t too pleased.

And thus, another argument.

He wanted her to move in, since she’d do it eventually anyway. She wanted his family to be whole already, and he had been pressing for sooner rather later since his mother was preparing to move out.

But no matter how angry he grew, she couldn’t bring herself to drop the news just yet. So to compromise, she allowed Antonio to frequently stay the night with him and his mom.

Now, she sat on her couch watching TV, enjoying her day alone. She’d been pretty stressed out with her coursework and the baby, so Danny had taken it upon himself to take in Antonio for the entire weekend so his family could meet the new addition and she could wind down. At first, she was a little skeptical about spending two consecutive days away from her son, but then she realized it would be a good idea for the boy to get to know his father and paternal family since she had no contact with her own.

She always slept better when Antonio wasn’t home, and her parents gave her as much space as she asked for. She told her parents that Andre would be coming over later to get his stuff, and her mom told her she’d be in the basement working on pottery while her father threw gun violence into the conversation, so Mrs. Vega made him go play pool with his friends.

For the most part, she’d had a normal weekend for a nineteen-year-old girl.

She groaned loudly when she heard the doorbell and pulled herself up off the couch with a long, drawn-out sigh. She stepped over countless toys that she’d yet to clean up and almost grabbed the doorknob when her sister kicked the door open, a wide grin spread from ear to ear. “Tori!” she exclaimed joyously.

“Trina!” the younger Vega exclaimed in return, her eyes bugged out in fear. “ _What_ are you doing here?”

“I’ve got great news!” she boasted, enveloping her sister into a big, tight hug. Without hesitation, she pushed her sister out of the way and ran to the foot of the stairs. “Mom! Dad! Get down here!” When they didn’t hurriedly show, she crossed her arms and stamped her feet. “ _Mom_!”

Slowly, Holly Vega emerged at the top of the basement stairs. “I thought I felt a headache coming on,” she joked in a tired voice. She enveloped her bouncing, eldest daughter into a warm hug. “Your father’s out with the guys. How’ve you been, Sweetheart?”

“I’m so happy!” she screeched, the sound of her voice starting to annoy Tori. She held out her left hand, showing off the decent sized diamond on her finger. “Blake proposed!”

Both Holly and Tori gasped, and Holly covered her mouth. “Are you pregnant?” she asked in a rush once it’d been uncovered.

“ _Mom_!” Trina whined in shock. Her face scrunched in denial. “We haven’t even _done_ anything yet!”

“Is that your choice or his?” Tori mumbled with a sly smirk. She couldn’t say much about Blake—mainly because she’d never met him—but if there was no sex in this relationship, Trina’s annoying personality more than likely had a strong say in the matter. It honestly baffled her how Blake had put up with Trina for this long; she thought he was gay for the longest time, and it always made her wonder why anyone would _choose_ to live with Trina.

The twenty-one year-old glared at her little sister. “Bite me,” she sneered. She turned back to her mother with her bright, enthusiastic smile. She grabbed her mother’s hands and bounced excitedly. “Help me plan the wedding!”

Holly’s face fell with unease. “I don’t think we can afford that right now,” she hesitated.

“I was thinking of a traditional wedding,” Trina declared, recalling the plans of her dream wedding that she made when she was fourteen. For as long as she could remember, she wished she could be a princess. And what better way to be a princess than with a princess wedding?

After searching through wedding magazines, she vowed that she would only get married at the Indianapolis Artsgarden because it was the most extravagant venue she’d ever seen. She wanted hundreds of white doves to be released when she kissed her new husband, and she wanted a reception with enough food to feed a thousand people with everyone praising her as she took her first dance with him. Her engagement, with her name and smiling face, needed to be announced in every newspaper so everyone would recognize her happiness. She refused to get married without a diamond-studded tiara, the finest makeup artist, the best wedding planner in California, and as much bling as she could fit in her dress and on her hair.

But after meeting and living with Blake Michaels for nearly two years, eventually falling in love with him, the eldest Vega sister realized she didn’t need any of those extravagant things. If she could have them, of course she wouldn’t turn them down, but she finally knew that she could be happy without the finest things in life.

“I want something simple,” she announced with the warmest smile Tori had ever seen, wringing her hands slightly. Her eyes lit up as she spoke, though her notion of simplicity shocked her mother and sister. “I really love him, Mom. He makes me happier than I’ve ever been, and he loves me too. He’s been so good to me this past year and a half, and I don’t want to think about living without him.”

Holly smiled proudly, placing her hands on her daughter’s shoulders. “I’m so proud of you, baby,” she breathed. “I’m so glad he makes you happy and I’d love to help you plan your wedding.”

Trina squealed excitedly and hugged her mother tightly while Tori stood off to the side, awkwardly crossing her arms.

“Don’t tell me you started the party without me,” a voice quipped from the front doorway. Tori was the first to find Andre standing just as awkwardly in the doorway, and she refused to meet his eyes.

“I see you’re feeling better,” she mumbled, rubbing her bare arms. She turned to her mother and sister, pleading with her eyes for them to help her out. Her silent plea went unanswered.

“Yeah,” he breathed. He nodded to Mrs. Vega when she and Trina broke to look at him. “If it’s alright, Mrs. Vega, I just wanna get the rest of my stuff out of your house.”

“That’s fine,” she said, trying to sound somewhat friendly. “Trina and I are going to go down to the basement for a bit to do some planning.” With that, she turned toward the basement and Trina followed suit.

Holly wasn’t pleased with Tori for cheating on Andre or treating him like she did, but she was less pleased with the way Andre had ended things with her daughter. No matter what, Tori would always be her daughter and she would always need to be stood up for. But Andre almost killed himself and would have left the blame on Tori. That didn’t fly in Holly’s book, and she prayed for the day when they would leave each other alone.

“Can we talk, Tor?” Andre requested in a soft voice once the other Vega women had retreated to the basement. From his mother’s mandatory therapy sessions, his mind had cleared, and he’d been given new hope. His therapist viewed his hope as ignorant optimism, but part of his job was telling him want he wanted to hear: mainly, he needed to see Tori and finally sever all ties with her.

But after time away from her, he didn’t want to sever the ties. He wanted to reconnect them and make them stronger. He wanted to be in her life again, and his hopeful optimism made him want to do whatever took to work his way back in.

Tori sighed and turned back to her ex-boyfriend. “There’s nothing to talk about,” she told him adamantly. She hoped that if she shut him out, he would leave it be and go away before Danny got back. There was no telling what would happen if the two met up. Her eyes darted to a large box beside the TV as she subconsciously played with the wedding ring around her neck. “All your stuff is in there. Can you please just take it and leave?”

“Tori, please,” Andre begged, stepping closer. He held his hands out to touch her, but lowered them in defeat when she refused to look at him. His plan was faltering, but he couldn’t give up. She needed to know how he felt, now that he finally knew how he felt. “I’m just…really sorry about everything that happened. I’m sorry I neglected you, and I’m sorry I put my work before you. What I did when I left was really, really stupid, and I was terrible to you in the hospital. I’m in therapy now, and I’d do anything to make this work. Can we just…try this—?”

“Tori!” Danny interrupted as he ran into the house, clinging to his son. “I—” He stopped when he saw Andre glaring at him. Shaking away the confusion, he set down Antonio’s overnight bag and gently put his son on the floor. “My mom had a heart attack on the way back and I need to be with her. I’m really sorry, but can you watch him for me?”

Something in Andre snapped at the sound of Danny’s voice, and rage washed over him. He couldn’t even believe this! It took Tori six months after Antonio had been born to allow Andre to spend time alone with the boy, but here Danny was, barely four weeks after Andre’s hospital visit.

“This doesn’t even surprise me!” he shouted as he whipped back around to Tori, his hands shaking with fury. “How long did it take for you to start _fucking_ him again, huh, Tori? Or did you ever stop? I had to wait half a year to even hold your damn kid, but he gets to take your little bastard home right off the bat?”

“Andre, he’s my husband,” she blurted out angrily. She gasped and covered her mouth.

“Husband?” he bellowed. He looked to Danny then looked back to her apologetic face. “He’s your fucking husband?! How long have you even been married?”

“A month,” she whispered.

“You need to leave,” Danny piped up, placing his hand on the angry boy’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” Andre screamed as he slapped Danny’s hand away. He pushed the taller boy, almost making him trip over his now crying son. “You’re a sorry, no-good piece of shit! Who do you think you’re are stealing my girl?” He shoved the taller boy again.

“Andre Harris!” Holly shrieked from the top of the basement stairs. “You get out of my house right now or I swear to God I’ll call the police and have you arrested for assault!”

“Go to hell,” he spat, looking over his shoulder to the older woman and her eldest daughter standing in front of the basement entrance. Fist clenched tightly, he shoved past Danny and stormed out of the house, leaving Antonio crying by his father.

Conflicted, Tori looked from Danny to the doorway. She couldn’t just let Andre run off like that. Well, technically she could, but she knew she had to go after him and calm him down before he did anything stupid and reckless…again.

While Danny tended to the crying child and her family retreated back to the basement, Tori ran out of the house after her angered ex. He climbed into his car and started it up when she made it outside, but she managed to rip the passenger’s door open and climb in just as he was pulling out. “Andre, stop,” she pleaded, slamming the door shut.

He smashed his foot down on the break, sending the both lurching forward, Tori having to put her hands on the dashboard to keep from knocking her head on it. “Get out of my goddamn car!” he shouted.

“Not until you talk to me!” she shouted back.

A car honked at Andre who sat halfway in the road, so the dark-skinned boy peeled out of the rest of the driveway and sped off, disregarding his seatbelt. “I can’t do this, Tor,” he said, his voice strained as he gripped the steering wheel tightly and forced his eyes to stay on the road. “You don’t understand how much I hate being your rebound, that you’re married to a dick that isn’t me. It kills me to know I lost you to someone dumb enough to get two girls pregnant right after the other.” He slowed down and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. “No offense.”

Tori began to wring her hands and frowned, her eyes filled with worry. “None taken, I guess,” she assured him. “Listen, I’m really sorry that I lead you on for so long. You mean so much to me, but I’ve been in love with Danny for years. He’s trying to put everything into our relationship, especially with this big leap, and I can’t help that I _need_ to give him a second chance.” She laughed in spite of herself, holding her wedding ring. “I have no choice. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted, but there’s gonna be someone out there who will love you more than you love me, and she’ll make you so happy.”

Andre sighed as he pulled the car over and kept his eyes forward. “I don’t give a damn about anything you have to say anymore,” he told her, his jaw set with anger. “No matter how much I love you, I can’t see you anymore. Being away from you for this short time did me some good—I calmed down and was able to start thinking clearly—but I messed all that up when I came to see you. I’ll find a way to get my stuff, but I’m never gonna set foot in your house again.” He pushed back his dreadlocks and sighed again, looking her dead in the eye. “And I never want you in mine again. Get out.”

Wordlessly, Tori climbed out of his car and he sped off before she could close the door, leaving the wind to bang it shut.

And just like that, he left her alone and broken on the sidewalk.

* * *

 _You_ _’_ _re appealing to emotions that I simply do not have._

* * *

 

**Fifteen minutes later.**

She couldn’t stop crying for ten entire minutes.

That’s how much of an impact he had on her, and he didn’t even know it. And now he never would since that was the last she would ever see of him…

When she was finally able to compose herself enough to pull her phone from her pocket, she called her sister and begged her to come get her. Luckily, he’d dropped her off at the park down the road, but it was a long walk that she wasn’t sure she could make in her depressed state.

And as soon as she got into her sister’s Ford Fiesta, she broke down crying once more.

Trina wrapped her sister in her arms and held her tightly, allowing Tori to cry on her shoulder.

“I feel so stupid,” she sobbed in shattered breaths.

“No,” Trina whispered soothingly, rubbing her little sister’s back. “This wasn’t your fault.”

“And what if it was?” Tori questioned manically, sitting upright and wiping her tears away roughly. “What if it was a mistake marrying Danny? What if I made a mistake letting Andre just leave?”

Trina smiled weakly and took her sister’s hand, gently rubbing her thumb over the back of it. “Even if it’s a mistake,” she began in the most serious tone Tori had ever heard from her, “It’s just something you can learn from. Everyone makes them, but not everyone learns from them.”

Tori sniffled, taking in a gross amount of snot, as she looked at her sister with sad eyes. “Do you think marrying Blake will be a mistake?”

Trina shrugged, pouting slightly. “I don’t know,” she answered, sounding like the old Trina again. “I don’t think it is. He’s such a good guy and we get along amazingly. Even if it is, I’ll gladly make that mistake because that’s what love is.”

“Love is making mistakes?” the Kerrigan newlywed inferred with another snotty sniffle.

“No, silly!” Trina laughed, punching her sister roughly on the arm. “Love is making choices with and about people, going on faith that everything will work out.”

“And what if it doesn’t?”

Trina paused for a moment, trying to think. “Then…you get over it and move on to someone it works with.” She pulled her sister close and kissed her forehead. “If you and Danny really love each other, you’ll make it work.” She slapped Tori upside the head with another small laugh. “And I was supposed to get married first, you jerk!”

Tori laughed as she pulled away. “Trust me when I say no one thought that would happen,” she quipped.

Trina gasped with a playful grin and started a mini war with Tori. And as the girls threw playful punches and hits, Tori felt a little more comfortable about her relationship, and she had more faith than ever that her marriage would work.


	9. I Adore You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here is the timeline I'm working with because I realize it can be a bit confusing with all the jumping around (that being part of the reason this story has been such a challenge):
> 
> Chapter 1. Cat: Sunday, Monday (Week 1)
> 
> Chapter 2. Tori: Tuesday
> 
> Chapter 3. Jade: Wednesday
> 
> Chapter 4. Cat: (Monday) Wednesday, Thursday
> 
> Chapter 5. Tori: Tuesday - Friday
> 
> Chapter 6. Jade: Friday
> 
> Chapter 7. Cat: Monday - Saturday (week 4)
> 
> Chapter 8. Tori: Friday (Week 1), Friday (Week 5)
> 
> Chapter 9. Jade: Saturday, Sunday (Week 1), Week 2, Week 4, Week 5
> 
> Probably the most impractical timeline ever.
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Sky

* * *

_"This is how it ends, never meant to hurt you. I'm a pretty mess and I don't deserve you. I ran out of time and second chances. Sorry, couldn't build your white picket fences." - Adore Delano_

* * *

 

**_Four weeks ago._ **

_The weekend after Jensen's hospital visit, Beck went straight to Two Million Books in the mall to grab as many American Sign Language books as possible. Three hundred dollars later, he brought back eight educational books and he and his fianc_ _é_ _e went to work._

_Much to Jade's very vocal dismay, the books tended to recycle the same material. On a brighter note, however, they finished reading them all by 8pm that night._

_They started with the alphabet._

_The majority of the teaching involved making hand signs, saying the letter, then placing their hands on the toddlers' hands to make them form the same sign while they heard the letter once more. Jensen responded more to his mother than his father, so Jade took him while Beck gave all of his attention to his baby girl._

_Aside from potty breaks, they practiced nonstop until the twins grew impatient and tired._

_At midnight._

_And on that Sunday, they all did the same thing all over again._

_To start paying off Jensen's hospital bills, Beck and Jade decided it best to cut back on luxuries for a while, at least until they could get back on their feet. (And it would be a long while since Jade hated asking her future in-laws for money.) That meant no more of Cat's imported German cookies (unless her mom bought them), Robbie's special cream, Beck's hair care products, or Jade's favorite brand of Mexican coffee, to name a few things._

_And unluckily for Jade, she'd used up the last of her coffee that Sunday afternoon._

_That Monday morning, she didn't speak to anyone as she got ready for school. Without her coffee, she was nothing short of a vicious beast, just waiting for her unsuspecting prey. Natalie was supposed to take Cat to school, so she didn't have to worry about trying not to kill the bubbly redhead. Instead of taking the twins to daycare, Beck had elected to take the semester off since Jensen would need the extra attention, so her ride to school was quiet just like she liked it._

_She struggled to keep her eyes open on the road and only almost crashed twice, so she chalked that up to a victory._

_As she parked her car near the education building in her favorite spot, she could have sworn she saw a hot pink Volkswagen out of the corner of her eye. Her head snapped to the car and she squinted her eyes to get a better look. However, the windows were tinted, so she couldn't make out the driver._

_With a slightly annoyed grunt, she ignored the ugly car and climbed out of her own and made her way to her Chemistry class._

_Unfortunately, she spent the majority of it trying not to fall asleep. Though they finally got to the material, they were only going over simple things that she remembered from high school. She fell asleep twice in the fifty minute class period, and she even started hallucinating things from her sleep deprivation._

_By the time class had let out, she was falling asleep again. She didn't even hear the other students leave, nor did she hear the intruder walk up to her._

_"I would assume you have a nice comfy bed that you share with your fiancé to sleep in," Fletch announced in his stupid, delectable voice._

_She snapped out of her dozing and looked up at him with tightly knit brows. "Are you stalking me or something?" she asked, her voice slurred with sleep._

_"Yours isn't the only class in this room," he reminded her as he slid around the table and took the seat on her right. "You look rather tired."_

_"I haven't been sleeping well," she answered honestly. She didn't have the energy for snarky remarks or venomous words._

_"There is more than enough room at my place if you're looking for somewhere to crash," he offered. A sly smirk spread across his lips. "There's also plenty of space in my bed in particular if you get lonely."_

_Jade sighed tiredly, looking down at her desk. She honestly didn't care that she was going to be late for her English class. "What do you want from me?" she asked quietly._

_"Excuse me?" Fletch questioned. "Could you speak up a bit?"_

_"I said 'What do you want from me?'" she repeated a little louder. "Why are you bothering with me so much?"_

_He gave a goofy grin that Jade didn't see and placed his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands. "You could say I like a challenge," he answered. "And you, Miss West, are proving to be quite the challenge."_

_She smirked in spite of herself. "So you're saying that you'll get bored with me when I'm no longer a challenge," she spoke._

_"I see you're looking into the fine print," he quipped. He contemplated reaching out to grab her hand, but kept his own on the table. He straightened his posture and looked to her seriously. "Right now, you're a challenge; you keep me on edge. I doubt that will change any time soon. There is so much about you that is just waiting to be discovered, and even when I've discovered it all, I know I'll want to discover it all over again. I completely understand how silly I may sound, considering the small amount of time we've known each other, but you're worth every second of every day. No matter what happens, I won't regret the time I've spent trying to know you, Jade West; I'll only regret letting you walk out of my life."_

_For a moment, she sat in silence._

_Who was this stupid boy to say those things to her? Why couldn't he just leave her alone like she'd told him to on the second day of class? She hated him for being so nice to her, for clouding her mind with his stupid persistence. "Just friends" was apparently not an option with him, and she desperately didn't want to cheat on Beck. If Fletch were any other guy, Jade wouldn't bat another eyelash at him._

_Maybe it was because he reminded her so much of her fiancé._

_Before she knew it, his hand was on her left cheek, wiping away a tear. His hand lingered on her skin, slightly cupping her face. Gently, he turned her face to look in her eyes. "You need someone who deserves you," he told her quietly._

_"What makes you so sure you're that someone?" she whispered, looking down at the thumb that stroked her cheek._

_"I guess we'll have to find out," he whispered back._

_She looked up at him as he started to lean into her, but she didn't push him away. She didn't fight the closing of her eyes or the feeling of his lips on hers. She welcomed the warmth of his kiss and the feeling of his bare skin beneath her fingertips as she placed her hand on the side of his neck. She felt him smile into the kiss, but she ignored it. She was too tired to do anything else._

_But somehow, she found the strength to push his lips from hers._

_"I can't," she breathed, resting her forehead against his with her eyes closed._

_"Don't do anything you don't want to," he advised in a hushed tone._

_She looked up at him with a hard stare and slapped his hand away, feeling a surge of adrenaline pumping through her body with the realization of what had just occurred. She slapped him sharply. "Who the_ hell _do you think you are?" she shouted. "I told you I have a fiancé; I have_ kids _with him. The last thing I need in my life is some stupid rich boy who thinks he can have whatever his daddy's money will buy him!"_

_A coughing startled both of them and they looked to the front of the room. A woman with long, wavy brown hair stood with her arms crossed in front of her neatly pressed blue blouse atop her black pencil skirt. She tapped her black flats on the linoleum. "I would suggest the library," she began snippily, "Or, if you're feeling spontaneous, I'm sure you two have rooms of your own."_

_Her eyes filling with venom, Jade directed her anger toward the disrespectful teacher. "I_ don't _care that you're a teacher," she hissed. "Be lucky that I'm already late for my next class. Bother me again and you'll wish you_ didn't _live to regret it." With that, she stormed out of the class without so much as another word to the teacher or Fletch._

_He smirked once more as he rose from his chair and put his hands in his pockets. "I like 'em feisty," he joked with an exaggerated shrug, turning on his heels and sauntering out of the class. Whatever the woman—who grew increasingly red in the face—was teaching, he was glad he didn't have her._

_That would have been awkward._

* * *

_And I only got myself to blame._

* * *

_Instead of going straight to her class, Jade decided to take a quick nap in the back of the education building where no one would find her, where she wouldn't have to deal with that pigheaded idiot. She set her phone to go off one minute before class started. She also decided to go into the front of the classroom, to get as far away from Fletch as possible._

_As she entered the room, the teacher was just about to start his lesson, so any other seat moving would yield a tedious lecture of disdain. She smiled slightly to herself, but the momentary pleasure depleted when she looked up to the middle of the room and caught a glimpse of a brunette that reminded her a lot of that annoying Christiane girl._

_From what Jade could see, the girl had upturned and strikingly gunmetal eyes that seemed to bore into Jade's face. Her long, whiskey locks draped over the front of her chest, presumably falling into her lap, covering most of the hot pink sundress she wore. Her thick carmine lips stretched to the size of California as she twirled her fingers to the Goth in a mocking wave._

_"Would you like to take a seat?" her teacher questioned snippily, tearing Jade from the strange sight. "Or would you like to take over today's lecture since you're up here with me?"_

_There were a few snickers behind her as she turned to look at the rude old man, but she refused to let anyone see her embarrassment as she give him her most demonic scowl and took her seat._

* * *

_And I only got myself to blame._

* * *

**_Two weeks ago._ **

_She wasn't sure if was her sleep deprivation or her increasingly diminishing sanity, but she continued to see Christiane—or rather, girls that looked like her—everywhere she went._

_She saw the creepy brunette in her classes, in the grocery store, and even at the mall. She tried to chalk it up to coincidence, that many people could look like the Southern Belle, but she was certain that she did, in fact, see Christiane constantly._

_It seemed distasteful to visit her brother in disguise again with his parole hearing coming up, but she needed to know more about her presumed stalker._

_After class, in which she avoided Fletch at all costs, she went home to retrieve the bag of clothes she had moved from her trunk to her closet._

_And instead of parking the car in her driveway, she parked it two houses down in the event that Beck would be home—though he had no reason to be home this early in the day—and question her about her intentions._

_She smirked slightly to herself and entered her empty home when she didn't see her fiancé's truck in the driveway._

_It felt strange, having her home so quiet; Beck decided to stay the weekend at his parents; house and took the twins with him to give his fiancée a break from teaching so she could get decent sleep. This time, she didn't fight him and readily welcomed the bed that was far too big for just one person._

_He'd be home later that day, so she needed to hurry up and see Liam and be back before Beck got home. She didn't like lying to him, but she would if she had to; no matter what he said, he would never understand why she went to see her delinquent brother._

_As she was about to head upstairs, she heard tires crunch across the gravel. Panic shooting through her, she dashed to one of the windows and pulled the curtain back just enough to not be noticed. She grimaced upon seeing a black Escalade in her driveway with Cat and Natalie giggling in the front._

_She went over to the couch and sat down with her grimace intact, crossing her arms and legs in wait. Her menacing gaze pointed toward the door stopped the redhead in her tracks once inside the house._

_"H-hi, Jade," the tiny mother stuttered._

_"Why do you look so guilty, Cat?" the Goth asked in a loaded tone. She wasn't even being good at hiding her stupid affair! "Are you going back out there after you leave your kid and pretend you're not even her mother?"_

_"I'm not leaving her!" Cat cried. "She just needs to spend more time with the twins."_

_"So you can run around with that slut out there?" Jade fired. What nerve did she have, bringing that tramp where she didn't belong? "You think I don't know what you're doing? You're out nearly every night with her and you're hardly ever home. Are you fucking her? Does Robbie know you're cheating on him? Don't tell me she hasn't tried to do anything with you, Cat; she looks like a fucking dyke!"_

_"She looks like you!" the petite girl spat back, the intensity of her voice frightening her._

_"_ Oh _," the alabaster scream queen uttered in offense. So the little brat thought she was being an adult now; well, she picked the wrong person to stand up to. After_ everything _she'd done for Cat, this was how she wanted to talk to her best friend. Granted, Jade knew her methods of helping were atypical, but she could just as much tell her 'best friend' to fuck off._

_And she was getting pretty close to that._

_She shot up from the couch, stamping her feet. "Who the hell do you think you are? You have a boyfriend who loves you and would do anything for you, friends who actually give a damn about you when no one else will, and a kid who_ needs _you! But despite_ all of that _, you want to go sneaking around with someone who wants nothing more to_ fuck _you because he sees you as some trophy to be stolen since you have a fiancé and wouldn't even give you the time of day otherwise!"_

_She slapped her arms in front of her chest, digging her nails into her bare arms and clenching her eyes shut among pursed lips._

Shit.

_Goddammit._

_She needed to get a grip. Why was she bringing Fletch into this? She was done with him! But…his kiss was enticing and she couldn't help but want more…_

No, _she admonished._ This is about Cat, not you. Fuck that stupid asshole.

_"Jade?" Cat called after a brief silence. She almost didn't speak at all out of fear of being crushed by the unfaltering tension should she even breathe._

_"Get out!" her friend exploded. She pointed one of her black claws at the stairwell. "Pack up your shit and leave. If Natalie cares about you more than I do, more than Beck does, and especially more than your own goddamn boyfriend does, then you can just take your ungrateful ass out of this house and go live with her! If she cares about you as much as you_ naively  _think she does, then she would have no problem with you living with her!"_

_"Y-you can't kick me out…" Cat stammered sheepishly._

_"Oh, I can't?" Jade scoffed, her eyes widening with the challenge. "What are you gonna do about it, huh? You need to get your life together and you're obviously too stupid to do that here!"_

_"Well maybe you should mind your own business!" Cat fired back, finding her voice. She put Cassie's carrier down and crossed her arms. "You're so mean lately! If I were Beck, I wouldn't have come back when you threw me out. Maybe if you were nicer, he would love you like Natalie loves me!"_

_Jade scoffed ruefully, rolling her eyes and looking away to chuckle. "You think she loves you?" she snarled, meeting her friend's eyes. "You haven't even known her for half a semester and you think she loves you? She only wants to fuck you; that's all_ anyone's _ever wanted to do, but you're too goddamn stupid to realize that. That stupid bitch out in that car is taking advantage of you, trying to tear you away from the only person who wants to build a life with you, the only person who will wait until you're ready to have sex, just like he's been doing for the past two years!"_

 _With that, she stormed over to the steps and clogged up them, making her way to Cat's room. She ripped the door open and looked down at Cat with fire in her eyes. "Hurry up and pack up and get the hell out of my sight!" she screeched. "If Natalie_ really _loves you, then she'll just love it when you move in with her."_

_Then she thundered off to her room, slamming her door loudly._

_Fury surging through her, Jade stormed over to the closet and punched the wall as hard as she could. As her hand went through it, she let out a loud scream of pain._

_Great, she'd busted the wall and her hand…_

_Growling, she trudged to the bathroom, holding her inured hand gingerly. Beck kept a first aid kit beneath the sink, so she grabbed that and the hydrogen peroxide to soothe her increasing stinging sensation._

_Finally looking at her hand, she sighed._

_How could she be so stupid? She still hadn't told Beck that Fletch kissed her two weeks ago, or that his flirting was beginning to become relentless. She'd let this idiot stay in her life, and now she had contracted his absurdity._

_Her knuckles were bleeding and already starting to swell, but there were no protruding bones, so maybe she didn't break her hand after all._

_After bandaging it up, she went back to the guest room, catching the tail end of red and pink flying out the door. Then, heading straight for the closet without turning on the light, she struggled slightly with the hidden compartment's opening. She reached for the box at the bottom of the compartment and pulled it out. Shifting it with her arms since she couldn't hold it with her other hand, she flipped the lid off and let it fall to the floor. She reached in and pulled out her fake ID and one hundred forty dollars, nearly the last of the money she'd saved over the course of two years; she'd leave the rest of it to help pay off her son's hospital bills…or to get coffee._

_She stuffed the money into her pocket and put the box back in the compartment before placing its covering back, making it as if she were never there._

_She bounded down the stairs and darted out the back door, trying to get to her car as quickly as possible without the fear of running into her fiancé._

* * *

_And I only got myself to blame._

* * *

_The trip to the gas station was easier this time, and she didn't have to put up a fight with the manager to use the bathroom. Backpack in hand, she exited the bathroom wearing her blonde wig braided to the side, a strapless floral shirt tucked into high wasted jean shorts, and white ankle boots with diamonds along the chunky heel._

_She slid her sunglasses on and made her way back to the car._

_A chill ran down her spine the minute she entered the prison. It almost felt like someone was watching her, but she chalked it up to the industrial air-conditioning and her lack of clothing._

_Once again, she relinquished every piece of jewelry on her neck, wrists, hands, etc., and went through the metal detector. When she got to the visitor's desk, the same officer asked for her name, ID, and who she was here to see without bothering to look at her. But as he lifted his eyes, she slipped the money she brought beneath the opening at the bottom of the window._

_"Liam West?" the officer asked as he slid the money beneath the desk and slipped it into his pocket. Jade nodded and he pointed to the large doors she went through last time. "He'll be out shortly."_

_And with a quick "thanks," Jade entered the visiting area and chose the only free table in the ridiculously crowded room._

_She picked at her nail polish as she waited; she'd let her nails chip from putting her full attention on the twins, so she would have to force some time to repaint them. She'd almost completely scraped off all the polish when her half-brother rolled into the room._

_"We have to stop meeting like this," he joked as he wheeled up to the table._

_"Who's Christiane?" she spat with a scowl, cutting straight to the chase._

_The small smile on Liam's face fell and his face paled. "Why?" he questioned after a brief silence._

_Jade sighed and lowered her head, running her hand along the back of her neck beneath her faux braid. "I went to the house last month and met her," she announced. She lifted her head with a hard glare. "I've been seeing her everywhere ever since. She asked if I knew you, so tell me how you know her."_

_Mimicking his sister, Liam lowered his head with a sigh, dragging what was left of his nails along the back of his neck. "She's my ex-girlfriend," he answered, keeping his eyes on his lap. He looked at his free hand on his leg, and his sister could see the memories being relived on his face. "I met her a few years back when I was stationed in North Carolina. I met her in town one weekend and I'd go back every weekend just to see her." He paused and took in a deep breath, the pain of remembrance discoloring his face. "We…got real close and I guess I really loved her._

_"She…she got pregnant and I planned on marrying her."_

_"I thought you said you didn't believe in marriage," she interrupted. She put her elbows on the table and placed her head in her hand, glaring at him. "So she's stalking me for child support from you?"_

_"Shut the fuck up," he hissed, snapping his head up to her. Out of forgotten habit, she jumped and sat back in her chair. He pursed his lips, locking malicious eyes with her own. "We were gonna get married, but then she lost the baby._

_"The doctor said it was a miracle she even got pregnant in the first place, that I had a small chance to ever have kids; that's why I didn't believe you when you told me you were pregnant. Losing the baby…changed both of us._

_"We wouldn't talk to each other for weeks, and then I couldn't bring myself to talk to her when she finally decided she wanted to talk again. But she kept trying to get my attention, sending me about twenty messages and fifteen phone calls every thirty minutes. They had to put out a court so she wouldn't show up around the base anymore. I guess I forgot about her after being shipped overseas."_

_"So why is she bothering_ me _, Liam?" Jade seethed._

_Her brother simply shrugged. "How the hell should I know?" he retorted. "She's fucking crazy."_

_With a loud, annoyed groan, she shot up from the table and stormed out. Technically, she got what she came for, but she probably could have gotten more if her brother wasn't an idiot._

_Leaving the prison, she spotted that God-awful Volkswagen…as well as its driver sitting on the hood with her legs crossed and a devious smile. She raised her hand slightly and twinkled her fingers in that prissy little wave that Jade despised._

_Gritting her teeth and locking her jaw, she clomped over to the car, her stylish boots making more noise than her combat boots on the pavement. "What the hell do you want from me?" she accused venomously. "Stop following me around!"_

_"Why, whatever do you mean?" Christiane asked over the sound of her old engine running, holding her hand to her chest in shock, her thick Southern accent grinding in the mis-dressed Goth. "Jade, was it? I was just working on my tan."_

_Jade rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, her posture slouched to the side. "So you chose the courthouse parking lot," she jeered._

_"It's a public area," the brunette reminded, her plump lips falling into a disgusted frown. "Do you realize how much trouble you could get in for seeing someone you have a restraining order against? With a fake ID, no less?"_

_The blonde could feel her face paling as her mouth twitched from surprise. "So you're gonna rat me out?"_

_Christiane shrugged, her smile returning as she tilted her head back and let the sun kiss her skin as her hair hung freely behind her. "Not necessarily," she answered. "But I do intend to make sure you get what you deserve."_

_"What I_ deserve _?" Jade repeated incredulously, rolling her neck in disbelief. "For what?"_

 _"For wrongfully putting a wonderful man like Liam in jail," her antagonist answered simply. She looked to Jade with cold eyes and a menacing grimace. "He didn't do any of those things you said about him; you can lie to the court all you want, but I know better. He would_ never _do something like that. And isn't it funny how you happened to be pregnant and without a boyfriend? It must have been easy to blame a good man for something he didn't do."_

_"You're a shitty stalker, you know that?" the twenty-year old antagonized. "Maybe if you had half a brain, you'd see that Liam isn't a saint like you naively think he is. So how about you take your perky little Southern ass and—"_

_"_ No _," the twenty-four year-old interrupted loudly, jumping down from the hood and standing up straight. "How about_ you  _get in that dinky little car of yours and drive it off a bridge. You're a worthless, lying, slut; you said whatever you wanted to make sure you came out on top, dragging your own blood through the mud. If you ever come near my Liam again, the first words that come out of your brats' mouths will be 'Where's Mama?'"_

_Sneering and keeping eye contact with the disbelieving girl before her, she stepped back and ripped her car door open. Without closing the door, she slammed on the gas, barely missing Jade as she sped off._

* * *

_And I only got myself to blame._

* * *

**Present day.**

It had been nearly a month since Fletcher Sage Wells III had kissed her—three weeks since she slapped him for it—and she was beginning to think he gave up on her. In a way, she was glad; she didn't have time to deal with him while she was tending to her son. On top of her regular schoolwork, she was constantly teaching herself sign language so she could teach it to Jensen.

And while she despised Fletch, she greatly enjoyed his attention.

Other than the twins, she didn't have much human interaction. Upon his arrival in LA after his family business, Beck put most of his attention toward his son. Aside from a quick peck on the cheek and a rushed "I love you," he hardly gave his fiancée the time of day.

And with kicking Cat out and Robbie bumming it out at his parents' apartment, Jade was lonely.

In the week after she visited her brother and had that disgraceful confrontation with the bitch formerly known as Christiane Holland Ford, she'd tried numerous things to get Beck to spend time with her. When they were both home and Robbie was locked away in the room he shared with Cat to play with Cassie, she tried rubbing his shoulders and kissing his neck. She would touch him in the spots that turned him on, and she even tried taking some of her clothes off.

However, they were only together around the twins, so he would get mad at her for trying to do anything sexual. He would gently push her away no matter how many times she came at him, and he would remain calm even as she grew angry with him.

As the week progressed, she gave up on the sexual advances and went for the more drastic measures. She tried more natural-looking makeup, darker makeup than she normally wore, different hairstyles, more provocative clothing, and even a shudder-inducing pushup bra. She'd even dipped into her secret wardrobe in efforts to impress him.

By Friday, she'd run out of options.

The only thing she had left was her remembrance of a small conversation she'd had with him before they started dating. It could have been a joke, but he'd mentioned how he loved blonde girls and hated how the majority of them lived up to the "dumb blonde" stereotype.

Begrudgingly, she bleached the black out of her hair until she was nothing more than a bottle blonde. Though it killed her, she laughed when she looked in the mirror, realizing how much she and Jensen looked alike. She felt…odd being a blonde, almost like she was turning her back on who she really was. But she was at her breaking point, and she would do just about anything to get Beck to give her the time of day.

Feeling emotionally drained from her failing relationship, she  _apologized_  to Cat and let her come back home. She vaguely remembered telling Robbie about the whole ordeal though…

The new color didn't help, and she sat in her Roman Archaeology the following Monday with her traitorous blonde locks pulled back into a messy bun on top of her head. It was exceptionally hot, so she wore white shorts that complemented her white sandals and one of her strapless blouses. Now all she needed was a big cup of Starbucks and her hipster transformation would be complete.

"I have to say," Fletch began, jumping over the row of seats and plopping down into the one beside Jade in the front of the class. She'd given up on trying to avoid him by being exactly on time, and she'd been the first one in the room. "You've made this class exceptionally interesting this past month. But now it seems you're trying to copy my style."

Jade sneered and kept her eyes forward on the large projector screen at the front of the classroom, refusing to meet his eyes. "I don't have to explain myself," she spat.

He smiled and crossed his legs, resting his left foot on his right knee. "Of course you don't," he retorted. "It's obvious that your little fiancé hasn't been noticing you, so you're trying to shake things up."

"You don't know anything," she snarled, squinting at the large white mass and clenching her fist tightly while her head rested in her free hand.

"Maybe I don't," he agreed, "But I'd like to. I've had my eyes on you, Miss West, and you've entertained me with how much you've been changing your look. If you ask me, your special guy isn't so special if you have to keep recreating yourself to get his attention."

"And you do?" she growled, snapping her head to him. "I'm getting  _tired_  of you hitting on me."

"Is that so?" he asked cockily. "If that were the case, wouldn't have come to class so early. Like me, you come unnecessarily early and just sit here. You leave right after class, though, so it's safe to say you've got other commitments. But it seems like you want to make me one of those before-class commitments."

She scoffed and turned in her seat to give him her full attention. "Listen," she began slowly, her voice dripping with malice, "I have two kids, and one of them was born with some genetic thing that's making him go deaf. I have to learn sign language while simultaneously  _teaching_  both of them. The only time I spend with my fiancé, we're learning and teaching. On top of that, I have a shit ton of school work. Maybe, just  _maybe_ , I like to come to class early so I can have some goddamn time to myself."

He smiled a dazzling smile, completely disregarding her venomous nature. "That sounds like you need an escape," he pointed out. "And if you're really looking, you know where to find me." With that, he stood up and fished around in the large pocket of his khaki cargo pants to pull out a folded white paper. He held it between his index and middle finger with a sly smile. "In case you can't find me."

She watched in disgust as he put the paper on her desk and turned on his heels, ascending the stairs back to his seat. She didn't have to unfold the paper to know that he'd given her his phone number. She grabbed it and almost crumpled it up, but something in her told her not to. Instead, she opened it when she was sure he wasn't looking and entered the number into her cell. She wasn't sure why she did it, though.

She'd never use it.

* * *

_And I only got myself to blame._

* * *

"Let's go see a movie or something," she suggested, following him around the kitchen like a lost puppy.

"Can't," he responded curtly, making his way back to the living room. "If we stop teaching the twins, they'll forget what they learned." He bent over and picked up Darla, lightly tapping on her nose and making her giggle happily. He looked to Jade with dull eyes and a tired smile. "Darla learned how to sign 'daddy' already."

Jade groaned and cross her arms expectantly. "Put her down," she commanded.

Raised brow, Beck complied.

Once free, Darla stood and tottered over to her brother, further impressing her father with how quickly she was getting better at walking.

"I'm getting tired of your shit, Beck," she spat.

"Watch your language around the babies, Jade," he returned angrily. "I told you about that."

"I don't care, Beck!" she shouted, throwing up her arms in exasperation. "For once, I wish you would care about me; we've been teaching them nonstop for a month now and you hardly give me the time of day! It's like you're becoming a stranger, and you know how I feel about strangers!"

"I'm trying to make sure that our son can live as normal of a life as possible!" he yelled, causing Darla to start whimpering. "He needs more attention than a normal child."

"I  _understand_  that," she acknowledged tiredly, "But that doesn't mean you should neglect your fiancé. You didn't notice I dyed my hair and you didn't even  _bother_  asking me how I broke my hand. We haven't even had sex in two months!"

"And that's my fault?" he questioned loudly. "I'm doing all I can to support us. I dropped out of school and  _essentially_  put my life on hold to care for this family!"

As if hit with a jolt of electricity, Jade's posture straightened and her eyes widened with this new revelation. "You should leave then," she said quietly. "You shouldn't be here if we're such a burden." She turned toward the stairs. "I'd leave, but the bank owns my old house."

"Jade, wait!" he called as she went up to her room.

"Take the twins with you when you go," she ordered just as calmly as before. She locked the door after entering the bedroom.

* * *

_And I only got myself to blame._

* * *

For the rest of the week, Fletch left her alone.

He didn't look her way, he didn't speak to her, and he didn't even come to class that Friday. She came to class early as usual, but he snubbed her. As much as she would never admit it, she liked his attention. It felt nice to be noticed, and he reminded her a lot of Beck before they started dating.

As with Fletch, Beck had noticed Jade first.

_He had just moved to LA with his parents, and he hadn't had the time to make any friends before his first day of school. Word travelled fast in middle school, especially one like Hollywood Arts, and everyone anticipated his arrival._

_His hair was longer back then, and he wore it tied back at the nape of his neck. His facial features were softer than they were now, and his muscles were considerably smaller. But even seven years ago, he was one of the most sought after boy at Hollywood Arts' middle school program._

_He had shared his first class with Jade, and she'd already seated herself near the front of the classroom. When he had walked in, she was the only one who didn't turn around to stare him down. All the girls with their high ponytails and excessive, unnatural makeup had turned to each other and whispered loudly as he entered the room. Some had even tried to flirt with their eyes. They were very provocative twelve year olds._

_Instead of giving them any attention, he had gone straight for the seat beside Jade. She sat with her arms and legs crossed, her face etched with a deep scowl. She was really into tutus back then, so the black fabric sat ruffled around her hips, exposing the majority of her pale legs. Her combat boots came up to her mid calves and she wore a black tank top that happened to be the only thing to suit the California heat. Her hair was as long as it was now and she'd worn it down with multicolored hair extensions. Her dark makeup was the thickest would ever be._

_Maybe Canadian girls didn't dress like her._

_It was rare for Beck to stutter, but he had the hardest time trying to stammer out a greeting to her._

_"Don't talk to me," she'd ordered with a leveled voice. She didn't even look at him. "I'm here to pretend to learn, not socialize."_

_"W-well maybe you could socialize after school?" he'd offered. He cleared his throat, trying to steady his voice. "I just moved here, but maybe I could take you somewhere."_

_Her lip had twitched, like it did whenever she was about to snap at someone to scare them away. "Are you hitting on me?" she'd sneered, keeping her eyes at the front of the classroom. It was preposterous that any boy would have the nerve to do such a thing._

_"I wouldn't say that," he'd answered, getting his confidence back. Even then, he knew he couldn't come on too strong or she'd discontinue their conversation. "I'm just suggesting we hang out."_

_"I have enough friends," she'd spat. Her hatred of anyone who wasn't Cat—and sometimes Liam—was at an all-time high._

_Though she didn't see, he smirked. It was almost as if she'd wanted him to keep up with her. "And I have none," he'd replied. "I was hoping—"_

_"I'll be your friend!" another girl had chimed in, shaking the row of seats as she jumped in the one beside this new boy. The sound of her voice caused Jade's lip to twitch even more. She'd never said a word to Mackenzie Day, and there was good reason; the girl was too preppy and too cheery for the wannabe Goth girl. She also made a habit of trying to humiliate Jade when it came to sports, mainly since Jade refused to play them._

_Jade narrowed her eyes and turned to Mackenzie, completely looking past Beck. She gripped the edge of her chair and slammed her feet down on the ground. "Find your own friends," she'd snarled, marking her territory. "We're hanging out today."_

_"But that's after school!" Mackenzie had whined, an irritating noise, "He can have lunch with me if he wants."_

_"Not if he's having lunch with me," Jade grimaced. "Leave."_

_Mackenzie_ hmph _ed and shot up from her chair, storming off as her short blonde hair flew around her face. Jade leaned back in her seat, smirking slightly as the annoying girl took her seat by her equally annoying friends. She took a strong sense of pride in humiliating people, even when she was only thirteen._

_"So we're having lunch now?" Beck had quipped, hiding his giddy excitement. He was moving faster than he thought he would, but she was a challenge even back then, and he would grow to love that about her._

_She scowled and turned to the boy beside her. Her lips faltered slightly, but she quickly hardened her face. This boy before her was cute, cuter than any other boy, and he looked like he had potential. She was a little interested in him, mainly because he was the first boy to talk to her since she was six. He also had the potential of being cute arm candy, even if he wasn't her type._

_"You might as well tell me your stupid name," she spat. "I hate strangers."_

_"I'm Beck Oliver," he answered with a warm smile. "Tell me your name and we'll no longer be strangers."_

_"Jade West," she returned, turning back in her seat to face the front of the class. And back then, Jade West never smiled, so her lips twisted in a silly little cross between a grimace and a smirk._

_He was lucky he was remotely cute._

_She never laughed much when she was going through her darkest phase, but from their first lunch date, he had her laughing and chuckling like any other girl. Cat took well to him, too, and she respected that Jade was interested in him. Even if she wasn't the brightest bulb, she'd known Jade for all of her life and knew of her budding crush on the new Canadian boy without so much as a word._

_She remembered how she tried to act as nonchalant as she could around Beck, but she would get insanely jealous when any other girl tried to talk to him. She kept insisting that they were only friends, but her mixed signals only pushed him to try harder to win her over._

_He flirted with her for about a month before her jealousy overwhelmed her and she declared that he was her boyfriend without an actual date. And that tiny, eighth grade declaration lasted for seven years—not counting their Liam-induced breakup._

Jade felt like Beck had stopped caring, like she wasn't a challenge for him anymore. She felt selfish for wanting so much of his attention when they were both busy with the twins, but she thought she deserved  _some_  sort of recognition. Apparently, she was only weighing him down.

And she couldn't find it in herself to fight for him anymore.

Fletch came to class that Monday, but he'd come a minute before the teacher began the lecture. He'd even taken a seat three rows away from her when she'd tried to sit beside his usual seat. She knew what he was doing, and that pissed her off. He knew she would want to talk to him, so he was making it hard for her. He was trying to play games with her, and she didn't like that.

If anyone was going to play those games, it was damn sure gonna be her.

* * *

_And I only got myself to blame._

* * *

She couldn't sleep.

She still hated sleeping alone, but she was determined not to cave in and let him come back home. She was holding him back, so now she had to force herself to let him go. And when she was ready, they would discuss custody.

When she was younger, her mother would make her a cup of warm milk for her sleepless nights. And while Jade thought milk was disgusting, she would drink it anyway because her mother made it for her. Liam was stupid for thinking she took her mother for granted.

Slowly, she climbed out of bed and grabbed her phone. She left her bedroom as quietly as possible and crept down to the nursery. Gently, she opened the door to look inside and check on the three sleeping toddlers. A small smile rippled through her lips as she looked upon the tuckered out angels. And when she made sure they were all safe and soundly asleep, she closed the door as gingerly as she'd opened it.

As she descended the stairs, she checked her phone. 5:38 AM. Her first class today was at eight, so she decided that she might as well just stay awake. She threw out the idea of warm milk and went straight for the coffee maker. About five hours after she kicked Beck out, she made a late night coffee run.

Thank God for twenty-four hour grocery stores.

When she got the machine ready and turned it on, she heard annoyed groans coming from the living room. With a raised brow, she stood on her tip toes to see over the back of the couch and saw a patch of dark hair. She could hardly tell, but she thought she saw the faint outlines of curls that mixed with the darkness of the room.

She lowered her brow and rolled her eyes, turning back to the coffee maker.

Cat probably kicked Robbie out of her room again. She'd been doing it for the past week. If she had it in her to care, Jade would probably wonder why Robbie was still hanging around if they were arguing so much. But, Cat was the best Robbie would get, to be honest.

Jade also realized it wasn't any of her business.

Looking back at her phone, she bit her lip. Would Fletch be awake if she texted him? Would he be mad if she called him at this hour? She at least wanted someone to talk to, and he was the only one around. It wouldn't be cheating if she just  _talked_  to him.

Out of annoyance, she slammed her phone down on the counter, uncaring if she woke Robbie up. She was not about to play into his little game. She had the feeling that if she only used him to talk, he would probably push for more. She would rather die before she cheated on Beck, so she would just have to suck it up. She shouldn't have even put his stupid number in her phone.

That resolve lasted about as long as it took to finish her coffee.

**5:42 AM, To: Stupid Arrogant Rich Boy**

**Meet me at the park by the school in twenty minutes.**

_5:44 AM, From: Stupid Arrogant Rich Boy_

_Don't you think it's a little early to be cavorting about, Miss West?_

**5:45 AM, To: Stupid Arrogant Rich Boy**

**Don't make me regret this.**

_5:45 AM, From: Stupid Arrogant Rich Boy_

_Alright, alright. I'll be there in fifteen._

**5:45 PM, To: Stupid Arrogant Rich Boy**

**Good.**

She should have been ashamed of herself, but she couldn't help her thoughts about Fletch and how she couldn't believe that she'd actually kissed him. She'd cheated on Beck. She'd done something she never thought she'd ever do, and he didn't suspect a thing.

And to be honest, the thought of him finding out about her little budding affair enticed her.

Would he get mad? Of course he would. Would he be hurt and realize that it was his own fault that she turned to the devilishly handsome and wealthy boy? In her mind, yes. Would he beat Fletch up? She hoped there would be a good chance. She would do anything to make Beck show something for her, yet she felt bad that this was her last resort.

But it was too late for any other options.

So as she crept down the hall and the stairs, and even past Robbie asleep on the couch, she felt a twinge of regret. She thought about her conversation with her brother in prison and how he said that their mother had cheated on his father and had an illegitimate child. She wasn't even married, and she was following in her mother's footsteps. She needed to stop, turn around, go back inside, and curl up in bed to get some extra sleep before class. She needed to just face her problems dead on and talk to Beck about what had been happening.

It was almost as if she couldn't stop herself from getting in her car and driving to the park. It was like she was being pulled to this stupid boy. She told herself that would everything would be okay as long as she resolved not to sleep with him.

That resolve lasted about a week.

After class, he'd taken her to the Sunset Tower Hotel. She didn't tell him she'd kicked Beck out (again), so he took it upon himself to give her a place to sleep at night.

And, boy, did he do it.

He'd put them up in one of the townhouse suites. For starters, it had the biggest bathroom she'd ever seen. The bathtub could fit probably five people in it, and the freakin' shower could fit ten! The furniture was made of rich Corinthian leather, the beds of fine Egyptian cotton. The room looked over Sunset Beach, giving them one of the best views in all of California. The living room was probably the size of her house! One of the best things about the suite was the complimentary in-room spa services that she  _definitely_  took advantage of.

She lucked out, enamoring the son of the hotel's wealthy founding family.

Everything about her was on fire when she was with him. Everything changed when she was with him and she liked that. Every touch, ever kiss, every breath sparked in her. As she spent more and more late nights with him, she grew attracted to him to the point where her body burned for him. By the middle of the week, it had gotten to the point where she couldn't even look at him without feeling a stirring sensation between her legs.

The sex was amazing.

The way his hands caressed her body, the way her body fit into his, the way her body trembled with his head between her legs, made her forget all about Beck. She felt dirty for being with Fletch, but she loved it. She needed him, and he gave her the impression that he needed her as well. She wanted to forget about everything that wasn't Fletch, even if that meant pushing the thoughts of her children aside.

Did that make her a bad person? She was running when things were starting to get tough. Beck stood by her when things were tough two years ago, but now she was turning her back on him. What kind of girlfriend did that?

"What are you thinking about?" Fletch asked quietly as he traced circles on her back with his index finger, snapping Jade from her thoughts.

Honestly, she was thinking about how good their previous go round was, but he didn't need to know that. The blankets had been thrown around the bed, but now they were crumpled at the waists of the two twenty-year olds. Her browning hair hung in curtains around her face as she pressed it into the pillow, crossing her feet at the ankles.

"I don't like this," she retorted, her voice muffled by the unbelievably soft pillow.

"Yes you do," he countered with a small laugh. He placed the palm of his hand on the small of her back just above the covers. "You wouldn't be here if you didn't."

Jade whipped her hair around and turned her head to the boy beside her in this unfamiliar bed. "I'm cheating on my fiancé," she reminded.

Fletch's smile fell slightly, and it honestly hurt her to watch it leave. "You never say his name," he pointed out. "I know so much about you and your kids, but nothing about him. It's almost like you're trying to forget about him."

Her eyes lowered to his hair that grazed his pillow. "It's not that," she confessed. She sighed softly and buried her face back into the pillow. "I'm tired." She turned her back to him and pulled the covers up to her chin, kicking out the bottom of them so they'd cover her feet. "Goodnight."

He snaked an arm around her waist and kissed the back of her head as he nuzzled closer to her beneath the sheets. "Sleep well, Miss West."

* * *

_And I only got myself to blame._

* * *

She'd spent the entire Friday night with Fletch. It was now one in the afternoon, and neither young adult had left the bed since eight PM the previous night.

Her chest heaved from lack of energy, and she hummed softly at the end of a gentle sigh. She never thought she'd see the day when she would be gentle with anyone but Beck.

"Jade," Fletch whispered, tracing circles with his pointer finger on her shoulder.

"Yeah?' she asked quietly, closing her eyes. She could hardly bring herself to look at him.

"Let's take a trip to France," he suggested in a quiet, whimsical voice. "We can go over Thanksgiving Break."

Jade looked up at him with a wild, confused look in her eyes. "L-let's go!" she stammered incredulously without hesitation. It almost worried her how quickly she'd agreed to his suggestion, but she realized she wanted nothing more than to get as far away from her troubles—even if for only a week—as possible. "But why France?"

"To help you learn the language," he answered simply with a proud grin. She'd briefly mentioned how she'd always wanted to learn French, but she didn't think he would remember that.

Maybe they'd take a plane and she could experience what it was like to travel first class. Or maybe they could take a cruise if she asked. He had this look in his eyes that said he would do anything she asked if it made her happy. She could use that to her advantage, but she couldn't find it in herself to use him or hurt him like that.

There was some sort of stupid infatuation between the two of them and she didn't feel like herself. But somehow, she was okay with that. She felt…calm with Fletch, and she wasn't used to feeling like that. Even with Beck, she had the constant, nagging worry that he would leave her for one of the floozies that was always trying to get his attention. But Fletch made it blatantly obvious that she was the only girl for him.

"I'll…tell him that I'm going out of town for a school thing," she announced. "I'll make something up later. He'll have a whole week for nothing but the twins."

"Why won't you let me see them?" Fletch asked after a brief silence. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Jade, and that includes your kids." He kissed her forehead, keeping his lips pressed there for a moment. Then he rest his chin atop her head. "Does…it have anything to do with your brother?"

There were nights where Jade would fall asleep before Fletch would, and he would often hear her murmuring in her sleep about Liam. Sometimes she would have nightmares about him, causing her to twitch in her sleep and even thrash about. She would even scream when he was asleep, startling them both awake. The first night she screamed, he made her tell him about Liam while he held her in his arms to soothe her.

She looked away and sat up, pressing the covers against her chest. "I should go home," she said, changing the subject. "I…haven't seen my kids in a few days."

"They have their dad," he protested, sitting up and wrapping his arms around her waist. He turned her to face him and kissed her gently. She pressed her eyes shut tightly, not waiting to go back to their previous conversation. "Stay another night…"

Jade pressed her forehead to his and huffed, keeping her eyes closed. "He'll get suspicious," she pointed out. She opened her eyes and gave him a small smile. "I'll spend every night with you when we're in France."

He smiled back at her and gave her a quick kiss. "I have something," he announced, turning to the bedside drawer. He pulled out a large square box and opened it in front of her to reveal the most beautiful necklace she'd ever seen. Curling metallic leaves surrounded the crimson-laced, royal blue stone that sparkled in her eyes.

"It's called a dragon's breath fire opal," he told her as she moved her hair out of the way and turned around so he could put it on her. "I found it last week on a trip with my mother, and I knew it would look perfect on you." He slipped his hand beneath her hair and cupped her neck, staring deeply into her eyes. "I think I'm falling in love with you, Jade."

And just like that, those eight words gave her every ounce of power in her relationship with the rich boy. If she wanted, she could crush his every being and revel in her mayhem like she used to before she met Beck. But…she never wanted to hurt Beck, and she knew that she would never want to hurt Fletch either.

Did that mean she was falling in love with him as well?

She should have said 'thank you,' but that still wasn't part of her nature. Instead, she kissed him deeply and got out of bed. "I really have to get back, though," she pressed. As she gathered her clothes, Fletch groaned and crawled over the bed, propping up his arms and resting his head in his hands. He watched her as she reluctantly dressed; it always felt weird getting dressed after hours upon hours of gallivanting au natural.

Not bothering to cover himself, Fletch stood once Jade was fully clothed and gave her a kiss goodbye. "Text me when you get home," he requested.

"I'll think about it," she returned with a mischievous smirk.

And with that, she left him alone and exposed in the obnoxiously fancy hotel room.

As Jade left the room, she listened to the gentle thud of her onyx combat boots hitting the red carpet. There was no denying how happy Fletch made her, and how unhappy Beck was making her. He hadn't  _really_  done anything wrong, but it was still a lot to take in. She hated feeling unwanted, especially by someone she'd invested seven years of her time into.

If she left Beck for Fletch, what would she do about Darla and Jensen? There was no way in hell she would let him have full custody of  _her_  children without a fight. If he took her to court, she would do everything in her power to keep him from taking them away from her.

Could she deal with partial custody, though? She still wasn't big on leaving Beck alone with the twins…though she'd been doing it a lot lately… She would hate having to give them up every weekend or every two weeks so he could spend time with them.

There was still that small unwanted chance that Liam was Jensen's father, and an even  _smaller_  chance that he was Darla's father. She could do a paternity test—possibly with Fletch's help—and she could find out who the fathered her kids. But what if Beck was the father of both of them? Would she be able to falsify the results so it looked like Liam was the father?

Maybe she could do that. Maybe she could lie to Beck so he'd want nothing to do with her anymore and it would be easier for her to tell her about her other man. Maybe she could move away with Fletch and the twins after lying to Beck and she could raise the toddlers to think that  _he_  was their father.

She was seriously considering it…


	10. American Dream

* * *

_"We don't want two kids and a wife. I don't want a job, I just want a life. This world is spinning too fast for you and me, so tell me whatever happened to the American Dream."_ \- MTKO

* * *

 

**Five weeks ago.**

_Robbie lay quietly on his bed, staring sadly up at the ceiling with his hands on his stomach. His head lulled to the side, and he sighed at the empty spot beside him._

_Cat had come home earlier that day, but it was only to drop off Cassie; she'd come and gone long before he'd gotten back from school. He missed her, and he was beginning to despise himself for it._

_When he'd gotten home from school after Beck picked him up that Monday, Jade had told them both that she didn't think Cat deserved to live with them if she wanted to cavort with a filthy lesbian. (She'd used stronger words, but he shared Cat's sentiments on bad words and refused to repeat them, even in his head.) Beck had almost started an argument with her about it, but she quickly shot him down. And Robbie wanted to say something, but Jade seemed snappier and scarier than usual._

_The past two nights were the hardest he'd ever had since he'd come out of his coma and had to stay with his parents for a few months._

_She'd been spending nights away from home over the past few weeks, but he just assumed she was staying with her home to help her finalize the renovations of her condo in Verona Beach. But now that he (somewhat) knew about Natalie, he wasn't sure what to think about his girlfriend anymore._

_How long had she known this girl? How long had they been involved? When she said she was staying with her mom, was she really with Natalie? There wasn't a question about whether or not he should stay; the love of his life was cheating on him, and now she was living with her mistress._

_Everything inside him said he should move back in with his parents—since he felt he didn't belong in a home with his friend's family—but the biggest question of all remained: Could he actually leave?_

_He'd been in love with Cat from the very first moment he met her. All he wanted now was to win her back, to hold her in his arms until the world ended._

_But she wanted Natalie._

_Cassie began to cry in the nursery and Robbie climbed out of bed. Beck and Jade were busy with the twins, so he felt it was his duty to tend to the poor girl. She'd been asleep since her mother dropped her off, and he wondered how Cat could just_ leave _her daughter, but he had no one to ask._

_Upon entering the nursery, he saw the Valentine toddler standing in her crib, tears streaming down her face as she let out small whimpers. "Want Mommy!" she whined loudly._

_"I know," Robbie acknowledged sadly as he picked her up. She clung to him, crying against his shirt. "I miss her, too." He kissed her atop her tight black ringlets and bounced her gently to soothe her. "I'll get her back, baby girlie; don't you worry…"_

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**The present Sunday.**

Cat was beginning to love sex.

(If anything, she liked it with Natalie, but she  _loved_  it with Robbie.)

Robbie loved it just as much as she did. Granted, she'd had more partners than he did, but he didn't want to be with anyone else; he wanted her to be his first and last.

He was bigger than Daniel, at least where Jade said it counted. She loved his lanky hands awkwardly fumbling about her covers, because she knew every touch was filled with love. Comparing his touch to Natalie's, she realized that Jade was right; Natalie  _didn't_  love her and had only ever wanted sex.

Neither Jade nor Beck had been home the following week that she'd been allowed to come back, so she and Robbie took this to their sexual advantages, and they would continue to do so for the following month. While they were out of the house (which somewhat worried Cat and made her think they were moving out), the happy couple took each other on the couch, the kitchen floor, several kitchen counters, and even the shower—to name a few places. They began to try different positions, and she would always tell him what to do to get her off since he made sure to ask.

Sex had become their key to happiness, and they intended to stay happy for a very long time.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

"We can't keep living like this, Danny!" Tori shouted as she paced about the kitchen. She ripped open several cabinets before yanking open the door to the fridge. She threw it open so hard that it slammed against the counter, causing a commotion that probably woke her son up upstairs. "We're running out of food, cleaning supplies, diapers for Tony, and we have bills to pay! You need to hurry up and find a job; we've been living together for a  _month_  now and you still haven't found one. You know I hate asking for your parents for money!"

"Then ask yours!" he screamed back at her. "I'm trying my best to find a damn job, but not many people want to hire a college student, Tori."

"So then drop out," his wife spat in a slightly softer voice, throwing her hands up and slapping them against her thighs in defeat.

Her husband scoffed. "Or how about  _you_  get a job?" he fired. "You've got  _all_  the time in the world to look for one since you're taking classes online."

"And I guess our son is just gonna watch himself then," she hissed. "My parents made it clear that  _they_  were not our baby's parents; he's  _our_  responsibility. And if you think I'm going to ask your mother, who  _just_ had a heart attack if you forgot, to come down from Azusa and babysit, then you're out of your mind!"

"I can't talk to you when you're like this!" he shouted before storming out of the house and slamming the front door loudly.

Exasperated, Tori slammed the fridge shut and put her back to it, holding her head and sliding to the floor as tears burned her eyes.

After Andre had blown her secret, Mrs. Vega thought it best that her daughter live with her new son-in-law. Mr. Vega, however, didn't take kind to the news of his baby girl eloping, and told her that Danny wasn't welcome in his home. With no other option, Tori moved into Danny's family home with their son.

This had been their second argument over money, and it was doing nothing but stressing her out. Danny had no problem asking his mom for money, despite the fact that that she needed to pay for cholesterol and blood pressure prescriptions, as well as a cardiac rehabilitation program that her insurance wouldn't cover. His father didn't want to speak to him after finding out about Antonio—mainly because he disapproved of Tori and her family—so it was pointless to shake  _that_  tree.

If Tori hadn't sucked it up and borrowed money from her sister, they wouldn't have lights or water. She thought about getting a job, but she couldn't pass her son off to her parents every day. To be honest, she was—for the most part—a traditionalist; she believed it was the husband's job to work and put food on the table, and the wife's job to take care of the home. She wanted nothing more to be a stay at home mom like her own mother.

But this  _house_  she shared with her husband barely felt like a home.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**Monday, 9 AM.**

"I'm willing to forgive you, you know," Natalie announced as she picked up Cat's bag from the seat beside the redhead.

"Will you just leave me alone, please?" she asked meekly. "I love my boyfriend and we're working things out."

"Why even bother with him?" she questioned seductively. She leaned up to the tiny girl's ear and gently flicked the lobe with her tongue. "Don't tell me you forgot what I can do to you."

Taking in a deep breath, Cat snatched her bag from the table and darted for the door. She'd almost made it out when Dr. Beasom stopped her.

"Where are you going, Miss Valentine?" he asked with a hint of worry in his voice. "Class is about to start."

"I don't think I can stay," she mumbled, keeping her eyes on the floor. Without realizing it, she gave a sidelong glance to the black-haired girl in the spot by her usual seat.

"Is someone bothering you?" he questioned in a low voice. "You know you don't have to talk to them or even acknowledge them if they're in this class."

Keeping her head low, Cat let out small sobs. She covered her mouth when she realized she was making sounds. Acting quickly, her professor placed his hand on her back and led her out of the classroom. He closed the door so none of the students would hear them.

"I can't stay in this class with her," the tiny girl cried. "I love my boyfriend, but she won't leave me alone!"

"Who won't leave you alone?" the professor asked calmly.

"Natalie Redford," she sobbed with her head down. "She made me do bad things that I should only do with my boyfriend and she wants me to keep doing them but I just want her to leave me alone!"

Dr. Beasom frowned deeply as the tiny girl in front of him cried loudly, thinking of possible options. "I…can see if I can have her switched to a different class if she's bothering you this badly," he said.

Instantly, Cat stopped crying. Her head shot up to him and she gave him a weak smile. "Really?!"

Her professor returned the smile. "Don't tell anyone," he began quietly, holding his hand by his mouth to perpetuate the secret, "But you're one of my favorite students. I'd hate to have you leave my class because of someone harassing you, so I'll see what I can do."

And after that, Cat would never have another class with Natalie Redford again.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**10 AM.**

Tori found it difficult to even get out of bed.

As she'd been doing for the past week, she woke up to an empty bed. Danny usually left at the crack of dawn to go on job hunts—or so he said—but she wasn't awake when he came home last night, and she wasn't entirely sure that he even did.

She hated that they were arguing so much; she and Andre never fought this much. If anything, the fight where she kicked him out and the fight where he told her he never wanted to see her again were the only times they'd ever argued.

There was no doubt she loved Danny, but she missed Andre. She missed Beck. She missed Cat. She even missed Robbie. She felt so isolated, especially now that she and her husband had their own home. She wished that she and Jade would have been better friends in high school; then, maybe she would have been asked to live with the other two couples.

But even if that were the case, she would still feel like she didn't belong there.

Cat and Jade had been through a lot together, especially during their pregnancies. Cat had witnessed firsthand how bad of a person Jade's brother was, and had stuck with her through it all. Beck and Jade stuck by Cat when her mom kicked her out. Beck and Robbie had been the dutiful boyfriends, staying with them as much as they could through the pregnancies.

She and Andre never would have belonged in their home.

Because of her marriage, she didn't belong in her childhood home anymore. She had her own family to think about now. Her parents were adamant about that, and they were okay with her and Andre raising their family under the Vega roof  _for the time being_ , but now she was married and needed to live like a traditional married woman. Her dad was strict on his traditional values, so there would be no say otherwise.

Her sister had been there for her during her Andre drama, but that didn't mean she could put all of her burdens on Trina. She had her own wedding to plan for, and she had her own things to deal with. Tori didn't even know Blake that well, so she didn't feel like she belonged in their dinky little studio apartment—even  _if_  they could find the room for her.

She felt miserable in her marriage, and she needed help. She wasn't sure who to turn to, so she'd scheduled an appointment at her school to see a counselor. She did some research on CSUN's policies, and even students going for an online degree were allowed to visit the counseling center on campus; she practically rejoiced when she found out it was free for students.

Mechanically, she went about her daily routines.

She felt numb beneath the beating water of her shower, robotic as she dressed herself once dry. She decided—if she felt better—she would go see her sister and thank her in person once more for the money to pay the bills.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**Noon.**

While the twins had been pulled from daycare, Cat still took advantage of the childcare system and let her daughter stay; the baby Valentine had even made a few friends.

But on her way, she grew dizzy.

The scenery started to spin around her and she needed to stop and grab a tree just to keep from falling over. Her stomach began to churn, and she could feel her breakfast trying to come back up. And before she could stop herself, she hurled the eggs and bacon that Robbie made for her into the nearest bush.

"No, no, no," she muttered, wiping her mouth gingerly.

Her hand shot to her stomach out of fear. She and Robbie used protection! She couldn't get pregnant this quickly, could she? Natalie said that she couldn't get her pregnant, she made Robbie use a condom, and she'd made sure to take her birth control regularly!

Hands shaking, she pulled her phone from her bra and called Jade. She'd know what to do!

Worry crept further up her spine as the phone rung on and on. She wasn't sure if her friend would pick up…

And suddenly, she felt just like she did two years ago after her mother kicked out when she reluctantly announced her first pregnancy.

"Cat!" Jade called from the parking lot. She stormed up to her friend, phone raised high for emphasis, as her blonde bun flopped ridiculously behind her head. "Why are you calling me? Did you forget I'm picking you up?"

"I'm scared," the redhead whimpered, clinging to herself.

Her friend's face softened slightly and she lowered her arm. "What happened?" She scrunched her nose as the wind rustled around them. "What the hell is that smell?"

Instantly, the tiny girl before her shattered into terrified sobs. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, Jade rushed up to her and enveloped her in one of her rare hugs.

"I threw up!" she wailed. She pulled away and looked at the taller mother. "I got dizzy and then I did it and I'm scared!"

"Did you eat something bad today?" Jade questioned, slightly scowling. Cat smelled like vomit, and she didn't want the smell on her clothes. "Wait, tell me after you pick up your kid; I got places to be."

"O-okay," Cat stammered, slightly confused.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

Jade acted weird on the ride home.

She asked Cat some questions about why she'd thrown up, and she looked like she didn't care when the redhead kept insisting she was pregnant; she didn't try to disprove it, she didn't confirm it, and it was if she hardly acknowledged it.

If she hadn't made Jade take her to a gas station to get a test, the preoccupied mother probably would have just dropped her off in front of the house.

She wondered what was making Jade act this way, but she was more worried about her possible pregnancy.

As Jade sped away as soon as Cat reached the front door, the worry slunk back to her. What if she  _was_  pregnant? Beck and Jade had two kids, and they were arguing more than normal. She hardly got to see the twins because they were usually out with him. But then again, she hardly saw Jade either…

Would she even be able to handle two kids? Having twins was one thing, but Cassie might be three by the time the baby came and they would both need a lot of attention. She couldn't pass her daughter off to Robbie while she took care of the baby…

Before she even realized it, she stood in the bathroom with her back pressed to the door. She looked down at the box in her hand and took a deep breath.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**2 PM.**

Tori decided she would take her son to her therapy session, regardless of if they allowed children or not. It provided her a small smirk when she thought of it as taking a page from Jade's book. The small joking happiness quickly vanished when she realized she still wasn't speaking to Jade, that they hadn't made up after the bitch monster slapped her.

"Good morning," the counselor greeted from the doorway, tearing the young mother from her thoughts. He wasn't exceptionally tall, maybe her height, and he looked barely older than her. He wore large framed glasses and his hair seemed to be an off color (maybe pastel) blue. He had a California beach than and laugh lines around his mouth and eyes. He seemed friendly enough.

"Hi," she returned with a small smile, holding out her free hand to take his and shake it.

"I'm Jared Copperfield," he told her, shaking her hand firmly, "But you can call me Jared." He looked at her son and his smile grew. "And who have we got here?"

Tori smiled proudly and ran her hand over the back of her son's head. "This is my son, Tony," she stated.

"Hi, Tony," Jared gushed in a baby voice. "Are you joining your mommy and me for therapy?"

Still shy around people, the toddler turned away and buried his face into his mother's hair, using some of it to shield him. She laughed and kissed him atop the head.

"He's still working on his shyness," she explained.

"That's quite alright," Jared chuckled. He held his hand out again, this time to usher them inside. "Please have a seat, and we'll get started."

With a quick nod, she entered the room. There was a couch like she expected, but it was just a regular sofa with arms on both sides that could hold three people. At least it was brown leather. There was a matching leather recliner across from the couch, presumably where Jared would sit. In the corner sat a desk that held his desktop, corded-telephone, and stacks of papers. It was small and a little dark—the only light coming through the blinds—but it made her feel comfortable. She felt a little more relieved as she took a seat on the couch. Antonio climbed out of her lap and onto a different cushion before lying down on his side and closing his eyes. She gently ran her hand over his shoulder with a small smile. She'd taken over his morning nap time, and he intended to take it back.

"So what's on your mind?" Jared asked as he took a seat in the recliner. "You checked true to a number of concerning things on the survey we had you fill out online yesterday."

She took in a deep breath and sighed loudly. "I think I might be depressed," she confessed, looking him straight in the eye. "I've had a lot of stressful things going on this past month and a half. I did a really bad thing and made my boyfriend believe that my son was his; I…was ashamed, especially since his father got my best friend pregnant, and my boyfriend really loved me and promised to do whatever he could to help me raise my baby. But then he found out and we got into this big argument and I kicked him out. I didn't know what else to do, so I called my ex-boyfriend and asked him to come over. I explained that he was my son's father, and it seemed like a good time since my best friend has a new boyfriend and doesn't want anything to do with him. Then we got married because he said I only loved him when it was convenient and a few days later I found out my ex-boyfriend was put in the hospital because they thought he tried to kill himself. He told me he didn't want to talk to me for a while, but then he showed up at my house a month later to get his things and found out that I was married. He blew up and got into a fight with my husband and my mom almost called the police on him. And now I'm living with my husband because my parents practically threw me out, but we're having problems because he won't get a job and I don't want to work while I'm taking classes, so I don't know what to do."

"Wow," Jared breathed, his elbows propped on the arms of the recliner and his fingertips pressed together in front of his face. "That definitely sounds like a lot. So how long would you say the depression has been going on?"

"Since I started living with my husband two weeks ago," the Latina answered.

"Do you think he might be the cause?"

She shrugged. "He's been on a constant job search, so I haven't seen him at home much lately. But when he is home, we argue about money. I don't feel comfortable asking his mom since she has hospital bills to pay, and I know my parents would say no if I asked. I had to borrow money from my sister and her fiancé just to make sure we had lights and running water."

"Do you think anything else could be causing your depression? That's a lot to stress about."

She sighed again, this time softer. She lowered her head to her hands in her lap. "I feel really lonely," she admitted. "I really want to be a stay-at-home mom like my own mom, but I live so far from my friends now, and they have their own stuff going on. I hardly see them anymore, and I'm not even sure they likely after what happened with my ex-boyfriend."

"Have you tried talking to them?"

She looked up and nodded. "I tried talking to my best friend," she began hesitantly, "But she's been really busy lately and she won't tell me with what. My best guy friend has twins with this girl I don't like, and he found out that his son has hearing loss, so I can't really bother him too often."

"Well, do you spend time with your sister?" the counselor questioned.

She shook her head. "She's been planning her wedding with my mom," she answered. "I  _barely_  got in touch with her just to borrow money."

Jared nodded, pursing his lips in thought. "How old is your son?" he asked randomly.

"He just turned two in April," she said.

He nodded again. "I see," he mumbled. He sat up straight and placed his hands on the arms of the recliner. "Statistically, close to 25 percent of teen mothers have a second child within two years of the first birth. Are you and your husband sexually active?"

Tori nodded.

"Have you been using contraceptives?"

She waved her hand in a so-so motion. "After my ex-boyfriend was kicked out," she began, "My parents stopped buying me the pill and I ran out. My husband and I use condoms, but I know they aren't very effective all the time."

"Do you think you might be pregnant?"

Her breath hitched. She hadn't even thought of that as an option. What if she was? Another baby was  _just_  what she needed right now. Could she even be pregnant? She just had her period…didn't she? Come to think of it, she didn't remember when the last one was…

"You look like you're unsure," Jared commented. "After our session, why not make an appointment or grab a home test and find out. I know that would be another stressor, but it's something to look out for. And if you're not pregnant, I'd suggest you consider switching from an online degree to a standard one. I've had several students come to me because of depression and loneliness, but after a few weeks of being in a classroom with other students their age, they start to feel better. A lot of people don't think Northridge is a decent neighborhood, but our university has one of the finest daycare centers in the area; I'm sure your son would love seeing new babies."

Tori smiled softly. "I'll take it into consideration."

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

If anything, she didn't think she'd get pregnant again until Antonio started school. For some reason, she just felt in her gut that she wouldn't give him a sibling until then.

She felt awkward walking around the convenience store with her son on her hip, but it was against the law to leave your child unattended in a car, so she had to suck it up. The cashier gave her a less-than-pleased look as she asked for a pregnancy test, and she could have sworn she blushed during.

On the way home, all she could think about the test.

What if it  _was_  positive? When would she tell Danny? Would she even keep it? She would rather die than have an abortion, but it was definitely looking to be one of her options considering her current financial situation. She and her family didn't believe in adoption (let alone abortion) and she doubted she would ever be able to give her baby up after carrying it for nine months and delivering it.

How would Danny react? He couldn't just up and leave like he did with Cat…or at least she hoped he couldn't. She married him as a symbol of her commitment to him and their relationship, and she hoped he would do the same. He had to realize that they might have more children down the line, right? Would he be more upset if they were unplanned pregnancies? Would he get mad at her?

She hated all the worrying.

After putting Antonio in his playpen downstairs, she went to the guest bathroom to take the test. Like last time, she grabbed a disposable plastic cup and peed in that—she hated the idea of possibly getting pee on her hand or messing the stick up. As she paced about the bathroom waiting for the result, she held her arms and bit her nails, remembering exactly how she felt just a little over three years ago.

Her phone buzzed on the kitchen sink and she practically lunged for the test. With shaking hands, she held it up to her face to read the screen. Her face fell and her breathing shortened.

_Positive._

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**2:30 PM.**

She wasn't sure what happened after she read the results, but by the time Robbie got home, Cat was wiping away tears. She now stood with her arms behind her back, trying her hardest not to cry.

He'd reached the top of the stairs as she exited the bathroom and gave her a loving peck on the cheek. "I missed you," he breathed, wrapping his arms around her. His hand grazed the plastic in her hand and he gently took it from her, holding it out to look at it. Upon realizing what it was, he dropped it with a slightly terrified noise. His face reddened and he cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure.

"D-did you take th-that?" he stammered.

Slowly and solemnly, she nodded.

His breathing caught in his throat and he looked down to the test. It had fallen on its back, exposing the display screen that held two little grey bars. As he continued to stare at it, he could hardly believe it. His mouth stretched from its shocked disfiguration to a broad, excited grin. He turned to her, laughing with joyous disbelief.

"You're pregnant?!"

Slightly confused, she held her hand to her lips and nodded. She squeaked when he rushed her into his arms and kissed her deeply, squeezing her arm between them. When he broke the kiss, he placed his chin on her shoulder and gave a shuddering, proud sigh.

"I'm gonna be a dad," he breathed.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**3 PM.**

As quickly as her depressed mood had disappeared, the quicker it had returned. This was definitely  _not_  the time for another baby. And she was undoubtedly sure that this would be the final straw for Danny, that he'd leave her.

Unsure of who else to talk to, she drove to her sister's studio apartment in Santa Ana. Why Trina chose to live with a guy that lived so far away from her family, Tori would never know.

She held her son tightly as she made her way up the stairs to the third floor.

"Tori sad," Antonio mumbled as he played absently with his mother's hair.

She stopped at the top of the stairs and gently ran her hand over the back of his head to smooth down his hair. "Tori okay," she breathed, trying to put on a happy face. "Let's go see Auntie Trina, okay?"

Her baby laughed and waved his free arm excitedly.

Taking in a deep breath when she reached the last apartment on the third floor, she knocked loudly. The sound of loud rustling behind the wood didn't settle her.

_"Who's that?!" Trina groaned obnoxiously, reminding her sister of the Trina from high school. "It's too early for visitors!"_

_"Babe, it's three," Blake slurred. His voice was softer, and Tori could hardly hear him._

_"Three in the_ morning _?" Trina exclaimed. "That's even_ worse _!"_

There was a loud sigh before he opened the door with a small smile to his visitor. "Little Rellie!" he exclaimed warmly, his voice booming with his thick accent. His deep black locks were disheveled and he stood in only his boxers. He still had a bit of a glazed look in his eyes as he took her and her soon into a strong, welcoming hug. "How are ya, Jillaroo?"

"I still don't know what any of those words mean," she strained in the hug. "Blake…can't breathe." She took in a sharp gasp when he released her. She looked past him to see Trina strewn about the mattress on the floor in the middle of the room. She wore—presumably—one of his button downs over green boy shorts, her hair flying in every direction as it shielded her sleeping face.

Taking in the sight of the apartment, she marveled at the black and white photos hanging in strips along the ceiling. Colored photos sat in a large glass casing at the far corner of the apartment. There was a door to what she assumed was the bathroom, and a large walled-off area stood beside it. She assumed, by the black curtain in front, that it was his developing station. She stood by the tiny kitchen with a stove, fridge, sink, and four cabinets and counters at most.

"Trina, your sister's here!" he shouted loudly after ushering Tori and her son inside and closing the door. He jogged over to the mattress and shoved it roughly with his foot, almost causing his fiancée to fall off.

"I'm up!" she exclaimed as she shot up, propping herself up on her hands. She turned over and fell back onto the bed, holding her head with a loud groan. Pointing in her sister's general direction, she groaned. "Never get into a drinking competition with an Australian."

Blake chuckled and playfully punched Tori in the shoulder. "I think you could take me," he quipped. "You look as fit as a Mallee bull, not a lightweight like your sister."

"Still don't know what that means," the younger girl laughed off nervously.

Trina sat up on the bed and threw a pillow at her unsuspecting fiancé, hitting him in the stomach and startling her sister while her nephew looked on in wonder, even as his mother shielded him from harm. "What did you need, Tori?" she grumbled, rubbing lazily at her eye.

After finding a good spot, she set her son down and jumped onto the mattress, her hair flying wildly around her. "So I have a problem," she said.

"Well, duh," Trina spat impatiently. "You wouldn't be here if you didn't. This is the first time you've ever stopped by our apartment. So what is it?"

Tori sighed tiredly and lowered her head. "I'm pregnant," she whispered.

Trina squealed loudly, wincing shortly afterward as she took her sister into a tight hug. Blake also covered his ears as he staggered over to the bed, taking the spot beside his fiancée. "That's great!" she exclaimed when she pulled away. Then her face fell with the realization. "Oh…"

"Yeah," Tori acknowledged glumly.

"Well," her sister began, slapping her hands on her knees after crossing her legs. "If it makes you feel better, there's a chance I might be pregnant."

"And you drank with me?" Blake exclaimed, turning his full body to her.

"Your mother drank with you," the Vega girl snapped. "I haven't taken a test or anything, so I don't know for sure yet."

"And what if you are?" he challenged.

"Then I won't drink anymore," she stated matter-of-factly, "And neither will you." She gently shoved him with a playful smile, but he groaned, knowing she was serious.

Tori exhaled loudly and fell back on the mattress, her head hanging over the edge. "That definitely does  _not_  make me feel better," she stated. "Now I'll feel even worse asking you for money. What am I gonna  _do_ , Trine?"

"All I can say is tell Danny  _immediately_ ," her sister advised. "That'll push him to get a job quicker."

"Yeah," her soon-to-be Australian brother-in-law added, "You already have one kid and he married you. Two won't send him running."

Trina back-handed him in the chest, the sound resonating throughout the tiny apartment. "That doesn't have anything to do with anything," she hissed. She turned to her sister and grabbed her hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of it. "Don't feel bad about asking us for money; I'm your sister, and I'm supposed to help you even if you  _did_  get married before me. It's not even a problem."

Tori huffed, blowing hair off her face. She winced as her son tapped on her forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Nap!" he exclaimed.

She roared playfully and scooped him up, smiling brightly as he giggled loudly. She turned to her sister and leaned forward to give her half of a hug. "Thank you so much," she breathed. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

"Anything to help my baby sis!" Trina cooed, pinching Tori's cheek. She spit out her tongue at Antonio. "And I'll see  _you_  later, little man."

The little boy giggled again and waved goodbye.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**8 PM.**

She waited for hours for him to get home, drumming her fingers on the table nervously. She'd put Antonio to bed as soon as she'd gotten back from lunch with Trina and Blake; they'd been kind enough to treat her to lobster, and Tony even tried some.

She continuously grew nervous as the minutes dripped away, her stomach knotting.

She gasped when she heard the door open and stood up a little too fast, having to balance herself on the chair to keep from falling back. "Danny," she called loudly. "Can you come in here, please?"

Keys clanked on the end table in the hall and he appeared in the archway separating the kitchen from the dining room. He opened his mouth to speak, but she held her hand up to interrupt him.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

His mouth fell open, eyes dropping to the floor, and he stepped backward, reaching out for the threshold for support. "Are…are you sure?" he mumbled.

"I took three tests," she assured him. She walked over to him and grabbed his hands. "Danny, you  _need_  to find a job. We need money and I can't ask Trina to help us right now; she's pregnant, too, and I don't feel right about it."

With an absent gaze at the linoleum, he nodded. "I'll try a little harder," he stated. "I-I'll go out of town to look, d-do research on the internet. There's a place in Anaheim that my friend's cousin is starting up, so I'll see if he'll hire me. It more than likely won't be much, but at least it'll be something." He looked up at her with tired brown eyes. "Maybe you should reconsider doing the on-campus thing. You'll get a lot of financial aid and we can use that to hold us over until we get on our feet." He broke from her grasp and gently grabbed her face, kissing her sweetly. Once the kiss broke, he spun her around and pressed his chest to her back, covering her stomach with his hand as he planted small kisses on her neck. "I swear we're gonna make this work."

She hoped he was right, that he'd find a job to support them so she wouldn't have to ask for money anymore. Although, she could honestly say she didn't expect him to take the news so well. What did that say about her, that she would automatically think the worst about her husband? Did that mean she wasn't as happy in her relationship as she should be?

She desperately wished everything would get better after she had this baby.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

**The next morning.**

"You promise you'll hold my hand?" Cat begged as Robbie pulled up to the hospital. She'd scheduled an appointment with Dr. Nordstrom because she trusted him after dealing with her last pregnancy, and he'd borrowed his mom's car to take her. They'd dropped Cassie off with her grandmother for the time being, considering they spent very little time together.

"The entire time," he assured her with a sharp nod as he parked the car.

With a nervous smile, she leaned over and pecked him on the lips. Then she reached over him and opened his door. She took his hand and lightly shoved him out, climbing over the gear shift so she could get out on the driver's side without letting go of his hand. It was a good thing she'd worn shorts today.

Together, they made their way into the hospital, to the front desk, and to their assigned room for her ultrasound. Robbie thought they would just make her take another test, but oh well.

Her breathing shortened while she waited for the doctor to arrive, and she jumped in excitement when he opened the door. He had a few more age lines than the last time she saw him, but his hair was still the short coal that it had been two years ago. His hazel eyes didn't look as tired, but the seemed to hold some stress from work.

He grinned broadly upon seeing her. "Miss Valentine," he greeted. "It's always nice to see a familiar face under the right circumstances."

Robbie chuckled nervously, but she just gave a befuddled look. "Do I get to see my baby?" she asked, changing the subject.

The doctor nodded. "He or she will be very tiny, though," he said as he put on a pair of latex gloves. "Lie back for me, alright?"

She breathed in deeply through her nose, gripping her boyfriend's hand a little tighter, and nodded before slowly lowering herself backward.

"Lift your shirt for me, please," the doctor instructed, holding up a bottle of lubrication jelly in one hand and an ultrasonic wand in the other. She quickly complied and he applied the jelly.

"It's cold!" she exclaimed, scrunching her nose with a small shiver. Robbie smiled and rubbed her hand gently.

After a small chuckle, Dr. Nordstrom moved the wand about her stomach and the pictures on the small screen beside him greyed. When the wand landed about an inch above her belly button, a big black circle with a funny looking bean in the middle appeared on the screen. "There's your baby," he announced, pointing at the screen. "It looks like you're about seven weeks along, Miss Valentine."

Cat gasped happily, but Robbie's face fell.  _Seven_  weeks? They hadn't even been sleeping together that long, and he made sure to check that the condom was still intact after their first sexual rendezvous.

There was no way that her baby was his.

Again.

* * *

_This right here is the twisted paradise._

* * *

Robbie hardly spoke on the drive back home, but Cat hardly paid attention to him. She was too engrossed in her stomach, thinking about the little jelly bean growing inside of her. It was different, seeing her baby on a screen instead of just a printed picture. Earlier, she'd been scared to be a mother again, but now she was nothing but excited.

Robbie, however, could hardly share her excitement.

He kept trying to think of how in the world she would have gotten pregnant by a  _lesbian_. And why didn't this shock her? They'd probably slept together for the past four weeks, tops, so why didn't it strike her as odd that she were seven weeks pregnant? What if she slept with Danny again? What if that girl forced her to have sex with another guy? But if that were the case, why hadn't she said anything about it? Why—

"Hey, Rob!" Beck called, snapping his fingers in front of the pale boy's face, snapping him from his thoughts.

"Y-yeah?" he stuttered, shaking away his daze. He looked around and didn't even remember entering the house…

"I said 'Are you okay?'" his friend repeated. "'You don't look so good.'"

With a sigh, he looked up to the nursery where Cat's voice drifted down. "Can we talk about it outside?" he pleaded quietly.

"Yeah," the taller boy answered as they headed out the front door. He waited until he closed it to speak again. "What's up?"

"So I took Cat to the doctor because she took a pregnancy test," the nerdy boy began skeptically.

"She's pregnant?!" Beck inquired enthusiastically.

Robbie nodded solemnly. "Seven weeks," he spoke quietly.

The wide grin quickly fell from his friend's face. "Oh," he breathed. "Well…" He ran a hand through messy black hair. "I think you need to talk to Cat about it. Ask her what happened, and why she kept it from you. Then you need to decide if you want to stay with her—" He scowled slightly upon seeing his fiancée's car pull into the driveway. "—Or leave."

With that, he turned on his heels and went back inside. Confused, Robbie looked from the door back to Jade.

She sneered at him as she walked up to him. Her hair was still blonde and her roots were beginning to show. She also wore no makeup and a fancy necklace he'd never seen before around her neck. "The hell are you looking at?" she spat. She pushed past him, nearly knocking him down. "Get out of my way!"

With a loud sigh, he lowered himself to the step in front of the doorway and lowered his head, cradling it in his hands.


	11. Hurricane

* * *

_"The promises we made were not enough. Never play the game again. The prayers that we have prayed were like a drug—never gonna hit the air. The secrets that we sold were never known. This hurricane's chasing us all underground." – Thirty Seconds to Mars_

* * *

 

Beck didn't know about the affair, but he was damn sure that something was going on with his fiancée. She'd been avoiding him nearly all week. With their most recent argument, she seemed almost serene; unless she was sleeping, Jade West was  _never_  calm.

He assumed she was under stress, considering she had her brother's parole hearing coming up. She thought he didn't care, but it really bothered him, knowing that she'd be near that monster again. He knew he wouldn't be able to express his concerns to her, so he just tried to play it off while subtly telling her how he felt about it.

It would have killed him to find out about Fletch.

He waited anxiously for her to call him and tell him he could come back home, but the call never came. He hated that she'd practically thrown the twins out as well, but it would probably be better if the stress of teaching them was solely on him.

But, God, how he missed her.

He was beginning to feel miserable waking up without her. He hated not smelling coffee in the morning—even though she hadn't been able to make it for a while—and he hated not being able to give her morning kisses despite her protests since she hadn't brushed her teeth. He missed just standing and holding her, feeling her warmth. He was starting to seriously get depressed about his Jade withdrawals, and he hoped he hadn't royally messed everything up.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

Jade walked obliviously down the long, excessively bright hall to the elevator, formulating countless possibilities and scenarios. All of them involved hurting one of the guys, and a few of them involved hurting herself. She hated having too many choices—one of the reason why she hated frozen yogurt bars—and this seemed to be one of the hardest choices she would ever have to make.

In the cheesy sense, maybe her spark with Beck had faded. Kids change people, and maybe this was a sign that they weren't ready to be parents—at least, not with each other.

If anything, she wouldn't have to worry about money with Fletch, as bad as it sounded. She would definitely be able to pay for anything Jensen needed to accommodate his hearing loss, and she could even send him to a private school. But who was to say that this wasn't just a fling? She and Beck promised to love each other forever, but apparently something had changed.

Otherwise, she wouldn't have gotten into bed with another man.

As she was mechanically about to push the down button on the elevator's call pad—wrapped in her thoughts—the doors quickly flew open. She looked up with a slightly surprised expression and her eyes grew wider to match the utterly confused stare from Cat's brother, Bryce.

His short brown hair had been finely combed, parted to one side, and flattened on his head. He wore faded blue jeans and a Jeb McFly T-shirt—his favorite band tee. His left arm draped around a tall blonde's shoulders. She was probably two or three inches shorter than him, possibly three inches taller than she was, and her hazel eyes were blanketed with heavy makeup.

Like the first time she met his then-girlfriend, Colette, she thought the blonde was a transitioning drag queen with her radical makeup and over-the-top fashion sense. For some reason, she thought Colette would tone down a bit after she marriage, but she was obviously wrong.

They were probably on the last stretch of their six month long honeymoon.

Something clicked in his eyes when Bryce saw her. He wasn't one to judge, but he knew there was no way she would be able to afford this hotel by herself. Beck was nowhere in sight, but neither one of them would be able to afford a stay in  _Sunset Tower_ ; if not for his mother's  _generous_  wedding gift, Bryce wouldn't be able to afford it either.

Not saying anything to his sister's best friend, he led his new wife past her so she could get on the elevator. And just as the doors were about to close, he darted back inside and slammed his hand against the emergency stop button.

"Bryce!" Colette shouted from the other side of the doors. He could barely hear her through the thick metal. Her voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard, making Jade's eye twitch. "What are you doing?!"

"Don't worry about it!" he advised loudly, his deep voice shocking Jade.

"Don't make me use these," Jade warned in a harsh tone as she pulled her sheathed, favorite pair of black scissors from her back pocket. She ripped the plastic sheath off and the blades glistened in the fluorescent elevator light. Even with children, she would never give up her terrifying obsession.

"Chill out," Cat's brother defended as he held his hands up in surrender. He stood in front of the emergency stop button to keep her from pressing it. "We need to talk."

"About what?" she spat, slightly lowering her scissors.

"About why you're here with someone other than Beck," he answered with a stern voice and a hard glare as he lowered his hands.

"I'm here by myself," she lied, crossing her arms while keeping her scissors exposed.

"You can't pay for this," he counted, mimicking her stance. "I can't even pay for this."

"You don't know anything," she hissed.

He rolled his eyes, ready to get back to spending time with his newlywed wife. "As much as you and I have other things we'd rather attend to," he began, meeting her eyes, "No one's getting off this elevator until you tell me what's going on.

Her lips fell into a deep scowl, but she didn't speak. Aside from Cossette obnoxiously banging on the elevator doors and shouting her husband's name, all was quiet in the elevator. He suspected she was having an affair, and he wasn't going to accept anything other than her proving him right.

But she'd been so careful!

She had hid her trail, fed Beck little lies here and there, and even made sure to delete her call and text log with Fletch regularly. If not for Cat's stupid brother having a stupidly rich mother, no one would ever know what she was doing.

" _Alright_ ," she groaned in annoyance, throwing her arms out to her sides and slouching her body back to help let out her hot air. "I met him in one of my classes and he wouldn't leave me alone."

"So you decided to sleep with him?" the older Valentine shot incredulously, leaning against the wall space beside the button panel.

"Shut up!" the Goth growled, pointing her scissors at his throat with her arm outstretched. "You don't—"

"No,  _you_  don't," Bryce interrupted authoritatively, slightly shocking her with his seriousness. "Beck—your  _fiancé_ —has been there for my little sister when she's needed it most. When Mom kicked her out when she was pregnant, he took her in and took care of her,  _especially_  when your jackass of a brother came into the picture. He gave her a place to stay when she had nowhere else to go and he's helping her raise my niece  _as well_  as his own two kids. He's practically my brother for all he's done for Cat, and he doesn't deserve you cheating on him. Whatever you've got going on with him, work it out. Come clean to him or I swear to God I will. Do I make myself clear?"

"Go to hell," Jade spat.

"Try me if you want to," he challenged as he pushed the emergency stop button to restart the elevator. The doors flew open and Colette rushed inside to slap him on the arm, swearing at him in garbled German. She yanked him out of the elevator and pulled him down the hall to their room as Jade watched from the closing doors.

Anger momentarily taking over her, she brought down her scissors on the back wall of the elevator, screaming loudly.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

She'd had a minor nervous breakdown in the elevator, but she made it to her car and home in one piece. Upon pulling into the driveway, she saw her fiancé talking with the goofy little Jew boy, presumably about her best friend. Beck looked up at the car and she could have sworn that he  _scowled_. And after that, he dashed back inside.

Great.

She had too much pride to talk to him if he was already pissed, and it was quickly starting to piss her off that he was pissed with her. He had no reason to be…unless he knew about the affair…

She sneered at Robbie who gawked at her as she got out of the car and made her way to the front door. "The hell are you looking at?" she spat. She pushed past him, nearly knocking him down. "Get out of my way!"

The drive home was supposed to clear her head so she could figure out exactly what she wanted to say to Beck, but she couldn't stop thinking about Fletch. She kept trying to weigh the pros and cons of leaving Beck for him, as well as what it would do to him if she decided to stay.

She walked past her fiancé in the living room with their twins and went straight up to her room. She slammed the door and pressed her back to it, her hand reached up to her necklace. She gently ran her fingers over the cool stone and, in that moment, realized just how miserable she was. She was miserable trying to bend over backwards to get Beck to notice her. She was miserable spending all of her time trying to get her kids to learn to talk and learn ASL while trying to learn ASL herself. If she would have known all of this was going to happen, she would have taken ASL from the start or tried her hardest to be switched into the class since her school offered it.

Her exhaustion was misery, and Fletch was her escape.

Disregarding her inappropriate attire, she climbed into bed and curled into a ball on her side, the position she would stay for the rest of the night, occasionally leaving for bathroom breaks and to check on her kids.

And when she woke in the morning, he was fast asleep at her side with his back to her. She didn't remember him climbing into bed with her, but he wouldn't notice her climbing out of it.

Today was going to be a big day.

She couldn't put it off any longer; today was the day that she needed to sever ties and choose which man she wanted in her life.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

She felt uneasy about going to her Roman Archaeology class. She had to tell Fletch about her decision, and she kept trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing.

She started to hesitate as she reached for the door to her class, but she slapped her hand and forced herself to pull it open with confidence. As she stepped inside, he turned around with a bright grin—one that almost broke her heart—and stood to greet her.

"I had the hardest time sleeping without you by my side last night," he told her, jumping over the seats to meet her halfway. "I guess you could say I missed you, Miss West."

She grimaced and looked away for a moment. "I can't do this anymore," she told him, skipping the formalities. She forced herself to look him in the eye. "We have to stop this. I don't have affairs."

"You  _do_  know that you're in the middle of one," he reminded with a raised brow and a mix of hurt and confusion in his eyes.

"Yeah," she breathed. She reached her hands around behind her neck to unclasp her necklace. "I can't do this to Beck anymore." She removed the extravagant opal from her neck and held it out for him.

"You finally said his name," he pointed out with a sad smile. She could practically hear his heart breaking. But instead of accepting the necklace, he pushed Jade's hand back. "Keep it; it would only remind me of you, and it would mean a lot to me for you to keep it."

Looking down at the necklace, she gingerly put it in the pocket of her jeans. "We've…he's been there for me when I needed him the most." She quickly wiped a tear away, clenching her eyes shut and pausing for a moment to calm down. "I can't throw away seven years because of one small rough patch. It isn't the first, and I'm not ready for it to be the last."

Fletch sighed dejectedly and took her hands. "I understand I can't change your mind," he said. "I can't even begin to fathom what you've been through with him, and I realize I can never take the place of someone who means so much to you. Maybe if I'd met you seven years ago, we could have been together."

Jade smiled at him and reached up to touch his cheek. "This was fun," she assured him. "But you'll find someone even better than me. You'll go to France, or wherever, with a girl you really love. She'll make you so happy, and the best part is that she won't be anyone's fiancée."

He laughed disconsolately. "Even if that's true," he breathed, "I'll always love you, Jade."

She smiled weakly in response and gave him one last kiss. She took her hands back and shoved them in her pockets, holding the necklace tightly between her fingers as she descended the stairs to the front of the classroom.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

In a way, Cat was glad she was pregnant.

She and Robbie had gotten into a few arguments when they weren't having sex, and she continuously got offended by the little things he said or did. It had even gotten to the point where she'd made him sleep on the couch because she was upset. But now she was sure that she was pregnant, she knew it wasn't his fault that she was so emotional, unless getting her pregnant put him at fault.

But in the following week after her visit, he seemed to be more distant. He seemed so happy when she was crying with her at home test behind her hands, but now he just seemed upset all the time. Did he lie to her? Did he really not want a baby? Jade once told her that Robbie was something special because he chose to be with her and raise someone else's kid, even though he could leave at any time. Did he think he wouldn't be able to leave since it was now  _his_  baby in her tummy? Did he want to leave?

Thanksgiving had been a quiet one this year. Like they'd done for the previous years after the births of Cassie, Darla, and Jensen, the four teen parents had Thanksgiving with Beck's parents—Robbie's parents decided they would spend Thanksgiving on the east coast with his stepfather's family and asked if he wanted to come, but he declined. No one wanted to talk to each other at the dinner table. Mrs. Oliver tried to hold a decent conversation with her son, but he seemed uncharacteristically displeased. Jade had even taken it upon herself to rearrange the seating, forcing Robbie to sit in front of her and Cat to sit beside her. Though hardly anyone spoke, Mr. and Mrs. Oliver gave it their best shot.

Cat didn't know what to think, and she felt terrific going back to school half a week later.

The tension at home made her worry; she thought it was her relationship problems with her own boyfriend that made her friends so angry with each other. She hated the continuous downward turns her relationship took, but she didn't know what to do about it.

She started to hate being at home when he was there, so she would spend a lot of time with her mom in Verona Beach, with her brother and sister-in-law in their hotel suite, and even Beck and Jade in their awkwardly tense interactions.

And though she didn't want to, she accompanied Jade to the courthouse for Liam's probation hearing. It was either that, or have the house all to herself and Robbie since Beck was taking the twins to spend a weekend with his parents again.

The girls walked wordlessly to the prison, both immersed in their own thoughts. As they made their way to the front door, Jade noticed that damn pink Volkswagen parking at the other end of the parking lot. Her head snapped to the car just as big brunette curls popped up above the door. She sneered as she saw Christiane's big smug smile.

She nudged Cat with her elbow, her eyes glaring pointedly. "See that pink car over there with the girl by it?" she asked, nodding her head in Christiane's direction.

The little redhead looked over and nodded as Christiane set the alarm. "She has a pretty car!" she exclaimed with a bright grin, beaming at the eyelashes on the headlights.

Jade shushed her loudly. "She'll hear you," she hissed, turning back to her friend. "Don't  _ever_ talk to her, got it? If you see her, stay as far away from her as you can."

"But why?" Cat questioned innocently with a confused expression. "She looks so nice!"

"Well she's not," Jade spat. "That lady is very mean. Don't let her fool you."

She didn't like girls like Christiane, and she knew Cat would find it easy to befriend the girl.

Grabbing Cat a little too roughly by the arm, she led her into the prison and throughout the winding building to get her to Liam's parole room, despite the redhead's protests.

"Jade, you're hurting me," she finally whispered as they neared the door. She wrenched free of the Goth's grasp. "You're scaring me!"

She was sick of how Jade had been acting toward her, but she couldn't say anything about it. She had to keep reminding herself that Jade only had her best interests in mind. She had to remind herself that Jade was stressed too, and that people act crazy when they're stressed.

The last time her brother got stressed, he got married.

Narrowing her eyes, Jade muttered an apology and walked into the room, Cat right behind her.

The room was small and dingy, highly unprofessional. There were three extra-long fold out tables in the room, big enough to seat four people each. Liam and his parole officer sat beside each other at the table farthest from the door. One of the two members from the parole board sat at the table in the middle of the room, facing the other two tables.

Jade took the seat at the free table closest to the door, and Cat quickly took the seat beside her. Her nose twitched at the bombarding, mixed smell of oranges, cranberries, lemons, and apples. Her head snapped to the doorway and she narrowed her eyes as Christiane entered the room.

She opened her mouth to order Cat to switch places when the other parole board member entered behind the brunette and announced that it was time for the hearing to start. Before Jade pulled Cat a little closer by her chair, Christiane slipped a small memory card in the pocket of Cat's pink jacket that hung on the back of her chair.

The hearing began with the female board member clearing her throat once her late partner took his seat. "Liam West," she began, looking up at him and meeting his eyes. "Within the next thirty days, depending on the decision of Governor Brown, you will be granted two years of parole. We remind you that you, your residence, and possessions can be searched at any time of the day or night, with or without a warrant, and with or without a reason. These searches will be done by either a parole agent or a police officer."

"The obligations of your parole are as follows," the male board member continued, reading from a large set of papers in front of him, "You are to always tell your parole agent where you live and work, to report to said agent upon release, to inform your parole agent of a new address before you move, as well as to tell your parole agent—within three days—if you find a new job."

"You are to report to your parole agent when told," the woman announced, shifting her gaze from her own set of papers to Liam periodically. "Failure to do so can result in a warrant for your arrest. You are to follow every instruction given to you by your parole agent, and you are to ask your parole agent for approval before travelling more than fifty miles from your residence, as well as applying for a travel pass before you may leave the county and or state."

"You are to follow all laws set by the county, state, and constitution," the man continued, not bothering to look at Liam. "If you acquire a ticket or go under arrest, you are to inform your parole agent immediately. Should you break any law, there is the strong possibility that you will be sent back to prison, even if you do not have any new criminal charges. You are to avoid all guns—real and imitation—as well as bullets and any other weapons. You are not allowed to carry a knife with a blade longer than two inches, except for a kitchen knife which must only be kept and used in your kitchen."

"Knives you use for work must be approved by the parole agent," the woman finished, "But may only be carried while at work or going to and from work. You are required to possess a note from your parole agent approving this which must be carried at all times. As listed in Penal Code Section 12020, you may not own, use, or have any weapon. Before you is a written statement of all conditions previously listed for you to sign. As well as aforementioned obligations, you consent to lifetime registry as a sex offender. Your restraining order will also stand until the end of your parole, meaning you cannot go within two hundred feet of Miss Jade West or her children. By signing these conditions, you waive extradition if you are found out of state, and failure to sign them will result in a return to prison." She kept a hard stare on Liam, who remained unmoved. "Do you understand?"

Liam nodded and picked up his pen, quickly scribbling his signature down.

"You were given a thirteen year sentence for the statutory rape of a minor," the male board member read. "A fine of six thousand dollars, a restraining order put out by the victim, as well as one strike on your record as a registered sex offender."

"Considering your psychological evaluations," the female board member began, "As well as your behavior in prison, your vocational and educational accomplishments, and your involvement in a court mandated, self-help anger management program, you are in good standing for being eligible for parole." She looked up at Liam with a slightly apologetic gaze and pursed lips. "For better lack of words."

"What are your parole plans?" the other member questioned.

"My parole officer helped me find a place to stay temporarily," Liam answered quietly. It was the softest his sister had ever heard his voice. And somehow, this low level frightened Cat even more. "We talked about physical therapy since my doctor said I might be able to walk again, and I plan to get a job afterwards. When I get enough money, I'll get an apartment."

"Now," the woman started, "There will be closing statements, followed by a brief deliberation before the decision is made." She looked to where the three girls sat, scanning them in attempt to guess who she should speak to. "Would Jade West have anything to say?"

With a sigh, Jade stood up. She wasn't who the board member suspected. "As long as the restraining order stays," she began tiredly, "I'm fine with him going on parole." She took a seat without another word.

And to her displeasure, Christiane cleared her throat and stood, eliciting a sneer from Jade atop Cat's head. The board member suspected the Southern Belle to be the victim, considering her softer demeanor. "I'd like to let it be known that Liam will always have a place in my home," she offered in her annoying Southern drawl. She smiled broadly. "I just moved to town, but I have a nice little house on Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica. It isn't much, but it would be more than enough for him and little ol' me to get by."

The female board member raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?" she spat. "And you'd have to be approved by Officer Bransbury. What is your relation to the inmate?"

The petite brunette smiled sweetly. "I'm his girlfriend," she answered proudly.

" _Ex_ -girlfriend," Liam corrected quietly. "We haven't spoken in years."

"It's only been three," Christiane waved off, visibly fighting a hard glare. She kept her eyes on the parole board members. "And I'm here to fix things in any way I can." After a small curtsy, she took her seat, shooting a warm smile and a sidelong glance Liam's way.

Looking up for the first time since he got there, the male board member cleared his throat and turned to Liam, not meeting the man's eyes. "With all the evidence and records, we have determined that you are suited for parole. We will notify the governor and you should be released within the next thirty days." He glanced to Christiane. "That should be more than enough time to figure out your housing arrangements indefinitely."

"With that," the female board member concluded, "We bid you all a good day. We ask that the ladies leave before the inmate for safety precautions."

And as instructed, the girls stood and left the room. Jade maneuvered around Cat to distance the redhead from Christiane, and the two quickly made their way out of the prison.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

She knew she couldn't say anything when Jade agreed with Liam's parole decision, so Cat kept quiet. Jade was already angry about that nice looking girl, and she didn't want to make her angrier. From what she saw when she was home, actually, Jade seemed to be angry a lot lately. It was almost as bad as when she found out she was pregnant…

Jade didn't say anything on the car ride home, and it made Cat a little uneasy. She wanted to hurry up and get home the entire ride. And though Cassie was a handful, she wanted to get back to her baby. She'd been spending a lot more time with her daughter, and it was getting a little easier to handle her, but she still had a lot to do to get her to behave.

She should have spoken up since Christiane did, but she had to follow rules. Her letter told her that since she wasn't a direct victim, since Liam never touched her, she couldn't speak during the hearing. She couldn't testify at his trial because of her preceding hospitalization and suicide attempt, so there was no proof that Liam had even caused psychological damage.

As soon as Jade pulled into the driveway and cut the engine, Cat bounced into the house. Regardless of her friend's angered and irritated disposition, she wanted to stay happy. Life was better when she was happy, and it was about time that everyone was happy for a change.

"You're home!" she exclaimed as she skipped into the house. She smiled with bright eyes as she saw Beck surrounded by the three toddlers with ASL books in front of him that would help him teach the twins. However, Cassie and Darla were busy with dolls while Jensen smashed blocks together.

"Yeah," he smiled, "My dad decided he wanted to take Mom early birthday shopping, but she wanted to see the twins for a little bit."

"Happy birthday!" Cat exclaimed, clapping happily.

He laughed slightly as he took a block out of his son's mouth. "How did the hearing go?" he asked.

"The bad man's getting out," she announced flippantly in her airy voice, trying not to sound too upset as she sat by her daughter. Cassie turned to her mother a smiled brightly, thrashing her arms and bouncing happily, wanting her mother to pick her up. And by request, Cat picked the little Valentine up, snuggling her close to her body. She lightly tapped Cassie's nose with her finger. "It's time for my little angel to take a nap!"

As she stood, the memory card—only big enough to fit inside a cell phone—fell out of her pocket. The glint of the black plastic caught Beck's eye and he reached for it before Darla could. "You dropped your memory card, Cat," he called, holding it up.

She looked back at him with a confused stare, propping Cassie up on her hip. "My phone doesn't have a spot for one," she reminded him. "I got the new PearPhone two months ago, remember?"

Beck nodded in acknowledgement. "I'll figure out who it belongs to, then," he said, putting the card in his pocket. As soon as he did, Jade slammed the front door. Darla and Cassie jumped from the loud sound, while Jensen didn't take his eyes off the blocks, and the girls began to cry.

"I'll be upstairs," she spat as she walked over to her crying daughter and hoisted her up while Cat nervously bounced Cassie to soothe her. Jade stormed up the stairs, Cat slowly following, and she slammed the door to her bedroom. With a sigh, Cat went to the nursery, but left the door open.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

After that little debacle, it took a good twenty minutes to settle Cassie down. And by the time her daughter fell asleep, Cat heard Beck call Jade downstairs. She waited until her friend made it all the way down before scurrying out to the top of the stairs and hiding behind the corner wall.

"…this memory card," she heard Beck announce. She didn't try to peek from behind the wall, that way no one would catch her.

"What about it?" Jade spat. If Cat could have seen her, she would guess Jade was crossing her arms.

Beck sighed and cleared his throat. "There were…pictures on it," he told her quietly. "Several of them."

For a moment, Cat couldn't hear anything. What kind of pictures was he talking about? Pictures were supposed to be happy, so why did Beck sound sad? Maybe it was because Beck wasn't in them with her. Like, he wouldn't mention them if he was in them, right?

"I didn't need to see them," he continued when his fiancé didn't speak. "I…I think I knew the whole time; this just put a face on things."

"You should have said something!" she exploded. Cat jumped at the intensity of her voice and clasped her hand over her mouth to keep from making a sound. "If you knew—if you even _suspected_ —that I wasn't happy, then you should have said something!"

He sighed, but he didn't sound angry. The wished she could see his face, but she didn't want to risk it. They'd make her go away if they saw her. She was glad Robbie wasn't home, otherwise he would have gotten them both caught.

"You're right," he breathed. "I should have said something, but I didn't. I realize that I…neglected you, and I'm really sorry about that. I thought that maybe this would work itself out, and that was stupid of me." He paused for a minute, and Cat held her breath, waiting for someone to speak.

"I think…it would be good for us to spend some time apart. I'm…I'll pack my things and I'll be out before the night's over. We can set up a schedule and alternate taking care of the twins."

Cat couldn't help but gasp, but it was a good thing Jade gave a sob that sounded like the wind had been knocked out of her to cover it up. Was this it? Was she witnessing their ultimate breakup? This was more serious than anything she'd ever seen them go through—aside from the Liam situation, of course.

"Please don't do this," Jade pleaded quietly, talking a mile a minute. "Please, I-I broke things off with him. I knew it was wrong, but I was lonely and I didn't know how to talk to you about it. It was a mistake! I know that, and that's why I came back to you. I-I-I'll…I'll go to the courthouse and marry right now! Just…please. I can't lose you…"

Among Jade's crying, Cat heard quiet laughing. She desperately wanted to look and see what was happening. She heard Jade sniffle, and then she heard…kissing. No longer able to resist the urge, she popped her head out to find them pressed closely together, his hand gently resting on her cheek as he kissed her deeply. Her makeup was smudged and there was a black trail of mascara on her cheek, half covered by his hand. Her arms hung limply at her side, unsure of what to do, while Beck held one hand against the small of her back.

Cat didn't know what to feel, watching them like that. But before she could form any thoughts, she shot back around the corner when they couple broke their kiss.

"You know I could never leave you," he whispered so lowly that she needed to strain to hear. "If you'd been okay with me leaving…then I would have known that you didn't love me anymore." He probably kissed her again. "We can wait until you're ready to get married, and I won't push it anymore. I love you, Jade West, and I promise I'll never leave you."

"I love you, too," Jade breathed, sniffling loudly. "I promise you won't have to wait too much longer."

When Cat heard them kiss again, she had to wipe her eyes and hold her hand over her mouth to keep from crying. Hearing Beck and Jade get over their problems was amazing. Jade had avoided Beck like Cat had with Robbie, and Beck even knew what she was doing! The strength of their love seemed to slap Cat in the face, leaving her with nothing but a void.

She had always envied Jade for numerous things, but she envied her friend the most for her relationship with Beck. She wanted that kind of love in her life, and she knew Robbie wanted to give her that kind of love. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him, and she was the only thing holding herself back. She knew that even though Jade was never scared, she must have been terrified to tell Beck about her affair.

But Cat also knew that if they could work through this tough time, then she and Robbie could do the same.

She turned around and knocked on her bedroom door, where Robbie had been since she and Jade left earlier that morning. She opened the door, feeling her nerves take over as she spotted him on the bed reading. He momently looked up from his book, but didn't say anything.

She took in a deep breath, trying to think about exactly what she wanted to say. She couldn't sugarcoat anything, and she would have to force herself to say what needed to be said.

'I love you, Robbie.'

Yeah, that's how she would start off. Then she would apologize for whatever. Maybe she would tell him she loved him again. Maybe she would apologize again. She didn't think anything she would—anything she  _could_ —say would be good enough for him.

Everything had to be perfect.

Slowly, she walked to the bed and sat on the edge of it. Her face reddened from embarrassment…or possibly from the air she kept in her lungs.

She looked down at her lap and put a hand on her stomach. "I love you, Robbie," she exhaled, clenching her eyes shut. "You make me feel so crazy on the inside, and Jade says that's how she feels before she sleeps with Beck." A tear poked out from beneath one of her eyelids and she wiped it away with a small sniffle as she turned to look him in the eye as he finally looked up from his book. "Everything that happened with Natalie was me being scared to have another baby. I love you so, so much and I've wanted to be with you like Beck and Jade for a long time. I was really scared that you would be upset with me and leave me like Daniel did, but then you didn't and I was so happy. But now you're so upset and you don't want to talk to me and I don't know what I did."

"Try 'who,'" he spat flatly, sitting up straight.

"W-what?" the petite mother stammered on the verge of tears again.

"You were seven weeks pregnant when we went to the doctor," he explained, his face hard with anger. "I was happy you were pregnant, but that's when I thought you were having  _my_  child. We didn't start sleeping together until nearly a month and a half ago. So yeah, I'm upset that you're pregnant."

"But I didn't sleep with anyone!" she cried, shooting off the bed. "I've only been with Daniel, Natalie, and you."

"So did you sleep with Danny again?!" Robbie accused loudly.

Cat dropped her hands to her side, hurt distorting her face. "How could you say that?" she whispered. "I know I was wrong for being with Natalie, but I haven't been with anyone else. I love you, Robbie Shapiro, and I realize the bad things that I did."

"Then how are you pregnant, Cat?" he shouted. "You had to have slept with some other guy before me! So who was it?"

"I don't know," she breathed, falling to her knees. She hunched over and sobbed loudly, holding her stomach.

He stood there for a long moment, watching her cry. His face began to soften and he knelt beside her after sighing loudly.

"I'm sorry," he apologized quietly. He lifted her head so she could look at him with her bloodshot eyes. "I love you, too, Cat, and it's  _because_ I love you that I'm so upset about the baby. You don't know how badly I wish Cassie was my daughter, and not Danny. I wish I could have been with you every second you were pregnant with her, but I wasn't. I know nothing will ever change that, but I thought that this baby could make up for that." He smiled sadly. "I would give the world to be with you and have a family with you, but I was hoping it would be the family I made with you."

Overwhelmed, Cat clenched her eyes shut tightly as body-racking sobs took over. Alarmed, Robbie wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, allowing her to cry on his shoulder as he tried to soothe her.

"I love you so much," she confessed through sobs. "You're so good to me and I've been so mean to you! I don't deserve someone as nice as you."

"Hey, no," he pleaded, gently rubbing her back, "We love each other, and we'll make this work. It sucks that it's not my baby you're carrying right now, but we'll make this work as long as we're together. All I want to do is make you happy and be happy with you."

She pulled away from him enough to wipe her eyes kiss him lovingly. Shocked at first, he kissed her back with such passion and intensity that she knew he would stay true to his word. In the week that they'd been too tense to talk to each other, she missed kissing him, and she'd almost forgotten how amazing his kiss could be.

She pushed her body close to his, extremely happy to be so close to him again. He touched and held her carefully, treating her like porcelain. They sat on the floor for a few minutes, kissing each other and enjoying each other's closeness. Eventually, their clothes came off in a blur and their bodies began to intertwine right there on the floor beside their bed. She'd pulled herself into his lap, and his hands hungrily grasped at her skin.

As they gave into their carnal desires, every worry they had and every feeling of disdain for the other disappeared. He had his climax first, letting out a low grunt, but he kept going until she had hers. And when she finally came, he picked her up—making her squeal in excitement—and placed her on the bed. She felt a little empty when he'd pulled out, but the feeling quickly dissipated when he crashed down beside her and kissed her cheek, draping his arm over her heaving chest. She turned on her side and curled her body into his, tilting her head up to kiss his chin. They whispered soft "I love yous" as their eyelids drew to a close.

And as she drifted to sleep, Cat finally knew that everything would be okay.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

**One month later.**

As it got closer to Christmas, school began to get stressful for Cat, which made her need to be with Robbie even greater. She'd never been to a yearlong school before, and she wasn't used to the schedule yet; she also wasn't used to a class being only a semester long.

But most of all, she was glad that Dr. Beasom was very understanding and made it possible for Natalie to be switched into a different introductory French class.

Her workload began to get a lot heavier as they moved into the final stretch of the semester, so sex was a release for her. Playing with Cassie, who was finally starting to move out of her Terrible Twos stage, also helped her relax, so she had strong hopes that she would make it through her first semester just fine.

The last day of school had been very stressful with three exams in the same day, and she'd played with Cassie for an hour before falling asleep on the couch once Jade brought them all home. Beck and Jade were trying to do more things together so they wouldn't have another Fletch situation, so they took the twins out for a walk in the park when he was done for the day. Robbie wouldn't be home until later that night because he had a group project that would take a lot of time and work to finish, so playing with her baby would have to satiate her until he returned home.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been out, but she'd fallen deep into her slumber.

As she slept, she started to have nightmares about fire. No matter where she turned, the flames stood in her way. She tried to scream, but her lungs would only fill with smoke. Aside from the flames, all she could see was the thick haze of the smoke. She could hear Cassie crying, but she couldn't get to her baby fast enough. The fire licked her arm, feeling all too real. She screamed this time, and her voice rang through her ears. Somehow, she knew she was dreaming, but the pain in her arm told her otherwise. She desperately wanted to wake up, but she just couldn't do it. This was worse than the dreams she had with Natalie, and terrified couldn't even begin to describe her fear.

She felt trapped, and all she wanted was Robbie.

When her nightmare startled her awake, she expected to be sitting on the couch at home with Cassie crawling around on the floor—just as she'd left things. Instead, she looked around to find Beck, Jade, and Robbie looking at her with worried expressions. Beck held Darla in his arms while Jade clung to Jensen. Robbie's face was covered in dark splotches, his hair matted to his head, and Cassie was nowhere in sight.

Confused, she looked from her worried friends to the room surrounding her. White walls stood tall around her, a large window to her left covered by curtains. She listened to the bustling hospital sounds as she looked down to find herself in an unfamiliar bed. A tube trailed down from somewhere on her body, and her left arm sat bandaged on top of a crisp, white blanket.

Fear setting in, she snapped back to Robbie. "What happened?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes began to water and she was on the verge of hyperventilation.

"There was a fire," Jade answered for Robbie, her voice filled with tension. Though her arms were wrapped around her son, her hands were shaking and her bottom lip twitched as if she were hiding something. "They think someone intentionally set it."

"I had to run by the house to pick up my other camera," Robbie added. "I saw the smoke outside the house and ran in to get you out."

"Where's Cassie?" Cat asked louder, panic painting her voice as she forgot about her friend's strange demeanor.

For a moment, no one spoke. The three adolescents looked at the ground instead of their friend, unwilling to be the bearer of bad news.

" _Where is she_?" Cat shrieked, causing her heartbeat monitor to beep rapidly. Everyone in the room jumped at her voice and Darla clung to her father's shirt as she started to cry.

"She wasn't in her playpen when I got there," Robbie finally announced, keeping his voice low and refusing to look at her. "The fire was only in the kitchen by the time I pulled you out and I couldn't find her anywhere."

"The police said that the lock to the back door had been picked," Beck told her. "They think that someone took her and set the fire when they were leaving."

They expected her to cry. They expected something in her gaze to break. But she fooled them.

She held her hand over her mouth, her welling eyes frantically darting back and forth through the room. Before anyone could say anything in consolation, she ripped out the tube in her nose and tore off the heart monitor wires. She stood slowly, and no one bothered to stop her. She fell to her knees and locked her fingers into her hair, gripping her head tightly. Robbie ran to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly, but she still made no sound or movements.

She felt like she should be crying, making some god awful wailing noise. But she only felt empty. No words could describe her sadness, and she'd never felt anything like this before. What could she do? How was she supposed to react? Would her friends think less of her for not crying after finding out that her daughter had been kidnapped?

Why couldn't she have just died in the fire instead of having to live with knowing her daughter had been stolen?

Robbie should have let her die.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

**CHILD AMBER ALERT**

**TUNE TO**

**LOCAL MEDIA**

_AMBER ALERT: Los Angeles, CA_

_VEH: '08 Pink Volkswagen Beetle_

_CHILD 24mo CF 24lb Hr:Blk_

_SUSP 24yo CF 5'4 115lb Hr:Brwn_

_CALL 911_

SUSPECT

Christiane Holland Ford

Female, Age 24, Brown Hair, Brown Eyes, 115 lbs

LAST SEEN NEAR

Unknown

_CLICK FOR DETAILS_

CALL 911 WITH INFORMATION

Jade took it upon herself to put out the AMBER Alert report on Cassie. When Robbie had called her from Cat's phone, telling her what happened, she and Beck rushed to the hospital, and she nearly crashed his truck trying to get there. And once she got into the hospital, Cat was still asleep when she rushed into the room with her son on her hip.

As she stood in the room with her fiancé's arm wrapped soothingly around her shoulders, two police officers entered the room. One of them was a tall Asian man with deep frown lines, the other a familiar face—Officer Vega. He tipped his hat and to her with a solemn face.

"We wanted to ask you a few questions about what happened, Robbie," he announced as they walked over to the charred boy.

He nodded and the taller officer cleared his throat.

"Where were you when the fire occurred on the lot?" he questioned, holding up a notepad to write on.

"I guess on my way back home," he answered sadly. "I was staying late at school to work on a project, but I needed one of my cameras that my parents got me for Christmas."

"Which door did you use to enter the home?" the officer asked.

"The…front?" the young boy answered skeptically. "The fire had already started when I got there, so I broke the door open."

"Did the victim have a child in the home at the time of the fire?"

Robbie nodded. "But I didn't see her when I went in," he said. "I even went upstairs to the nursery, but I couldn't find her." He raised a curious brow. "How did you know that?"

Officer Vega held up a plastic bag with a burnt piece of paper in it. "Firemen found this by the couch in the living room," he said. "It's a note, presumably from the child's kidnapper, so we have reason to believe that he or she may have started the fire."

Jade's ears perked and her eyes zoned in on the bag in his hand. "Can I see that?" she asked, trying to mask the worry in her voice.

The officer turned back to her and handed her the bag which she took with her free hand. Scanning the paper, her eyes grew frantic.

_If I can't have his baby, then she can't either._

She dropped the bag and nearly dropped her son as well as she staggered backward. Luckily, Beck caught her while Tori's father quickly grabbed Jensen before he could even fall an inch.

"Are you alright, Jade?" he asked cautiously.

"No," she whispered, wide eyes hitting the floor. "This is my fault…"

"You know who might have taken her?"

She caught his eye and nodded. "One of my brother's ex-girlfriends," she announced. "She's batshit and has it out for me." Officer Vega waved over his partner so he could write down as she continued to speak. "Her name is Christiane Holland Ford, and I think it's spelled like Christian with an e at the end. She's probably five-four, probably no more than one hundred fifteen pounds. Her hair is long, brown, and curly, and she has crazy brown eyes. She threatened me a few weeks ago, so I don't doubt that she took her."

"Do you know why she would have taken Cassie?" Officer Vega inquired as he crossed his arms.

Jade grimaced and looked away momentarily. "She had this dumb idea that my kids are Liam's," she spat. She nodded her head to her daughter. "Obviously she's an idiot. She'd been stalking me for a while, and she photographed me on several occasions. She must have just assumed that Cassie was his child, too. She wanted his kids by any means necessary."

She couldn't read any officer's face, but she knew the look wasn't good. "We'll put out an APB for her description as soon as possible," Tori's father announced. "We'll bring her home as soon as possible." He looked back at Cat sleeping peacefully before turning back to Jade with a solemn expression. "Take care of her."

She nodded and the officers left after bidding the three a good day.

* * *

_The love we had, we had to let it go._

* * *

There was no doubt that Jade felt responsible for what happened.

Robbie spending months of his life in a coma, Jensen's hearing problem, the house fire, Cassie's abduction…none of it would have happened had she just let Liam kill her.

She'd caused her best friend to experience one of the worst things that could ever happen to a mother. It would have been slightly easier if Cassie would have died in the fire; Cat knew she would have joined her daughter six feet under, and she wouldn't have to live with the constant worry of someone hurting her baby.

The fire was worse than everyone thought.

It started in the kitchen, and Beck just so happened to buy a house with a gas stove, which utterly destroyed the kitchen once it exploded. After Robbie made it out of the house with Cat, the bathroom above the kitchen collapsed. By the time the fire had been put out, all of the porcelain had been reduced to black metal. Luckily, the nursery had been untouched, along with Cat and Robbie's room and half of Beck and Jade's. However, the house had been condemned, scheduled to be torn down once all recoverable items were retrieved.

There wasn't much room in Mrs. Valentine's condo, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor's apartment, or the townhome that Bryce had gotten with Colette, but Mr. and Mrs. Oliver insisted that the six of them stay in their home. It was cramped, especially considering the RV had to be sold to help pay for fire damages that insurance wouldn't cover, but they made it work.

Beck and Jade shared his old room with their children while Cat and Robbie took the guest room.

She spent that Christmas crying her eyes out in that guest room.

She didn't return to school after Christmas break, and Jade took it upon herself to fill up the paperwork for Cat to drop out. She wouldn't leave her room, but her best friend did whatever she could to keep her friend physically nourished.

But on Valentine's Day, she stopped eating.

It was the worst holiday Cat could ever imagine, and she didn't even care that she neglected her boyfriend. But he didn't feel too bad since her loud wailing put Beck and Jade out of the mood for any signs of affection.

She kept Cassie's crib at the foot of the bed as some sort of sick reminder that her daughter was gone, and she spent the majority of the day with her arm draped around one of the legs as she cried onto it. If Beck hadn't come in and forced her away from it while Robbie wheeled it out, she never would have left the crib's side.

When she stopped eating, she stopped talking to anyone—if it could even be said that her tiny murmurs were worthy of conversation.

By the third month, she grew very sick. Her browning hair began to fall out, and what was left was limp, lifeless, and far too thin. Her eyes hollowed out, and by the end of the month, she was able to count every bone in her arm.

Once Cat had miscarried, screaming loudly upon discovering the blood that pooled at her waist, Jade had forced her into the hospital for treatment. She still refused to speak to anyone, and she never showed up for her visiting days. She was given counselling with a specialized therapist, a woman whose first and only child had succumbed to SIDS, and she found a small sense of solace with her. After a month in the hospital, she decided to only speak to her counselor.

It took six long months after the Valentine baby's disappearance, but Cat was able to assimilate back into her old life. It was hard, and everyone tiptoed around her, but she was able to do it.

Upon her release however, Robbie attempted to get close to her again. He practically bent over backwards to make her happy, but nothing really worked. He wanted to be intimate with her again, and she somewhat wanted the same, but she had taken a step backwards and continued to worry about getting pregnant again. She worried that the new baby would make her forget about Cassie, and she never wanted to give up hope that she would find her daughter, even if it took her dying breath to do so. She would never forgive herself if she lost another child.

She distanced herself from Robbie, and he almost left her, unable to deal with the backtracking on the progress they'd made. If Jade hadn't intervened and made them sit down and talk about their problems, he definitely would have left her. So she tried to be a better girlfriend, and she was able to push her sadness aside enough to give Robbie the love he gave to her.

Their relationship continued to be a hit and miss situation. He walked on eggshells around her, careful not to do anything that upset her, and she tried to be more open with him. With the help of couples' therapy, they were able to strengthen their relationship, and she was finally able to not let the loss of her daughter control her life.

Tori decided to bring Hector Daniel Kerrigan over when he was six months old, and Trina even brought her daughter, Erica Giselle Michaels, over as well to help Cat fill the void of playing with her little girl. Two months later, she was a bridesmaid in Trina's beachfront wedding.

In the following year, Beck and Jade married, and Cat found herself able to carry the torch of Maid of Honor with ease. And after that, she went back to school as a full-time student. She decided it best to be full time so she would get more financial aid, and she put nearly $3,000 toward a new house fund in just one semester. She thought it was the least she could do, considering the fact that she was the reason the fire started in the first place.

With the help of couples' therapy, she was able to strengthen her relationship with Robbie once more, and she was finally able to not let the loss of her daughter control her life.

By the time the twins were seven, they started being intimate again, and they were married by the time the twins were ten. Darla was her flower girl while Jensen was the ring bearer.

After college, Beck and Jade tried their hands at their professions, but Jade became a well-known director long before her husband caught his big break. Everyone said she was lucky because her first movie was a box office hit, and she shocked them all when she continued to produce hit after hit after hit. She cast her husband as the lead in her third movie after buying a house in Beverly Hills, and his career took off.

They became Hollywood's hottest power couple.

Andre moved away after graduation and barely kept in touch with Beck, basically falling off the face of the Earth.

While Tori really liked acting and singing, she gave it up so she could focus her attention on her children. When she found out she was pregnant with Hector and she told her husband, he told her that he'd found a job with a budding restaurant chain. His loyal work paid off, earning him the title of CEO in six years' time. When Hector started elementary school, she took up singing as a hobby, recording her own music the best she could, based off what she remembered from the time she spent with Andre.

In her free time, she became an internet sensation.

Suggested by their therapist, Robbie taught Cat how to paint, and they would spend many days and nights practicing together as a bonding experience. He also opened her mind to sculpting, which she took up with greater passion. She experimented with sculpting clay and even polymer clay, later making and selling realistic, miniature sculptures of various items ranging from foods, sweets, necklaces, and anything her creativity could muster.

Beck told her that if she didn't want to, he wouldn't make her and Robbie find their own place to live. He was very mindful of her and told her that she didn't need to work, that he and Jade would take care of her. But with the commissions she made with her sculptures, she chipped in on grocery money, even though Jade had more than enough money to spare.

While Cat had been dealing with her eating disorder, Liam had been released on parole. He stayed clear of Jade and the twins, and started going to physical therapy. Aside from a staggering limp that forced him to use a cane, he was able to walk by the time his younger sister got married.

When the restraining order against him expired, Jade saw no reason to get another one. It worried her slightly when he began sending letters for her to Beck's parents, but she begrudgingly kept in touch with him, using a P.O. Box to respond to him.

Eventually, she told him that the twins weren't his, and he didn't sound too angry in his response letter. With everything that had happened with Cat, she told him one day that she'd tell them about their uncle—sparing the gory details, of course—and she would more than likely let him meet there.

And even though police gave up their extensive search for Christiane after three years, Jade wouldn't rest until Cassie was safely back where she belonged and that evil bitch was behind bars.


End file.
